Limitations and Boundaries
Putting on the smile on my face is almost as common place for me as putting on my clothes.... You really wonder what goes through my mind? Where did I go wrong in life. Not one of us is without some sort of doubt in our lives.... I just feel like mine is a lot more abundant than I ever really acknowledged. The lovers, those of us who do our damnedest to show those around us that they are truly part of this world, have a tendency to be the ones that are forgotten. Just because we are the first to console you and give you a shoulder to cry on doesnt mean that we dont wish the same every now and then. It has become a bigger job in my life than I can mentally and emotionally handle at times. Stretched incredibly thin, sometimes I want nothing more than to relax and have someone else worry about me for a few moments. I cant help this. Looking around, I am surrounded by a group of people who are "friends". No one here really knows me anymore... or has taken the time to "get to know me". I am sure when it boils down to it... I am merely nothing more than an acquantaince you have to live with or you see every once in a while... I feel that humanity has forgotten or lost its desire to say more than a few mumbles to each other in passing and we consider this BABBLE - "friendship". What happened to the people who choose to sit and have a meaningful conversation, who choose to enjoy your presence for something other than a function where they are basically without choice to be in your presence? Ive forgotten what it is like to have a friend ask you to lunch.... I have forgotten what it is like to listen to someone other than a work associate intently and think this person really cares about something. Am I wired differently than everyone else? There are many times in my life where I stop and I do this total evaluation of life and my surroundings and this is yet, another one of those times. This, is my ONE spot where I can let my truths be known.... I can drop my mask for a moment and let my sorrows and tears out and not worry about being seen or heard. I have so much going on for me in life.... in general. My work life is great.... but my social life is horrible. I know everyone in passing. They are here and tomorrow they are non-existant.