ItsSafeWhenYoureAlone
i wanna talk about how fucking amazing my valentines day was. first in school, i am called to the office thinking that my dad was there to yell at me or lea was there to exchange some words. all i see is yolanda. a ig ass card. roses, balloons and candy. i read thecard and i cried. she said some things that i really needed to hear from her. it just made life all the better... then i go home n wait then i goto her house. she makes me dinner. COUNTRY SWEET CHICKEN AND LIMA BEANS! i was so happy, but at the same time i was nervous... i didnt know what to expect. shes doin all this and all i got her was a shirt, some boxers, and i made her a card. but neways, after that we just sit n chat n laugh about things. in the mean time, im still very nervous.. then here it comes "do u want ur surprise?" i was like o man i dont have a choice i better just getit over with.i was so scared. she leads me to her room, not being able to see, and imjus laying on her bes, with my eyes closed. then she walks in, gives me a letter. ill summerize the letter. "im gunna make up for the 17 yrs u never had a valentine. everythign was numberd. u got 3 gifts, uhave 14 more to go. go find them then come back" i found all but one. went in her room, and there was my big heart pillow. and the rest from there is private business. use ur imagination. tink funly. ur probably right. lol. all i kno is the next morning i wake up to her face yet another day...i could wake up to that face for the rest of my life.
all day long, i couldnt stop thinking about her, my day, my night, and just the things i want in the future for us. i never felt so serious in my entire life... i can still think of the words she wispered to me that night...everytime i think of them, i get chills down my spine.
im not the type of person to rush into anything at all. im a firm believer of things happening when time permits. but right now i wanna tell yolanda i love her so much, but i feel she really doesnt want to hear it. That seems like her number one word to hate in the world. I understand hating it if youve been threw nuthing but bullshit but u cnat lose hope. At the same time, i dont even kno if i feel secure saying it. how do i kno in the end i wont be the hurt one? last night we were talkin aka i was kinda venting and it just made me think alot. my feelings for her are so real and serious. i dont wana do anything to jepordize what i have now or do nething to make things not work out. all things hapen for a reason. bumps in the road happen. so thats all well n good. but i dunno. i need to check my motives with others.
this past week ive been tryna settle things with lea so i cna be happy with yoyo. lea just makes me cry. contantly callin n telling me shes gunna kill me everyday. then tries the depressed approach, i cnat live without u. without u im nuthing im gunna go drink myself to death.. slowly. i feel terrible. i dont kno what to do. im not gunna give into her. but at the same time i hate hearing her. soon enough, it will all just fade away.
then yoyo is havin troubles with her ex's n that just makes me nervous. all i kno is itches better watch it. im gunna be a lady and im gunna be super classy with the way i handle things. but i kno i dont play when it comes to sumthing thats mine. bitches r mad dumb, and thats that. its kidna funny how immature "grown women" act. whatever. im over it.
i have a 4 day weekend and i plan to spend alot of it sleeping. i wanna see friends too. hopefully tomorrow i can goto the wifes after work and just relax.... hopefully. i want napoleonn dynamite the dvd real bad. next on the list of things to get. i really need that.