SOME PICTURES I TOOK TODAY.
You know... even though in a lot of ways I'm moving on... I still go through some emotional bumps here and there over the whole transition thing. I'm not completely over it all, but I still don't feel like I need to talk about it constantly like I have in the last 3 1/2 years. I've got more chest surgery coming , but I don't even know if I'll be able to afford a new surgeon or if I'll have to stay with the crappy half assed one I have now. I've got more bills than I know what to do with at this point in my life, and it stresses me out. If I had the chance to go back to the beginning... I wouldn't. It's hard, it really is.
I still have to get my lower surgery done, and change my sex on all my legal documents...who knows when that'll be exactly. Nearly 4 years later, I find that I'm sometimes just as impatient now as I was at the beginning. Oh and to make matters slightly worse, I think something might be going on in the lower half of me. I guess everything in there is finally starting to atrophy pretty well, or what ever it's doing. So it needs to be taken out soon... and I have only so much time off ... and very little money. So even though some things are going great, sometimes, they aren't so great. Last night it hit me all at once while I was trying to stick myself with the needle, and I cried for a good 30 minutes. I think what made matters worse in my situation emotinally and psychologically are the medical doctors I've had to deal with in this journey of mine. If they would've only listened to me a little more I think (in some ways, not all) I'd probably be more content. I guess the crying was initiated by me looking into the mirror at my bare chest and wondering what hell I was going to do. I have to leave the loan option for my lower surgery. So either this new surgeon needs to cut me a break, or maybe she won't.... and what will the other surgeon do? Then I got kind of over whelmed, and tried to push it out of my mind. Parts of me just want to live a life without worrying about these things, and I'm so looking forward to that day. I don't get to do much because all my money and time have been invested in this shit for the last few years. It gets old.
I guess the good parts are the T seems to have done a great job in the last year from my new dosage, so no compalints there. I have a better hormone doctor (like I've said before). My chest surgery is at least half way done and I don't have to deal with the pain of binding much anymore. Even though the pros don't outweigh the cons right now... they are all big steps in the right direction.
Since I felt like shit last night, I did something nice for myself today. I did the facial hair thing, put on a tie, slapped some cologne on, took pictures.... it's not like I had any where fancy to go. It made me feel masculine, and attractive. It made me feel like things were ok again.
Typical "in the mirror" shot. My only dress clothes right now. The tie is a little too bright red!
Just relaxing up against the wall.
I still have to get my lower surgery done, and change my sex on all my legal documents...who knows when that'll be exactly. Nearly 4 years later, I find that I'm sometimes just as impatient now as I was at the beginning. Oh and to make matters slightly worse, I think something might be going on in the lower half of me. I guess everything in there is finally starting to atrophy pretty well, or what ever it's doing. So it needs to be taken out soon... and I have only so much time off ... and very little money. So even though some things are going great, sometimes, they aren't so great. Last night it hit me all at once while I was trying to stick myself with the needle, and I cried for a good 30 minutes. I think what made matters worse in my situation emotinally and psychologically are the medical doctors I've had to deal with in this journey of mine. If they would've only listened to me a little more I think (in some ways, not all) I'd probably be more content. I guess the crying was initiated by me looking into the mirror at my bare chest and wondering what hell I was going to do. I have to leave the loan option for my lower surgery. So either this new surgeon needs to cut me a break, or maybe she won't.... and what will the other surgeon do? Then I got kind of over whelmed, and tried to push it out of my mind. Parts of me just want to live a life without worrying about these things, and I'm so looking forward to that day. I don't get to do much because all my money and time have been invested in this shit for the last few years. It gets old.
I guess the good parts are the T seems to have done a great job in the last year from my new dosage, so no compalints there. I have a better hormone doctor (like I've said before). My chest surgery is at least half way done and I don't have to deal with the pain of binding much anymore. Even though the pros don't outweigh the cons right now... they are all big steps in the right direction.
Since I felt like shit last night, I did something nice for myself today. I did the facial hair thing, put on a tie, slapped some cologne on, took pictures.... it's not like I had any where fancy to go. It made me feel masculine, and attractive. It made me feel like things were ok again.
Typical "in the mirror" shot. My only dress clothes right now. The tie is a little too bright red!
Just relaxing up against the wall.