Unwritten Rules
Hoo boy, LJ. Do I have a story for you.
This journal is mostly public. It always has been. There are a few entries here and there that are friends only or even private, but for the most part they're wide open. I am ok with this, because I don't write about things I wouldn't be comfortable having anyone read. If something is not suitable for public consumption, it gets locked or doesn't get posted at all.
It's not impossible to find this journal either. If you're my friend on Facebook you can find it extremely easily. There are probably lots of other ways it can be found due to topics I write about, links I've posted, etc. But at this point if we're not facebook friends, you have to do a little searching to track it down, especially if you're not already on LJ. I don't mind the idea of people being lurkers and reading stuff without me necessarily knowing about it...I think that's a normal thing on the internet these days, and that anyone who posts things publicly has to expect some measure of that happening. I actually find it sort of interesting, the idea of some random person somewhere far away reading about my silly life and thoughts. Some may find this opinion naive and/or stupid, but it's what I think.
This weekend I had a weird experience. Someone I didn't really know, who I'd been exchanging e-mails with as a prelude to meeting, came across this journal. Specifically, my recent entry about a date I went on. This person mentioned something in an e-mail that sounded odd to me, something we'd never discussed in our e-mail exchange. When I called the person on it, they proceeded to offer to "refresh my memory" and quoted my entry directly. This was followed by a few more statements giving their critique of how I handled that situation.
Now, I know that by leaving entries public I've left myself open to this. (You may be surprised to read, also, that I don't currently plan to go friends-only, even after this.) I actually figured out pretty quickly how the person found the journal, and I've since altered things to make that route not exist anymore. My problem is- I understand the urge to google people and check them out. I even understand finding out the person has a blog or something or a public facebook page and wanting to take a look. But I think bringing it up in such a way, first as though we've discussed a certain topic, then as a "oh how funny, I've 'got something on you', haha" kind of statement, is inappropriate. I may be adhering to a certain set of unwritten rules, maybe rules that I've even made up in my own head...but I feel like that's just a really odd, slightly disturbing way to use that information. I feel that if I found something like that about a person I was hoping to meet, I would keep it to myself, or maybe ask about it in person. I think bringing it up like that just makes things really uncomfortable.
I'm aware that a lot of people might disagree with me, and tell me I'm an idiot for not locking everything I've ever written. But right now I feel ok about leaving it as is, as weird as this situation was. I want to assume the good in most people and treat this as a fluke situation. If I'm proven wrong, well, maybe changes will be made in the future.
This journal is mostly public. It always has been. There are a few entries here and there that are friends only or even private, but for the most part they're wide open. I am ok with this, because I don't write about things I wouldn't be comfortable having anyone read. If something is not suitable for public consumption, it gets locked or doesn't get posted at all.
It's not impossible to find this journal either. If you're my friend on Facebook you can find it extremely easily. There are probably lots of other ways it can be found due to topics I write about, links I've posted, etc. But at this point if we're not facebook friends, you have to do a little searching to track it down, especially if you're not already on LJ. I don't mind the idea of people being lurkers and reading stuff without me necessarily knowing about it...I think that's a normal thing on the internet these days, and that anyone who posts things publicly has to expect some measure of that happening. I actually find it sort of interesting, the idea of some random person somewhere far away reading about my silly life and thoughts. Some may find this opinion naive and/or stupid, but it's what I think.
This weekend I had a weird experience. Someone I didn't really know, who I'd been exchanging e-mails with as a prelude to meeting, came across this journal. Specifically, my recent entry about a date I went on. This person mentioned something in an e-mail that sounded odd to me, something we'd never discussed in our e-mail exchange. When I called the person on it, they proceeded to offer to "refresh my memory" and quoted my entry directly. This was followed by a few more statements giving their critique of how I handled that situation.
Now, I know that by leaving entries public I've left myself open to this. (You may be surprised to read, also, that I don't currently plan to go friends-only, even after this.) I actually figured out pretty quickly how the person found the journal, and I've since altered things to make that route not exist anymore. My problem is- I understand the urge to google people and check them out. I even understand finding out the person has a blog or something or a public facebook page and wanting to take a look. But I think bringing it up in such a way, first as though we've discussed a certain topic, then as a "oh how funny, I've 'got something on you', haha" kind of statement, is inappropriate. I may be adhering to a certain set of unwritten rules, maybe rules that I've even made up in my own head...but I feel like that's just a really odd, slightly disturbing way to use that information. I feel that if I found something like that about a person I was hoping to meet, I would keep it to myself, or maybe ask about it in person. I think bringing it up like that just makes things really uncomfortable.
I'm aware that a lot of people might disagree with me, and tell me I'm an idiot for not locking everything I've ever written. But right now I feel ok about leaving it as is, as weird as this situation was. I want to assume the good in most people and treat this as a fluke situation. If I'm proven wrong, well, maybe changes will be made in the future.