(no subject)
I pretty much knew what was going to happen. As soon as he called yesterday morning and asked if he could meet me at later that night, I had a creeping premonition that this was it- I was either going to be apologized to or broken up with. Turns out that I got both.
To his credit, he did it well. He apologized, gave his reasons.... it was fair, I'll give him that. He felt that after the wreck, he'd been shutting people out and that it wasn't right to keep dragging me along. He's just "not a boyfriend", even though he was to me. He didn't know what he wanted.
I took it well to his face- we talked for a good two and a half hours, and not just about us. Just talking. It was only later, once I was alone in my bedroom, getting angry as an alternative to breaking down completely, that I allowed myself to feel injustified. I got "just friended." I got "it's not you, it's me'd". But really, the only thing I'm angry about is that he admitted to ignoring my calls. I'm glad he was honest, but that hurts. Did you sit there and watch the phone ring? Touché. I'm more sad about the things that we never got to do- we were going to have fun this summer, him and I. But now?
I'm not sure what to do now. I've already cried- it was miserable and I hate crying. I've already gotten angry at him- we could have worked through it, but you were insistent on giving up. I've gotten angry at myself- I had a great guy, but I didn't take the fucking initiative when he needed me. I haven't gotten over it, per say, but it's just there. Rather, isn't there.
I wish I could be angry, but I can't. He didn't do me any wrong. I don't have much anger I can work off; just a gray, cloudy-day feeling that won't go away. Can't swim it off. Can't run it off. Can't cry it off- I'm only allowing myself to cry once, and I used that up last night.
I mean, this isn't earth-shattering. It happens. On the scale of dramatic break-ups, it's probably in the negatives. I'll be fine. A bit sad, but ultimately, fine.
To his credit, he did it well. He apologized, gave his reasons.... it was fair, I'll give him that. He felt that after the wreck, he'd been shutting people out and that it wasn't right to keep dragging me along. He's just "not a boyfriend", even though he was to me. He didn't know what he wanted.
I took it well to his face- we talked for a good two and a half hours, and not just about us. Just talking. It was only later, once I was alone in my bedroom, getting angry as an alternative to breaking down completely, that I allowed myself to feel injustified. I got "just friended." I got "it's not you, it's me'd". But really, the only thing I'm angry about is that he admitted to ignoring my calls. I'm glad he was honest, but that hurts. Did you sit there and watch the phone ring? Touché. I'm more sad about the things that we never got to do- we were going to have fun this summer, him and I. But now?
I'm not sure what to do now. I've already cried- it was miserable and I hate crying. I've already gotten angry at him- we could have worked through it, but you were insistent on giving up. I've gotten angry at myself- I had a great guy, but I didn't take the fucking initiative when he needed me. I haven't gotten over it, per say, but it's just there. Rather, isn't there.
I wish I could be angry, but I can't. He didn't do me any wrong. I don't have much anger I can work off; just a gray, cloudy-day feeling that won't go away. Can't swim it off. Can't run it off. Can't cry it off- I'm only allowing myself to cry once, and I used that up last night.
I mean, this isn't earth-shattering. It happens. On the scale of dramatic break-ups, it's probably in the negatives. I'll be fine. A bit sad, but ultimately, fine.