I need to take a chill pill.
God, what an awful day subbing.
It was the second day ever that kids have made me cry, but this time it was a different class. I had my final observation with my supervisor from CSUEB today, and during the period she observed, the kids were horrible. They were throwing things, throwing things *at me*, being generally disrespectful and talking when I was trying to talk to them, and talking when they were supposed to be doing work silently at their desks. It was a disaster. I didn't cry in front of them, at least - I wouldn't do that. I didn't even feel like I was going to cry until the meeting with my supervisor at lunch. She was being very sweet and understanding, and to have someone there who seemed to completely understand and know what I was going through, that was what made me finally cry. Of course, I wasn't just crying because of today. I've been under a lot of stress lately with a lot of work to do, and I'm just tired. So, so, tired.
The rest of the day wasn't as awful, and shockingly, the 8th graders in 6th period were amazingly good - I even made a list of students (almost the whole class) to give positive referral cards to. I'm really grateful that that period was good, because they are usually the worst, and I was dreading 6th period. It was nice to have a break from so much shit.
My supervisor said this was why she didn't really want me to be at the same school for my 2nd placement - it's the school that is like this, and there's not much I can do about it. The kids just mostly have no respect at all for adults. She said that my master teacher also could have done more before I came into the classroom to introduce me as something other than a "student teacher." They respect me less than they respect most other teachers, because they don't think of me as a "real teacher." When I said something today about my expectations in "my classroom," I heard a student say something like, "it's not your classroom, it's Ms. Kamat's classroom." I try not to let it get to me, but ugh, it just pisses me off. It *is* my classroom, especially when I'm the one teaching in there.
I called my master teacher after school today, and she said to take Monday off. Thank God. Seriously, I need it, and I was almost going to ask her if I could do that, anyway. I have school work to turn in this week that I will want to take the time to catch up on on Monday, and I'll actually get SLEEP. I can't tell you how relieved I am about having Monday off. I also told her I'm feeling really overwhelmed about the idea of subbing for her for 3 days next week (She's going to be gone for Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, and that's also the Friday right before a 3-day weekend)... so she said we could talk more on Tuesday and if I'm still feeling the same, she'll get someone else to come in and sub. I'm kind of hoping that maybe she'll actually just let me have off for the rest of the school year pretty soon... I don't want to teach there anymore. I'm tired of it and I don't feel like I'll do a very good job when I really don't want to be there. But we'll see.
The other letdown of the day was that I didn't get the job in Beijing. I got a rejection e-mail from them. I am surprised, but not as disappointed as I could be. I kind of feel a bit relieved, simply because this way, the decision is made for me, and I don't have to worry about making the right decision. I was also kind of stressed about getting everything ready in time to go.
At least I already had a job lined up here for the summer, and I know it will be fun. :) I'm going to be a lead teacher for TechKnowHow Summer Camps, teaching middle school kids how to make computer games, and elementary school kids some lego robotics stuff. It should be a lot of fun, and one major difference between that and what I'm doing now is that these kids will mostly *want* to be there. It's a voluntary thing that their parents sign them up for, so for the most part, the motivation should be there. Plus, each camp only lasts a week, so if I have some kids who drive me crazy, I'll have them only for a week at a time. One of the locations that has these summer camps is right down the street from my house, so I will be able to walk to work at least for one week. :) I'll be at different locations in San Francisco throughout the summer, and it will last for six weeks, which should be just the right amount of time.
Tomorrow I am doing the Relay for Life, and then Sunday, I am getting two cavities filled for free, but it will take all day because my student dentist is doing it for his WREB exam, so that'll be fun. At least it's free, and I might get lunch, too. All the stuff I have going on this weekend makes me all the more glad to have Monday off. Maybe I'll even try to schedule a massage or something for myself on Monday.
It was the second day ever that kids have made me cry, but this time it was a different class. I had my final observation with my supervisor from CSUEB today, and during the period she observed, the kids were horrible. They were throwing things, throwing things *at me*, being generally disrespectful and talking when I was trying to talk to them, and talking when they were supposed to be doing work silently at their desks. It was a disaster. I didn't cry in front of them, at least - I wouldn't do that. I didn't even feel like I was going to cry until the meeting with my supervisor at lunch. She was being very sweet and understanding, and to have someone there who seemed to completely understand and know what I was going through, that was what made me finally cry. Of course, I wasn't just crying because of today. I've been under a lot of stress lately with a lot of work to do, and I'm just tired. So, so, tired.
The rest of the day wasn't as awful, and shockingly, the 8th graders in 6th period were amazingly good - I even made a list of students (almost the whole class) to give positive referral cards to. I'm really grateful that that period was good, because they are usually the worst, and I was dreading 6th period. It was nice to have a break from so much shit.
My supervisor said this was why she didn't really want me to be at the same school for my 2nd placement - it's the school that is like this, and there's not much I can do about it. The kids just mostly have no respect at all for adults. She said that my master teacher also could have done more before I came into the classroom to introduce me as something other than a "student teacher." They respect me less than they respect most other teachers, because they don't think of me as a "real teacher." When I said something today about my expectations in "my classroom," I heard a student say something like, "it's not your classroom, it's Ms. Kamat's classroom." I try not to let it get to me, but ugh, it just pisses me off. It *is* my classroom, especially when I'm the one teaching in there.
I called my master teacher after school today, and she said to take Monday off. Thank God. Seriously, I need it, and I was almost going to ask her if I could do that, anyway. I have school work to turn in this week that I will want to take the time to catch up on on Monday, and I'll actually get SLEEP. I can't tell you how relieved I am about having Monday off. I also told her I'm feeling really overwhelmed about the idea of subbing for her for 3 days next week (She's going to be gone for Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, and that's also the Friday right before a 3-day weekend)... so she said we could talk more on Tuesday and if I'm still feeling the same, she'll get someone else to come in and sub. I'm kind of hoping that maybe she'll actually just let me have off for the rest of the school year pretty soon... I don't want to teach there anymore. I'm tired of it and I don't feel like I'll do a very good job when I really don't want to be there. But we'll see.
The other letdown of the day was that I didn't get the job in Beijing. I got a rejection e-mail from them. I am surprised, but not as disappointed as I could be. I kind of feel a bit relieved, simply because this way, the decision is made for me, and I don't have to worry about making the right decision. I was also kind of stressed about getting everything ready in time to go.
At least I already had a job lined up here for the summer, and I know it will be fun. :) I'm going to be a lead teacher for TechKnowHow Summer Camps, teaching middle school kids how to make computer games, and elementary school kids some lego robotics stuff. It should be a lot of fun, and one major difference between that and what I'm doing now is that these kids will mostly *want* to be there. It's a voluntary thing that their parents sign them up for, so for the most part, the motivation should be there. Plus, each camp only lasts a week, so if I have some kids who drive me crazy, I'll have them only for a week at a time. One of the locations that has these summer camps is right down the street from my house, so I will be able to walk to work at least for one week. :) I'll be at different locations in San Francisco throughout the summer, and it will last for six weeks, which should be just the right amount of time.
Tomorrow I am doing the Relay for Life, and then Sunday, I am getting two cavities filled for free, but it will take all day because my student dentist is doing it for his WREB exam, so that'll be fun. At least it's free, and I might get lunch, too. All the stuff I have going on this weekend makes me all the more glad to have Monday off. Maybe I'll even try to schedule a massage or something for myself on Monday.