family matters
my sister, aimee, is visiting for the weekend from north carolina. while we're the closest of all the sisters and i consider her to be my best friend/biggest fan/unrivaled supporter, etc., every time she visits i'm confronted with the fact that i also kind of hate her. she's vain, weight-obsessed and waaaaaay too conscious & concerned about what other people think of her. basically, she's everything i hated about girls in high school and college, everything i still hate about girls now. it used to be a LOT worse when we actually WERE in high school; she was a senior when i was a freshman, and man, we could not have been (and i suppose still can't be) more opposite. she was the gorgeous, popular, had-every-guy-on-a-string, captain of the cheerleading squad party party mega bitch. i was the... not that. my life in high school consisted of really enjoying studying/doing homework but hating the school i attended, going to football games to watch the band, singing in choir, being abused by my douchebag boyfriend and reading.
she haaaaaaaaaaated me. i was just not cool, pretty, fashionable, or popular enough for her.
as we got older, she got better about dropping the elaborate "popular girl" facade she crafted--and when i say elaborate, i mean it. because of a speech impediment she deemed embarrassing and uncool/a flaw no one could/should/would ever see, she eliminated words containing the letter 'r' from her vocabulary. seriously. for years, she NEVER said a word aloud if it contained an 'r,' including my name. only when her close friend, tracy berry, was killed in a car accident a few years ago did she finally gave in and began pronouncing her 'r's--with no trace of the original speech impediment. after that she let go of a lot of her high school crazy, and that's when we became close. she opened herself up to her own flaws, as well as those of other people, and grew into the compassionate, kind hearted woman i'm so thankful for. however.
every now and then, when things get stressful for her--like now, when her hubs is deployed--she falls back into her old bad habits and it. is. excruciating. i HATE being around her! i mean, jesus fucking christ, i know i'm not super-skinny, or particularly beautiful; yes, i know i don't have a boyfriend and am apparently incapable of getting one; yes, i know i have small boobs and tattoos and liberal thoughts and am honest about my emotions and don't really give a fuck what other people think about me. I'M QUITE AWARE OF WHAT YOU CONSIDER TO BE MY INADEQUACIES, THANK-YOU VERY MUCH, AIMEE MURGADO NEELY SO YOU CAN STOP POINTING THEM OUT EVERY GODDAMN SECOND OF THE DAY. what kills me most is the round-about way she conveys her disdain for my life. she never insults me directly, but instead makes hurtful comments about people she knows/sees/makes up in her crazy fucking head that are exactly like me, like i can't make the connection. i'm just so exhausted by her being here.
wah wah wah, right? ugh, fuck off.
she haaaaaaaaaaated me. i was just not cool, pretty, fashionable, or popular enough for her.
as we got older, she got better about dropping the elaborate "popular girl" facade she crafted--and when i say elaborate, i mean it. because of a speech impediment she deemed embarrassing and uncool/a flaw no one could/should/would ever see, she eliminated words containing the letter 'r' from her vocabulary. seriously. for years, she NEVER said a word aloud if it contained an 'r,' including my name. only when her close friend, tracy berry, was killed in a car accident a few years ago did she finally gave in and began pronouncing her 'r's--with no trace of the original speech impediment. after that she let go of a lot of her high school crazy, and that's when we became close. she opened herself up to her own flaws, as well as those of other people, and grew into the compassionate, kind hearted woman i'm so thankful for. however.
every now and then, when things get stressful for her--like now, when her hubs is deployed--she falls back into her old bad habits and it. is. excruciating. i HATE being around her! i mean, jesus fucking christ, i know i'm not super-skinny, or particularly beautiful; yes, i know i don't have a boyfriend and am apparently incapable of getting one; yes, i know i have small boobs and tattoos and liberal thoughts and am honest about my emotions and don't really give a fuck what other people think about me. I'M QUITE AWARE OF WHAT YOU CONSIDER TO BE MY INADEQUACIES, THANK-YOU VERY MUCH, AIMEE MURGADO NEELY SO YOU CAN STOP POINTING THEM OUT EVERY GODDAMN SECOND OF THE DAY. what kills me most is the round-about way she conveys her disdain for my life. she never insults me directly, but instead makes hurtful comments about people she knows/sees/makes up in her crazy fucking head that are exactly like me, like i can't make the connection. i'm just so exhausted by her being here.
wah wah wah, right? ugh, fuck off.