'Amarantine' Chapter Nine - Return
Title: "Amarantine"
Chapter: 9 of 10 - Return
Rating: PG
Pairing: John/Elizabeth
Genre: Romance/Angst/Drama
Summary: "He didn't have forever, but you do. And you wonder time and time again, if that makes a difference."
Author's Note: This is my first Atlantis fic in quite a little while, and it feels nice to come home every once in a while, I've gotta say. I've been working on it for some time now and I hope that it's reached it's potential. I've written it for anuna_81 as a gift.
This is set following "Ghost In The Machine" (in a sense). And it leads on to well beyond the end of the series. I hope that the fic can explain it for you.
Also noted: Each chapter will be accompanied by an Enya song. These songs have all been specifically chosen to coincide with each chapter, so please listen as you read. Think of it as a soundtrack. (Note: All mistakes and annoying repetitions, are mine.)
Disclaimer: All Stargate Atlantis characters and/or locations are the property of MGM. No copyright inringement is intended nor is profit gained from the distribution of this story.
Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven | Chapter Eight | Chapter Nine | Chapter Ten
Some they know as passion
some as freedom
some they know as love
and the way it leaves them
summer snowflake
for a season
when the sky above is blue.
~ Enya, Flora's Secret
----
Chapter 9: Return
"What is it that you're doing?" You ask her, as you hover around her lab. She's flipping switches and calibrating machines you've never seen before, not even when Rodney was still discovering the wonders of Atlantis.
You realise that the lab you're in, is too far down from the tower for you to have seen it before. You've never been this far into the bowels of the East Pier, but you're comfortable in the knowledge that Meredith seems to know exactly what she's doing, what she's touching. She moves with a confidence that mirrors her Grandfather, and in watching her, you almost feel like you're there; almost.
"Did you ever study Astrophysics?" She questions, in response to your question. You smirk.
"I don't suppose, listening to your Grandfather at meetings with far more interest, yet no more understanding than John, counts?" She laughs gently, though she doesn't turn from what she's doing. She seems focused on her work, writing down calculations, scratching them out and re-writing them.
"Nope." You can hear the grin in her voice and it makes your smile brighten.
"Alright then," You grin and she chances a glance in your direction and you see that lopsided grin of her Grandfather on her lips. "I'll just be quiet then. I trust you."
"Thank you," She breathes. Though while you hear the sigh of relief in her voice, you know that she's not going to throw you a frustrated comment, as Rodney would have. She's not going to berate you for not knowing exactly what she's doing and even though it was a quality in Rodney that you overlooked, making him all the more endearing, you're grateful that she inherited a far more accomodating nature. No doubt, from her mother. And you realise, right then, that you have no idea who her mother was. Or her Grandmother, for that matter.
You blink, noticing that she's stopped working for a moment and she turns to you. She focuses on you and you stare, anticipating what you don't know. "You might actually be able to grasp what I'm doing, to a point."
You raise your eyebrows. "How so?"
"A few years ago, I read a mission report. It detailed the account of a woman that spent ten-thousand years in stasis, waiting for an expedition to arrive in Atlantis and trigger the fail-safes, causing the City to rise to the surface." She gestures toward you. "Your expedition."
Your eyes widen. "That was me, or, a version of me." You breathe and the smile on Meredith's lips, warms your heart.
"Yes." She nods. "What I'm doing is similar to the work done by the scientist, Janus, in her report. A ship similar to the one that sent her back to the time of the ancients, was found many years ago in the Milky Way. Scientists have been studying it ever since. What I've managed to do is rework the system to send you, much the way a Stargate does, or perhaps the way the Wraith Darts I read about, did; Re-working the system to send a single person, instead of an entire vessel."
"Really?" Your eyes are full of wonder and you choose not to hold it back. Because the prospect of going home, now, is far more real to you than it was two days ago. And you try not to admit that you trust her judgement all the more, because to you, if anyone could possibly do it, it's the progeny of Rodney McKay.
"Yes. The concept is to send you, not as a seperate entity, back in time. But to basically re-write time itself. That's not exactly how it works, but it's the simplest way I can think to explain it. You see, I would be sending you from here, in this lab. But I will calculate the machine so that when you arrive back in the past, at the exact time that I intend, you will appear exactly where you were, back then."
You nod, trying to comprehend it all. "So, if you send me back to noon, on the sixth of july, nineteen-seventy-five, I'll be a starfish in my first school play?"
Meredith giggles. "Yes, basically. It's not sending your body, so much as returning your mind to that time. But I intend to send you to a time a bit later than nineteen-seventy-five."
"Wow."
She nods. "If we can pull it off, yes. Though, I don't know how I'll ever know it worked, considering I would cease to exist."
There is a silence that spreads between you, filled with a deepness you can't quite grasp. You want, beyond all else, to go home. But in her words, you hear the fear she seems intent to swallow; a fear that you share. You don't want this vibrant, intelligent young woman, that you've come to love as if she were your own daughter or your very best friend, to disappear without a trace. And she would, if your being alive is the catalyst that changes her past. If your death was the one fork in the road, that brought her Grandparents together. You're startlingly aware, that she knows it's possible. But you love her all the more for working tirelessly in spite of it.
Suddenly, she steps back from her work and your eyes widen in anticipation. You jump to your feet, feeling the tension in the air as she turns to you, taking a deep breath. "I think it's done."
You're not entirely sure what to say to that. You don't know if it'd matter, leaving right now, or waiting another half an hour, so that you can say a proper goodbye. She saves you the trouble of deciding though, as she raises her hand to her radio and calls Caleb and Samuel down to the lab. You're going home, you realise and the reality hits you like a tidal wave. "I'm actually going home." You whisper and she looks up at you with a simple smile. It isn't particularly bright or joyful, nor is it sad. Just a simple, gentle acknowledgement that she was changing the course of history, because it would make her friend smile.
"Yes." Her voice shakes and you can hear it more clearly now. She's just as scared as you.
"What-what," You stammer nervously and she smiles, reaching to grasp your hand. "What was your Grandmother's name?" You know that your words have come out in a desperate rush, but you think that perhaps she knows exactly why you're asking. At least you hope she does, in spite of your anxiety.
A smile spreads on her lips, brighter, wider. But her manner is coy as she dips her head and you see that she's realised you're willing to do as great a deed for her, as she's just done for you.
"Her name was Jennifer."
Your surprise comes out in a giddy laugh. "Was her maiden name, 'Keller'?"
She smirks her curiosity as she nods her head and you continue to laugh gently. Not because you find the idea ridiculous, but because it's a match you hadn't ever considered. "And your parents, did they meet on Atlantis, or here, on Earth, outside the city?"
"Actually, my mother is Athosian. Although, she's become quite taken with South Florida. She likes to pretend that that's where she's from if anyone asks."
"But they met on Atlantis?" You realise that your voice is insistant, though you don't apologise for it.
"Yes."
Reaching up, you press your hand to her cheek as you would a sister as you bid her farewell. Running your thumb across her cheekbone, you smile and she mirrors it. Neither of you immediately notice that Samuel and Caleb have arrived. "You will exist." You promise and you squeeze her hand tightly as tears come to her eyes. "I promise you, Meredith. You will exist."
"Thank you." She whispers, almost breathlessly as you turn to the two men beside you. "She's ready to go." She addresses them with a clearer, steadier voice and they both smile. Caleb reaches for you first, wrapping you in his arms and bidding you a kind farewell. He steps back as Samuel steps forward though you don't miss that Caleb's arm has gone around Meredith's shoulders, pulling her into his chest as you embrace Samuel. "You're much more handsome than your Grandfather." You joke, kissing his cheek as he blushes and steps away.
"I'll never forget any of you." You promise, even though you're not exactly sure what this machine of Meredith's will do. If you'll remember anything at all. With a deep breath, you keep your worries to yourself and silently pray that you remember.
"You need to stand up here." Meredith gestures to the small podium behind you and without another word, you step back up, on to it. "Are you ready?"
You nod, unable to voice how desperately you want this. You set your eyes on Meredith's as she hits the button, as a whirring sound fills your senses and the small room fills with white light.
"Goodbye Elizabeth." She says softly and you smile, letting the warmth of the light take you as it causes the room before you, and your three young friends, to disappear.
"...about who's right and who's wrong, but it wouldn't matter..." There is a pause. "Doctor Weir?"
You blink, staring. "I'm sorry, what were you saying?" It takes you a moment to realise who it was that was speaking. Like waking up from a very realistic dream, it takes you a moment to realise where you are. Out of the corner of your eye, you see him in the control room, beyond the glass confines of your office, and suddenly, you're stunned to silence. "John," You breathe, noticing the confused look in Colonel Ellis' eyes, though finding it hard to acknowledge him when John was right there, strong and young, just as he was, just as he is, right there before you, his eyes bearing into your soul from the moment he noticed you looking..
You could remember clearly, holding his frail hand as he slipped away. But there he is, standing before you, frowning, confused and worried. "Elizabeth, are you alright?" He questions, stepping into the office, and you swallow before trying your hand at a reassuring smile.
"Yes," You clear your throat. "I'm fine." Glancing between the two men, you take a deep breath before casting your eyes around the room. You're in your office. Back through the glass walls you can see Rodney in the control room, Chuck at his side, looking in. On the display to your right, you can see the plans for the attack on the Replicator homeworld and all of a sudden, you realise exactly where Meredith has sent you. Immediately, you know exactly what you need to do. "John, I need to speak to you in private for a moment, please."
You do your best to display the intensity that you feel, the passionate desperation, in one single look as you cast Ellis out of your acknowledgement completely. "Sure," He breathes, focussing on you and you blush slightly, under his unrelenting concern.
"Colonel, please?" You don't elaborate, feeling that simply addressing the other man, will be enough to have him know you wish him to leave.
"Yeah," He's suspicious, you can tell by his wavering tone of voice, but he doesn't protest. You're grateful for that, but you don't tell him. The man has grated on your last nerve far too much for you to give him the satisfaction.
The both of you wait until the door closes behind him. John waits, until the silence encases you both before he's by your side in less than two strides and he's looking down at you, his chest almost touching yours; almost. You can feel his breath on your face as he dips his head to ask you what's wrong. "What is it, Elizabeth? Where did you go just now?"
To him, you drifted for but a moment. And you have no idea how to tell him that you've lived a lifetime in the blink of an eye. "You're not going to believe me." You find that you're laughing, but the idea of trying to convince him, you know, is no laughing matter.
"Rodney had Cadman in his head for a few days. We've got life-sucking aliens out to kill us and/or hitch a ride to Earth and we live in a floating city-come-spaceship," He's smirking and you find yourself looking up into his eyes with a conspiratorial smile as he lowers his voice to a tender octave. "try me?"
Lowering yourself back to rest against the edge of your desk, you cross your arms over your chest. Looking up at him, scrutinizing him, you bite your lip. "Do you believe in time travel, John?"
"I spoke to the ten-thousand-year-old, you, Elizabeth. I think, having believed it or not in the past, it's a bit hard to deny what's right in front of you. And pretty niave to think you even can."
Nodding, you consider his answer. "Would you believe me if I told you that, this morning, I woke up sixty years in the future? If I told you that it's Rodney's Granddaughter that sent me back here?"
John snorts a laugh and to find yourself holding your breath, praying that he's not going to make fun of you. "I don't know Elizabeth. Rodney married, let alone, having kids?" He shakes his head and you find yourself laughing gently along with him. Sobering, you cross your arms tighter around yourself, waiting for him to elaborate on his response. "But okay, lets say that it's true. That this morning, you were on Atlantis, sixty-years in the future. Why did she send you back?" You wonder for a moment, if he only believes you because you've never sounded so crazy.
Licking your lips, you slowly stand until you're inches from his face again. Looking up into his eyes. "So that I can save you, John. The future that you had there is something I couldn't live with myself if I didn't try to prevent. You'll say that it's not possible, that it's not you. But it happened, John, and I believe that it'll happen again if I don't stop you."
He's suddenly completely serious and you realise that, regardless of what he might think of far-fetched fairytales concocted on the spur of the moment, he's become a man open to all kinds of miracles. Somehow, someway, he believes you. At least, he believes that you believe it.
"Stop me? Save me?"
"You can't go through with this plan, John. We need to leave the Replicators alone."
His eyes widen. "Elizabeth? How can you say that? I know you don't like this plan and I can understand why that might be, but how can you even suggest that we..."
"I know how you feel about this, John." You cut him off. "But there has to be another way. This plan won't work."
"How could you possibly know that?"
You purse your lips, running it all through your head again as you consider how best to answer the question. "The things I saw." Breathing out deeply, you inch closer to him. "You were all that was left, John. You were alone and Atlantis was practically a forgotten museum piece. The crew was so small," You can feel your lips quivering and when the warmth of his hands at your elbows, radiates up, you realise that he's touching you gently, reassuringly and it's all you can do not to let out a tear. Looking up at him, seeing the care in his eyes, the concern, your heart almost breaks at the memory of his weathered features. "you were so old."
"Well, you did say it was sixty years from now, Elizabeth."
You shake your head. "I know, but it wasn't like that. It was...different."
"But what does all that have to do with attacking the Replicators?"
"If we attack them, they're going to retaliate in a way that we don't have the strength to defend. We can't win, John. So many people died. So many people will die."
"We'll protect them. Like Ellis said, they're not going to see us coming. The ships need to be destroyed, Elizabeth."
"No, John." You shake your head, fighting an uphill battle with him. He can't wrap his head around it because to him, the plan seems fool-proof. You know that if he'd seen the outcome, he'd change his play in an instant, but he wasn't the one who had lived it. "We think we have the upper hand, but we don't. We cannot do this."
Shaking his head, he starts to turn and you know that he's retreating. You've planted the seed of doubt, but he's not going to let it grow.
"John," You grab his arm as he turns away and you're desperate, but you're fairly sure that he's caught on to that. You can see in his expressive eyes, that he's not entirely sure why. He thinks this is a done deal. "Don't agree to this." You're begging and you know it, though you know he'll never tell.
You can see that he doesn't understand. "Why are you so against this?"
"Please, John." Your voice is pleading but, deep down, you know that's not enough. Gently, he removes your fingers from the fabric of his jacket, and if he holds on a little too long, neither of you mention it.
"Please," You whisper as he turns to walk away. You can see by the way he reluctantly turns, that he doesn't want to go; your hesitance is enough to give him pause but he sees this as a good plan, he won't stop. You know that had you not seen the carnage that was to come, you would have let him go through with it. But you know the future and you know his fate and you can't bring yourself to allow him to do this. You can't bring yourself to let that future be.
He gets to the door before you gather enough strength to use the one card you've been too afraid to play. "John, wait." You call, and he stops almost as if he'd been waiting for an excuse to do so.
Slowly, you edge closer to him and you can see, almost feel the tension radiating from him. He likes this plan because it's doing something, anything, to fight back. You hate it, for the same reasons. Pleading with your eyes, you look up to him, that slight inch that makes him feel so much larger than you are. "Please," You whisper again, because your voice is too shaky to raise. "If you can't do this for them, John. If you can't do this for all the people that are going to die when the Replicators strike back," You swallow, barely containing the fear of pushing the line you're terrified to cross. In another life, this would work. But you're scared to think that this place you've returned to, where John is John again and everything is as you remember it from years ago, is somehow different. You're afraid to think that he's not going to feel the same as the John that held your hand as he died of a long, lonely life. "Do it for me."
It's a long time that you stare into each other's eyes. You feel that after all this time, you're bound to know every line, every fleck of gold in his hazel depths, but you constantly find yourself surprised by the splendor hidden in his dark gaze. "I don't understand, Elizabeth-" He's trying to reason, trying to find understanding in something that will take far too long to explain, so you grasp his other hand and you move closer, no longer afraid.
Your stomach presses to his and you hold his hands together with yours, against your chest as you raise your chin in renewed defiance. "If you do this, John, I will die."
"You-" His throat catches and he goes silent, staring down at you and you're certain, he doesn't know how to answer that. He doesn't know how to ask. "Elizabeth," He breathes and you can see the flicker of doubt dance across his eyes. You notice that his hands, entwined with your own, have tightened their hold.
"If you go through with this, John, the Replicators will attack and I will die, slowly."
It's petty, you know and it's a last ditch attempt to win. You don't tell him that you're doing it for him, that you're doing it to save his life. You plead to his stronger need because you know that his own life means little to him, compared to yours. You've used the only thing that you can and in his prolonged silence, you pray that it's enough.
"Okay." He chokes, gripping your hands fiercely to his chest, holding them in one hand and using the other to grasp the back of your head, crushing you to him. "Okay."
A wave of relief washes over you as you fall into him, letting the scent of him fill your senses. You slip a hand free, wrapping your arm around and pressing your palm to his lower back, helping him pull the two of you even closer and you get the destinct feeling, that he thinks he just can't keep you close enough.
"Okay, if Ellis still insists, we'll move Atlantis before the plan goes ahead but beyond that, I'll keep myself out of it. Maybe that'll be enough to change the future. If I stay with you, maybe it'll be enough to save you."
You smile against his shirt. "A simple step to the left alters your path. Maybe it will be enough."
"It had better be."
He kisses the top of your head and you smile against his shirt again, letting silent tears of relief dampen the fabric. "Thank you," You breathe, kissing his chest and you don't really know when everything between you became so intimate. It just seems so natural to hold him, to kiss his chest like it was the simplest gesture. "Thank you."
TBC.
Chapter: 9 of 10 - Return
Rating: PG
Pairing: John/Elizabeth
Genre: Romance/Angst/Drama
Summary: "He didn't have forever, but you do. And you wonder time and time again, if that makes a difference."
Author's Note: This is my first Atlantis fic in quite a little while, and it feels nice to come home every once in a while, I've gotta say. I've been working on it for some time now and I hope that it's reached it's potential. I've written it for anuna_81 as a gift.
This is set following "Ghost In The Machine" (in a sense). And it leads on to well beyond the end of the series. I hope that the fic can explain it for you.
Also noted: Each chapter will be accompanied by an Enya song. These songs have all been specifically chosen to coincide with each chapter, so please listen as you read. Think of it as a soundtrack. (Note: All mistakes and annoying repetitions, are mine.)
Disclaimer: All Stargate Atlantis characters and/or locations are the property of MGM. No copyright inringement is intended nor is profit gained from the distribution of this story.
Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven | Chapter Eight | Chapter Nine | Chapter Ten
Click to viewSome they know as passion
some as freedom
some they know as love
and the way it leaves them
summer snowflake
for a season
when the sky above is blue.
~ Enya, Flora's Secret
----
Chapter 9: Return
"What is it that you're doing?" You ask her, as you hover around her lab. She's flipping switches and calibrating machines you've never seen before, not even when Rodney was still discovering the wonders of Atlantis.
You realise that the lab you're in, is too far down from the tower for you to have seen it before. You've never been this far into the bowels of the East Pier, but you're comfortable in the knowledge that Meredith seems to know exactly what she's doing, what she's touching. She moves with a confidence that mirrors her Grandfather, and in watching her, you almost feel like you're there; almost.
"Did you ever study Astrophysics?" She questions, in response to your question. You smirk.
"I don't suppose, listening to your Grandfather at meetings with far more interest, yet no more understanding than John, counts?" She laughs gently, though she doesn't turn from what she's doing. She seems focused on her work, writing down calculations, scratching them out and re-writing them.
"Nope." You can hear the grin in her voice and it makes your smile brighten.
"Alright then," You grin and she chances a glance in your direction and you see that lopsided grin of her Grandfather on her lips. "I'll just be quiet then. I trust you."
"Thank you," She breathes. Though while you hear the sigh of relief in her voice, you know that she's not going to throw you a frustrated comment, as Rodney would have. She's not going to berate you for not knowing exactly what she's doing and even though it was a quality in Rodney that you overlooked, making him all the more endearing, you're grateful that she inherited a far more accomodating nature. No doubt, from her mother. And you realise, right then, that you have no idea who her mother was. Or her Grandmother, for that matter.
You blink, noticing that she's stopped working for a moment and she turns to you. She focuses on you and you stare, anticipating what you don't know. "You might actually be able to grasp what I'm doing, to a point."
You raise your eyebrows. "How so?"
"A few years ago, I read a mission report. It detailed the account of a woman that spent ten-thousand years in stasis, waiting for an expedition to arrive in Atlantis and trigger the fail-safes, causing the City to rise to the surface." She gestures toward you. "Your expedition."
Your eyes widen. "That was me, or, a version of me." You breathe and the smile on Meredith's lips, warms your heart.
"Yes." She nods. "What I'm doing is similar to the work done by the scientist, Janus, in her report. A ship similar to the one that sent her back to the time of the ancients, was found many years ago in the Milky Way. Scientists have been studying it ever since. What I've managed to do is rework the system to send you, much the way a Stargate does, or perhaps the way the Wraith Darts I read about, did; Re-working the system to send a single person, instead of an entire vessel."
"Really?" Your eyes are full of wonder and you choose not to hold it back. Because the prospect of going home, now, is far more real to you than it was two days ago. And you try not to admit that you trust her judgement all the more, because to you, if anyone could possibly do it, it's the progeny of Rodney McKay.
"Yes. The concept is to send you, not as a seperate entity, back in time. But to basically re-write time itself. That's not exactly how it works, but it's the simplest way I can think to explain it. You see, I would be sending you from here, in this lab. But I will calculate the machine so that when you arrive back in the past, at the exact time that I intend, you will appear exactly where you were, back then."
You nod, trying to comprehend it all. "So, if you send me back to noon, on the sixth of july, nineteen-seventy-five, I'll be a starfish in my first school play?"
Meredith giggles. "Yes, basically. It's not sending your body, so much as returning your mind to that time. But I intend to send you to a time a bit later than nineteen-seventy-five."
"Wow."
She nods. "If we can pull it off, yes. Though, I don't know how I'll ever know it worked, considering I would cease to exist."
There is a silence that spreads between you, filled with a deepness you can't quite grasp. You want, beyond all else, to go home. But in her words, you hear the fear she seems intent to swallow; a fear that you share. You don't want this vibrant, intelligent young woman, that you've come to love as if she were your own daughter or your very best friend, to disappear without a trace. And she would, if your being alive is the catalyst that changes her past. If your death was the one fork in the road, that brought her Grandparents together. You're startlingly aware, that she knows it's possible. But you love her all the more for working tirelessly in spite of it.
Suddenly, she steps back from her work and your eyes widen in anticipation. You jump to your feet, feeling the tension in the air as she turns to you, taking a deep breath. "I think it's done."
You're not entirely sure what to say to that. You don't know if it'd matter, leaving right now, or waiting another half an hour, so that you can say a proper goodbye. She saves you the trouble of deciding though, as she raises her hand to her radio and calls Caleb and Samuel down to the lab. You're going home, you realise and the reality hits you like a tidal wave. "I'm actually going home." You whisper and she looks up at you with a simple smile. It isn't particularly bright or joyful, nor is it sad. Just a simple, gentle acknowledgement that she was changing the course of history, because it would make her friend smile.
"Yes." Her voice shakes and you can hear it more clearly now. She's just as scared as you.
"What-what," You stammer nervously and she smiles, reaching to grasp your hand. "What was your Grandmother's name?" You know that your words have come out in a desperate rush, but you think that perhaps she knows exactly why you're asking. At least you hope she does, in spite of your anxiety.
A smile spreads on her lips, brighter, wider. But her manner is coy as she dips her head and you see that she's realised you're willing to do as great a deed for her, as she's just done for you.
"Her name was Jennifer."
Your surprise comes out in a giddy laugh. "Was her maiden name, 'Keller'?"
She smirks her curiosity as she nods her head and you continue to laugh gently. Not because you find the idea ridiculous, but because it's a match you hadn't ever considered. "And your parents, did they meet on Atlantis, or here, on Earth, outside the city?"
"Actually, my mother is Athosian. Although, she's become quite taken with South Florida. She likes to pretend that that's where she's from if anyone asks."
"But they met on Atlantis?" You realise that your voice is insistant, though you don't apologise for it.
"Yes."
Reaching up, you press your hand to her cheek as you would a sister as you bid her farewell. Running your thumb across her cheekbone, you smile and she mirrors it. Neither of you immediately notice that Samuel and Caleb have arrived. "You will exist." You promise and you squeeze her hand tightly as tears come to her eyes. "I promise you, Meredith. You will exist."
"Thank you." She whispers, almost breathlessly as you turn to the two men beside you. "She's ready to go." She addresses them with a clearer, steadier voice and they both smile. Caleb reaches for you first, wrapping you in his arms and bidding you a kind farewell. He steps back as Samuel steps forward though you don't miss that Caleb's arm has gone around Meredith's shoulders, pulling her into his chest as you embrace Samuel. "You're much more handsome than your Grandfather." You joke, kissing his cheek as he blushes and steps away.
"I'll never forget any of you." You promise, even though you're not exactly sure what this machine of Meredith's will do. If you'll remember anything at all. With a deep breath, you keep your worries to yourself and silently pray that you remember.
"You need to stand up here." Meredith gestures to the small podium behind you and without another word, you step back up, on to it. "Are you ready?"
You nod, unable to voice how desperately you want this. You set your eyes on Meredith's as she hits the button, as a whirring sound fills your senses and the small room fills with white light.
"Goodbye Elizabeth." She says softly and you smile, letting the warmth of the light take you as it causes the room before you, and your three young friends, to disappear.
"...about who's right and who's wrong, but it wouldn't matter..." There is a pause. "Doctor Weir?"
You blink, staring. "I'm sorry, what were you saying?" It takes you a moment to realise who it was that was speaking. Like waking up from a very realistic dream, it takes you a moment to realise where you are. Out of the corner of your eye, you see him in the control room, beyond the glass confines of your office, and suddenly, you're stunned to silence. "John," You breathe, noticing the confused look in Colonel Ellis' eyes, though finding it hard to acknowledge him when John was right there, strong and young, just as he was, just as he is, right there before you, his eyes bearing into your soul from the moment he noticed you looking..
You could remember clearly, holding his frail hand as he slipped away. But there he is, standing before you, frowning, confused and worried. "Elizabeth, are you alright?" He questions, stepping into the office, and you swallow before trying your hand at a reassuring smile.
"Yes," You clear your throat. "I'm fine." Glancing between the two men, you take a deep breath before casting your eyes around the room. You're in your office. Back through the glass walls you can see Rodney in the control room, Chuck at his side, looking in. On the display to your right, you can see the plans for the attack on the Replicator homeworld and all of a sudden, you realise exactly where Meredith has sent you. Immediately, you know exactly what you need to do. "John, I need to speak to you in private for a moment, please."
You do your best to display the intensity that you feel, the passionate desperation, in one single look as you cast Ellis out of your acknowledgement completely. "Sure," He breathes, focussing on you and you blush slightly, under his unrelenting concern.
"Colonel, please?" You don't elaborate, feeling that simply addressing the other man, will be enough to have him know you wish him to leave.
"Yeah," He's suspicious, you can tell by his wavering tone of voice, but he doesn't protest. You're grateful for that, but you don't tell him. The man has grated on your last nerve far too much for you to give him the satisfaction.
The both of you wait until the door closes behind him. John waits, until the silence encases you both before he's by your side in less than two strides and he's looking down at you, his chest almost touching yours; almost. You can feel his breath on your face as he dips his head to ask you what's wrong. "What is it, Elizabeth? Where did you go just now?"
To him, you drifted for but a moment. And you have no idea how to tell him that you've lived a lifetime in the blink of an eye. "You're not going to believe me." You find that you're laughing, but the idea of trying to convince him, you know, is no laughing matter.
"Rodney had Cadman in his head for a few days. We've got life-sucking aliens out to kill us and/or hitch a ride to Earth and we live in a floating city-come-spaceship," He's smirking and you find yourself looking up into his eyes with a conspiratorial smile as he lowers his voice to a tender octave. "try me?"
Lowering yourself back to rest against the edge of your desk, you cross your arms over your chest. Looking up at him, scrutinizing him, you bite your lip. "Do you believe in time travel, John?"
"I spoke to the ten-thousand-year-old, you, Elizabeth. I think, having believed it or not in the past, it's a bit hard to deny what's right in front of you. And pretty niave to think you even can."
Nodding, you consider his answer. "Would you believe me if I told you that, this morning, I woke up sixty years in the future? If I told you that it's Rodney's Granddaughter that sent me back here?"
John snorts a laugh and to find yourself holding your breath, praying that he's not going to make fun of you. "I don't know Elizabeth. Rodney married, let alone, having kids?" He shakes his head and you find yourself laughing gently along with him. Sobering, you cross your arms tighter around yourself, waiting for him to elaborate on his response. "But okay, lets say that it's true. That this morning, you were on Atlantis, sixty-years in the future. Why did she send you back?" You wonder for a moment, if he only believes you because you've never sounded so crazy.
Licking your lips, you slowly stand until you're inches from his face again. Looking up into his eyes. "So that I can save you, John. The future that you had there is something I couldn't live with myself if I didn't try to prevent. You'll say that it's not possible, that it's not you. But it happened, John, and I believe that it'll happen again if I don't stop you."
He's suddenly completely serious and you realise that, regardless of what he might think of far-fetched fairytales concocted on the spur of the moment, he's become a man open to all kinds of miracles. Somehow, someway, he believes you. At least, he believes that you believe it.
"Stop me? Save me?"
"You can't go through with this plan, John. We need to leave the Replicators alone."
His eyes widen. "Elizabeth? How can you say that? I know you don't like this plan and I can understand why that might be, but how can you even suggest that we..."
"I know how you feel about this, John." You cut him off. "But there has to be another way. This plan won't work."
"How could you possibly know that?"
You purse your lips, running it all through your head again as you consider how best to answer the question. "The things I saw." Breathing out deeply, you inch closer to him. "You were all that was left, John. You were alone and Atlantis was practically a forgotten museum piece. The crew was so small," You can feel your lips quivering and when the warmth of his hands at your elbows, radiates up, you realise that he's touching you gently, reassuringly and it's all you can do not to let out a tear. Looking up at him, seeing the care in his eyes, the concern, your heart almost breaks at the memory of his weathered features. "you were so old."
"Well, you did say it was sixty years from now, Elizabeth."
You shake your head. "I know, but it wasn't like that. It was...different."
"But what does all that have to do with attacking the Replicators?"
"If we attack them, they're going to retaliate in a way that we don't have the strength to defend. We can't win, John. So many people died. So many people will die."
"We'll protect them. Like Ellis said, they're not going to see us coming. The ships need to be destroyed, Elizabeth."
"No, John." You shake your head, fighting an uphill battle with him. He can't wrap his head around it because to him, the plan seems fool-proof. You know that if he'd seen the outcome, he'd change his play in an instant, but he wasn't the one who had lived it. "We think we have the upper hand, but we don't. We cannot do this."
Shaking his head, he starts to turn and you know that he's retreating. You've planted the seed of doubt, but he's not going to let it grow.
"John," You grab his arm as he turns away and you're desperate, but you're fairly sure that he's caught on to that. You can see in his expressive eyes, that he's not entirely sure why. He thinks this is a done deal. "Don't agree to this." You're begging and you know it, though you know he'll never tell.
You can see that he doesn't understand. "Why are you so against this?"
"Please, John." Your voice is pleading but, deep down, you know that's not enough. Gently, he removes your fingers from the fabric of his jacket, and if he holds on a little too long, neither of you mention it.
"Please," You whisper as he turns to walk away. You can see by the way he reluctantly turns, that he doesn't want to go; your hesitance is enough to give him pause but he sees this as a good plan, he won't stop. You know that had you not seen the carnage that was to come, you would have let him go through with it. But you know the future and you know his fate and you can't bring yourself to allow him to do this. You can't bring yourself to let that future be.
He gets to the door before you gather enough strength to use the one card you've been too afraid to play. "John, wait." You call, and he stops almost as if he'd been waiting for an excuse to do so.
Slowly, you edge closer to him and you can see, almost feel the tension radiating from him. He likes this plan because it's doing something, anything, to fight back. You hate it, for the same reasons. Pleading with your eyes, you look up to him, that slight inch that makes him feel so much larger than you are. "Please," You whisper again, because your voice is too shaky to raise. "If you can't do this for them, John. If you can't do this for all the people that are going to die when the Replicators strike back," You swallow, barely containing the fear of pushing the line you're terrified to cross. In another life, this would work. But you're scared to think that this place you've returned to, where John is John again and everything is as you remember it from years ago, is somehow different. You're afraid to think that he's not going to feel the same as the John that held your hand as he died of a long, lonely life. "Do it for me."
It's a long time that you stare into each other's eyes. You feel that after all this time, you're bound to know every line, every fleck of gold in his hazel depths, but you constantly find yourself surprised by the splendor hidden in his dark gaze. "I don't understand, Elizabeth-" He's trying to reason, trying to find understanding in something that will take far too long to explain, so you grasp his other hand and you move closer, no longer afraid.
Your stomach presses to his and you hold his hands together with yours, against your chest as you raise your chin in renewed defiance. "If you do this, John, I will die."
"You-" His throat catches and he goes silent, staring down at you and you're certain, he doesn't know how to answer that. He doesn't know how to ask. "Elizabeth," He breathes and you can see the flicker of doubt dance across his eyes. You notice that his hands, entwined with your own, have tightened their hold.
"If you go through with this, John, the Replicators will attack and I will die, slowly."
It's petty, you know and it's a last ditch attempt to win. You don't tell him that you're doing it for him, that you're doing it to save his life. You plead to his stronger need because you know that his own life means little to him, compared to yours. You've used the only thing that you can and in his prolonged silence, you pray that it's enough.
"Okay." He chokes, gripping your hands fiercely to his chest, holding them in one hand and using the other to grasp the back of your head, crushing you to him. "Okay."
A wave of relief washes over you as you fall into him, letting the scent of him fill your senses. You slip a hand free, wrapping your arm around and pressing your palm to his lower back, helping him pull the two of you even closer and you get the destinct feeling, that he thinks he just can't keep you close enough.
"Okay, if Ellis still insists, we'll move Atlantis before the plan goes ahead but beyond that, I'll keep myself out of it. Maybe that'll be enough to change the future. If I stay with you, maybe it'll be enough to save you."
You smile against his shirt. "A simple step to the left alters your path. Maybe it will be enough."
"It had better be."
He kisses the top of your head and you smile against his shirt again, letting silent tears of relief dampen the fabric. "Thank you," You breathe, kissing his chest and you don't really know when everything between you became so intimate. It just seems so natural to hold him, to kiss his chest like it was the simplest gesture. "Thank you."
TBC.