one more nite
well here i sit for one last nite at my brothers computer b4 i go back to school tommro. i haven't even been gone that long but i miss everyone, i have no idea what i am going to do all summer b/c i know i am going to be sooo bored. oh well i have one more month to enjoy, and thats just what i am going to do. well today is easter and i would say that mine was pretty good besides that fact that it started at 5 am this morning, my parents love to go to sunrise mass, and today it was soooo cold. it was so weird this morning , my mom came in my room at 5 to wake me up and when she said "laura time to get up" it was so weird b/c i popped right up like i hadn't even slept. i was so confused i was like omg already i don't even feel like i slept, but ya it was really time, and it was also weird b/c of the 1st thing that was on my mind....ya that right my "crush" i have no idea y i don't know if i had a dream or what, but seriously this has got to stop, i really like him and lets be honest its based on nothing. i mean ya we hooked up a few times, had a few sleepovers and what not but we were always drunk. i mean i was never drunk enough to not know what was going on, but i dunno being drunk is so easily used as an excuse, and to b honest i have done it b4, i mean the fact that he can simply say i honestly don't remember "i was so gone" i dunno maybe almost gives me comfort, ya sure i never believe him b/c alot of times that is just used as an excuse but the fact that i can tell myself ya thats y he was so mean, he didn't really know what he was doin, just eases me for the moment, even though i know damn well that he did know what he was doin. i hate it that guys can just use me and that i just let it happen, i just fall so hard and i try to convince myself that maybe there is a possibility, even though i know in the back of my mind that nothin is ever going to happen. i know that i keep babbling on and on and on about this same subject but honestly i just wish i had answers and everyone tells me the same thing oh just play hard to get, ignore him, forget about him, hes a jerk u can do better, and i wish so much that i could but i dunno i just really think there is something about him, i don't know what it is and ya maybe its a passing thing, but i mean seriously, like me and him hooked up once, and then that was the end of it, and then like a month later on new years jen was like laura we have to go over there and i was like no i can't and she dragged me there and what happens....she leaves and i sleep over, go figure...then he got my #, of course he never called, so then i dropped it again and moved on again, then one random nite like i dunno a few more months down the road we meet again and the same thing happens, i sleep over again and the same situation, no call....then like a week later a random text message,and a random call...what does all this mean???????the cycle only continues on, and i tell myself that he doesn't care hes just keeps u around for when he needs to get a piece, but i dunno i can't seem to convince myself to just drop it completly.....like i think about him a lot...and thats prolly not good, b/c i'm sure that nothing will come from this, b/c nothin ever does but i just keep that glimmer of hope...well maybe he really does like u but hes afraid to say n e thing.. i mean maybe even a little bit, and i know that i just need to calm down and don't worry about it and just let it play out and whatever happens happens, but there are just so many thoughts and i try to make sense out of all of them but i can't.......ya well n e ways now that we have rehashed the same story for about the 1 millionth time, i'll move on w/ my day...so i went to church real early in the freezing cold and then we went for breakfast at my grammas and grandpas house, that was good, then it was on to work for 7 long boring hours, but i look at it as i got paid to stand around and honestly what else would i b doing all day. then after work i headed to my other grammas for dinner...mmmmm...it was yummy, i was really acting crazy at dinner, definatly not myself, i'm not sure if i was tired or what, but usually i'm pretty quiet and don't really say to much but oh no not today, at dinner i just randomly started singing, like uncontrollably, i just busted out all the songs that me and laura download and how random we are and then i started w/ the theme songs and i was trying to get ppl to remember them but i didn't have too much luck besides my sister but she wasn't as into it as i was, and i was really talkin to my cousin a lot but she only 14 so a lot of the shows were a little b4 her time, but she was gettin a kick out of listening to me, and then later on shes like "laura are u stonned?"and it totally caught me off guard b/c she only in 8th grade and i was like wow u know what that means, and i just laughed only thinking in my head well no but i wish i was now that i can again, i miss that feeling, of just complete relaxation and having a great time, i can't wait to get back in action! well i feel like i've been writing this entry forever, so i'm gonna get goin, but hopefully one of these days i'll have a really good happy update, but until then i'll just keep on truckin!
~laura
~laura