i feel
particularly insane at the moment. and no, its not the good insane. maybe i am scared of going to class? new things are scary. they potentially hurt. tonight i have to go out and hang out and meet a new person that i might not like or who might not like me. its scary. it makes me insane. I want to have something that isnt fast food please. I think that shit is killing me. I want a Leslie or a Curtis or a Brandon because lately those people make me feel comfortable. I DON't want a Seiler. Please no depressing people trying to make me feel bad for not dating them, thanks. ESPECIALLY since I informed them in the first place that I wasnt going to. Im sure it would be different if I had let them think they had a chance. It would be mean, too. Thats why I dont do it. Does anyone else think that apostrophes are often extraneous? I cant spell that word. See right now I am just babbling because I am nervous about who is reading my journal. So many people I dont know very well and I am anxious about making a good impression on them. I am one of those people who have to please others to get them out of my hair so I dont have to deal with them when they decide to hate me. Cause we all know I am not good at dealing with people who challenge me. Alas, i wish it wasnt true, but Im not yet accustomed to the idea that all of humanity is my brother and sister. I need to meditate on that more. I am not in the best of moods today. I need to calm down.