The World as You Know It....Is Gone...
Life has been pretty repetitive everyday except for the constant worry that creeps in the back of my head. I know that I made my own decisions. My body tells me one thing and then my soul says something completely different. We are constantly living this game of staring at the clock as the days go by. And I wonder why I put myself through all of this so I can just sit and worry for the rest of my days. Something feels different this time and scares me so much. My life will forever be alterted by the next few weeks of my life. It could either be in a temporary way or a permanent way. I have so much pain and fear that is all self inflicted. God I wish I could turn back time.
I know we aren't supposed to live with regret. Whether I made the wrong decisions is no longer my current fear. We are supposed to learn from the things that we do. I need to stop saying I'm going to stop and continuing to do it. I have to actually STOP. I've learned that with certain things in my life whether they be small or BIG I tend to play Russian Roulette almost. I see how far I can push until something goes wrong and even then I still push.
I truly have to live this alone. And it sucks. But there isn't anyone who can walk in my shoes but me. Only time will tell...
I know we aren't supposed to live with regret. Whether I made the wrong decisions is no longer my current fear. We are supposed to learn from the things that we do. I need to stop saying I'm going to stop and continuing to do it. I have to actually STOP. I've learned that with certain things in my life whether they be small or BIG I tend to play Russian Roulette almost. I see how far I can push until something goes wrong and even then I still push.
I truly have to live this alone. And it sucks. But there isn't anyone who can walk in my shoes but me. Only time will tell...