Tuesday
Today I...
Talked to a alcohol assessment councilor. I feel like maybe there might be a chance there could be something wrong with me. The guy told me I was ok. I left him some references to talk to and I was told by references that the councilor was actually quite impressed by me and my story. I take chances... I've made mistakes... I repeat those mistakes, but life is about learning.
Work was great today. I am constantly reminded by co-workers and clients that I am a hard worker and my work ethic pays off. I feel like my peers respect me.
We didn't do our normal Max Out Monday. I joke around and call our group of gym goers "Sons Of MOM". So instead I went home and did some extra work. I was tired because last night I read all my previous journal entries... They really put into perspective my life as I read about the things that used to bother me... How tiny and insignificant they were now, but were so new and huge to me then. I worried too much about girls. I let what other people think of me effect how I thought of myself. I don't feel like not much has changed since then, kind of really the same guy. With that perspective gained though, I see what I can do to change and make things better.
There are a lot of attractive women I work with. Its hard sometimes to stay focus. I plan on really trying my best to get to know them. I suppose something my ex said to me rings true in my ears and I know I need to work on it... she said, "You treat me like an accessory". I have been thinking about that for a year now. Do I objectify women as such that when I have someone... they are just simply an accessory for me? As if my love for her is no different than the love I have for my car.
Sadly that all could be true. On the other hand I wonder if it is a level of respect she never obtained from me... I never saw her as an equal and I am not sure I've ever thought of a girl as my equal. I think I feel threatened by that thought.
Anyway. The gym was good today. I feel like I could burn some more fat, but I feel very fit. I look at the mirror and I see a handsome person. I haven't felt that way in almost 2 years.
i'm gonna try this out for a shot... end this entry with...
<3_Karl.
Talked to a alcohol assessment councilor. I feel like maybe there might be a chance there could be something wrong with me. The guy told me I was ok. I left him some references to talk to and I was told by references that the councilor was actually quite impressed by me and my story. I take chances... I've made mistakes... I repeat those mistakes, but life is about learning.
Work was great today. I am constantly reminded by co-workers and clients that I am a hard worker and my work ethic pays off. I feel like my peers respect me.
We didn't do our normal Max Out Monday. I joke around and call our group of gym goers "Sons Of MOM". So instead I went home and did some extra work. I was tired because last night I read all my previous journal entries... They really put into perspective my life as I read about the things that used to bother me... How tiny and insignificant they were now, but were so new and huge to me then. I worried too much about girls. I let what other people think of me effect how I thought of myself. I don't feel like not much has changed since then, kind of really the same guy. With that perspective gained though, I see what I can do to change and make things better.
There are a lot of attractive women I work with. Its hard sometimes to stay focus. I plan on really trying my best to get to know them. I suppose something my ex said to me rings true in my ears and I know I need to work on it... she said, "You treat me like an accessory". I have been thinking about that for a year now. Do I objectify women as such that when I have someone... they are just simply an accessory for me? As if my love for her is no different than the love I have for my car.
Sadly that all could be true. On the other hand I wonder if it is a level of respect she never obtained from me... I never saw her as an equal and I am not sure I've ever thought of a girl as my equal. I think I feel threatened by that thought.
Anyway. The gym was good today. I feel like I could burn some more fat, but I feel very fit. I look at the mirror and I see a handsome person. I haven't felt that way in almost 2 years.
i'm gonna try this out for a shot... end this entry with...
<3_Karl.