Waiting
As I'm sitting here waiting for my project to update it just seems like that's all i'm doing lately. Waiting...
Waiting for:
results
something to happen
losing something
gaining something
feeling of being alone to end.
Patience is something I really have to work hard at and I just fail miserably.
I started watching a show again that I thought I couldn't because of its association. I'm glad that I can, I feel just that little more normal. My dreams lately have been haunting. I keep dreaming as if this past year never happened and she is still in my life. When I see her I am so happy... but that is just momentarily in a dream, but when I realize I am dreaming... I remember all the things that have led up to the present and I find myself in a place between acceptance and anger. The dreams have helped though. It helped me admit that yes she was one of the best things that ever happened to me. It also has helped me to understand that there has been decisions made that broke all of that and that there is no turning back.
And in the mean time... I wait... I wait until I can move on to the next thing.
I've learned that the next thing can't be a car...
I've learned that the next thing can't be another relationship...
What I've learned is the next thing is in fact... Taking care of myself.
Living a life I can be proud of.
Just simply living a life.
My life.
Under my terms.
My mistakes are my own.
My actions are my own.
Waiting for:
results
something to happen
losing something
gaining something
feeling of being alone to end.
Patience is something I really have to work hard at and I just fail miserably.
I started watching a show again that I thought I couldn't because of its association. I'm glad that I can, I feel just that little more normal. My dreams lately have been haunting. I keep dreaming as if this past year never happened and she is still in my life. When I see her I am so happy... but that is just momentarily in a dream, but when I realize I am dreaming... I remember all the things that have led up to the present and I find myself in a place between acceptance and anger. The dreams have helped though. It helped me admit that yes she was one of the best things that ever happened to me. It also has helped me to understand that there has been decisions made that broke all of that and that there is no turning back.
And in the mean time... I wait... I wait until I can move on to the next thing.
I've learned that the next thing can't be a car...
I've learned that the next thing can't be another relationship...
What I've learned is the next thing is in fact... Taking care of myself.
Living a life I can be proud of.
Just simply living a life.
My life.
Under my terms.
My mistakes are my own.
My actions are my own.