Hate me today..hate me tomorrow.......
Hate me today, Hate me tomorrow, Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.. Hate me In ways, yeah ways had to swallow, Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.
I need to vent.I hate It here so bad that If I had the guts I'd kill my self. I've never liked It here, and I probably never will. When I was born I was 3 months early, my parents should have let me die Instead of going In debt over me. They told my parents I'd never walk, I'd never talk, I'd never be a normal person, well here I am, not so much normal, but I can talk and walk. I swear to this day that my parents never wanted me. They don't love me like they love my sisters. They don't treat me the same like they do them. I've tried and I've tried to love them but I don't get the same respect back. My sisters has always been the one that has had the mother-to- daughter relationships, had everything I ever wanted. Then when I got older I finally saw It, that They treated me different, but some how they always make It out to be my fault. I am the youngest so yes I know that It's not going to be the same as It was for them.I don't remember what age I was when I told my family that they should just give me up for adoption. And I still to this day don't see why they didn't. I don't remember how old I was when this happend, but My mom and I used to get Into fights really bad when I was younger, she'd hit me, she'd just come In my room and tear It up for the hell of It, and all my dad would do Is say well. My dad knew how disrespectful she was towards me, but yet he still let her do It. About 5 years ago, my dad and mom split up for about a month, I was happy, because I stayed with my dad here, and my sisters and mom moved out. And then my mom came home one day and my dad had been drinking and he went off I don't remember over what, but my sisters called the police and said my dad hit my mom, I was there he never hit her, he simply pushed her.So my dad went to jail that night. And when my dad got out, he couldn't come home, and I'd leave him noted every day In a place where he would find them, because I loved him and he knew I didn't like It here living with my mom, while he was living with family. And after my mom and dad talked they got back together. And my dad told me that he used to watch us walk to the bus stop every morning, and then he'd come home, take a shower and things and leave before we got home. I missed my father so much when that happend. I cried my self to sleep every night. When I turned 16 I couldn't get my learners, I couldn't go out with any of my friends, I couldn't do anything besides sit home. And I am 18 now with no licenses, I've had two jobs, one I quit on my own the other my mom wanted me to quit because she's fucking lazy. I've asked and asked If I could get my licenses, and they told me no because they were to busy. Well they weren't to busy to help my sisters. I'd say I wish I had my licenses and they say It's my fault. How Is It my fault when I couldn't drive anywhere when I asked? Since I've had my learners I've drove once, and my sister let me. Why don't they love me? What did I ever do to deserve not to be loved by my family? I took my sister's clothes today, because she took mine, you know the usual thing sister's go through...but not here. I asked for them back and my mom doesn't do anything but laugh at me. My mom doesn't care they could take every single thing I own, even the clothes on my back and she wouldn't care. If and When I take their's I get bitched at. I get told I am nothing and I am never going to be nothing. And I do believe that I will never be anything because I was told that so much when I was little, that that's all I believe. Everyone has always blamed everything on me. How can someone like me have so much anger towards their own family? Is that possible? I don't hate my parents even though anyone that knows me and knows what I've been through, tells me I should, but I don't. I do hate my sisters, and I don't think I could never love them.Yes I did hit my sister today and I don't feel one bit sorry about It. I am tired of everything and a person can only take so much. You can only be pushed so far, and they pushed me to far. I just can't type anymore..I'll finish another time. It's too hard on me right now.
I need to vent.I hate It here so bad that If I had the guts I'd kill my self. I've never liked It here, and I probably never will. When I was born I was 3 months early, my parents should have let me die Instead of going In debt over me. They told my parents I'd never walk, I'd never talk, I'd never be a normal person, well here I am, not so much normal, but I can talk and walk. I swear to this day that my parents never wanted me. They don't love me like they love my sisters. They don't treat me the same like they do them. I've tried and I've tried to love them but I don't get the same respect back. My sisters has always been the one that has had the mother-to- daughter relationships, had everything I ever wanted. Then when I got older I finally saw It, that They treated me different, but some how they always make It out to be my fault. I am the youngest so yes I know that It's not going to be the same as It was for them.I don't remember what age I was when I told my family that they should just give me up for adoption. And I still to this day don't see why they didn't. I don't remember how old I was when this happend, but My mom and I used to get Into fights really bad when I was younger, she'd hit me, she'd just come In my room and tear It up for the hell of It, and all my dad would do Is say well. My dad knew how disrespectful she was towards me, but yet he still let her do It. About 5 years ago, my dad and mom split up for about a month, I was happy, because I stayed with my dad here, and my sisters and mom moved out. And then my mom came home one day and my dad had been drinking and he went off I don't remember over what, but my sisters called the police and said my dad hit my mom, I was there he never hit her, he simply pushed her.So my dad went to jail that night. And when my dad got out, he couldn't come home, and I'd leave him noted every day In a place where he would find them, because I loved him and he knew I didn't like It here living with my mom, while he was living with family. And after my mom and dad talked they got back together. And my dad told me that he used to watch us walk to the bus stop every morning, and then he'd come home, take a shower and things and leave before we got home. I missed my father so much when that happend. I cried my self to sleep every night. When I turned 16 I couldn't get my learners, I couldn't go out with any of my friends, I couldn't do anything besides sit home. And I am 18 now with no licenses, I've had two jobs, one I quit on my own the other my mom wanted me to quit because she's fucking lazy. I've asked and asked If I could get my licenses, and they told me no because they were to busy. Well they weren't to busy to help my sisters. I'd say I wish I had my licenses and they say It's my fault. How Is It my fault when I couldn't drive anywhere when I asked? Since I've had my learners I've drove once, and my sister let me. Why don't they love me? What did I ever do to deserve not to be loved by my family? I took my sister's clothes today, because she took mine, you know the usual thing sister's go through...but not here. I asked for them back and my mom doesn't do anything but laugh at me. My mom doesn't care they could take every single thing I own, even the clothes on my back and she wouldn't care. If and When I take their's I get bitched at. I get told I am nothing and I am never going to be nothing. And I do believe that I will never be anything because I was told that so much when I was little, that that's all I believe. Everyone has always blamed everything on me. How can someone like me have so much anger towards their own family? Is that possible? I don't hate my parents even though anyone that knows me and knows what I've been through, tells me I should, but I don't. I do hate my sisters, and I don't think I could never love them.Yes I did hit my sister today and I don't feel one bit sorry about It. I am tired of everything and a person can only take so much. You can only be pushed so far, and they pushed me to far. I just can't type anymore..I'll finish another time. It's too hard on me right now.