Not ready to make nice...
Here I am again, posting In my journal. Things are still not better, and they never will be I suppose, until I move out. Which Is coming closer and closer each day. I know I have a place to go, but It wont ever be like home. At the beginning of October we made an agreement, If I took over as Kayleigh's babysitter which pays $75, and clean the house up and do laundry for $25, then things will be okay. Well my sister and mother work at the same place and they were on the same crew and shift as each other, But then my sister bidded on a different job and got It, which Is 2nd shift (3-1130pm) I would have never tooken the offer If I would have known that. I could not go out with friends durning the day, nor night. I couldn't do anything but sit home and watch her. It's not like I went out every day/night, just once In awhile I would go and spend a night at a friends house or something. Because we all know I'm not allowed to do shit, and It really annoys the shit out of me. My mother told me the other day that "When I ever move out It will be a joy to her, and that they will manage and be Kayleigh's babysitter" all I wanted to do was cry. What makes me so bad that they don't love me? Everyone I've ever known besides the few people on yahoo and my real friends, has always talked down on me, told me I am nothing, I was never going to do anything, and I would probably end up with a black guy on welfare. How do you think that makes me feel, that my family has set standards like that towards me? It makes me feel like shit, and makes me feel worth less. My family lovessss to blame everything on me. If something happens, It's always my fault, even If It wasn't. I have to sit In this house everyday, I have to do the house work everyday, and my Mother Is very picky when It comes to cleaning!!!!! I have to do her laundry and my own. I've been doing my own laundry since I was In middle school. I've done for my self since I've ever known how to do anything. My mother thinks my one sister does no wrong. It's very disturbing, because she's made decisions that wasn't the best, but hey she's still mommy's little angel. Anyways,.. this Is enough. I don't feel like typing anymore. Might later, so check back!