what to do, what to do..
yeah. so, i had work tonight. worked with mari and erik. i absolutely love them both to death! mari was the one that got me the job there, and erik, ah what to say about that boy. hes the kind of guy that no matter what, everytime i talk to him i cant help but smile. thats the kind of guy that i want. not one that makes me cry all the time. on another note, i had a big weight lifted off my shoulders today, and it made me realize, yeah, i DO it because of the control. its somthing that no one else can do besides me. i like that. its all mine. that may sound selfish in a way, but i dunno. i guess im just a selfish person then. so im applying to Kutztown. thats like, the last place on earth i want to go to, but thats what im willing to do to get out of here. that or bloom, but i dont have as high hopes with bloom. besides, i know more people that go to KU and mari already told me that im welcome to be in her group of friends, so thats a plus. built in friend circle there. ::sigh:: i dont know what i want to do with my life. what am i saposto to tell them at art skills if i get the job up at camp? camp has always been one of the most important things in my life. the one thing that has been consistant. never let me down. thats where i met some of my best friends. as corney and stalkerish as this is going to sound, thats where i fell in love. oh yeah, and all i can think about lately is how a year ago, i was sitting on a bus ready to go to north carolina with dave on valentines day. together with him all weekend. talking, kidding around, it was great. this is the first time in two years that we wont be going down together. or for that matter at all. :-\. so i guess you could say that hes my weakness. i think that part of the whole... problem... is that i want to be perfect, or near perfect. i look at all of my friends, and their all drop dead gorgeouse people, with all these great things, and maybe if i was a little more like them, then maybe i would have a shot at dave? i mean, i know that hes my friend, and that wont change, but its just something that he did at his party last week, that made me realize how great of a person he is. we still want to open up our bar, but like he said, if we do that, we can never get married, cuz you really shouldnt marry a partner like that. opening that bar has been a dream of mine for so long, but i think that i would give up my dream, to be with him. am i pathetic? please slap the crap out of me! ahhh i wish that i could stop thinking about him. i dont even think about timmy anymore. well, not as much. i was doing so good getting over dave too. but first new years, falling asleep on his lap and spending the night next to him? then going up to see him for his birthday? i took notice, when he came in, i was the only person that he hugged. not all of his other friends, (until shawn physically jumped on him) but me. and the little things he did, how he would wipe away a fly strand of hair that was im my eyes and tuck it behind my ear, or pull a little fuzzy thing off my chin while i was talking to scott on the phone, or even giving me his shirt when i was cold and then telling me to keep it. if i go to ku, ill be so close to him. (if he stays in the area) The exits for KU and s. haven are like, right next to each other. get this, over the summer, he tought me how to play silent football, so i could play with the boys the last night and i wouldnt look like a fool. thats like, wow. girls dont get to play, but i did. and i wasnt to bad! wow. somehow this turned into compleate dave. i really am pathetic. somehow, i was on the subject of school i think, and if im not, i am now. im so screwed for my computer class. im just going to drop it. drop it like its hot. lol. uh yeah.. hahah. im screwed in accounting, business law, and macroeconomics. i have some paper that was due last tuesday on the constitution, and a test to make up from last thursday, and i havent the foggiest idea what the hell its on. (this would be one of those times that i would go eat a lot, but im just trying to remember what my lunch looked like coming back up, and thats keeping me from putting anything in my mouth. lettuce is by far the worst thing to come back up.)arg what the hell am i going to do? i HAVE to go to class tomorrow, or im screwed for scotland. blahhh..