STRESS
Taking a relaxation day. It's been a crazy month or so.
About a 3 or 4 weeks ago my mom came home from shopping and had chest pains, shortness of breath, and felt dizzy. She insisted she was fine, but I told her we really needed to take her to the hospital because it sounded exactly like a heart attack. She was stubborn about it for 20 minutes or so, then finally decided to let me take her to the E.R.. I have never been so scared in my entire life. They ran a bunch of tests, and every thing came back fine, but since it was only about an hour since the symptoms started, they wanted to keep her overnight and run more tests since the damage wont always show up right away. It wasn't until about 3 AM that they finally had a room for her. A lot of it is kind of a blur. I remember asking a lot of questions and probably annoying the hell out of the doctors. Came home and slept for a couple hours then had to try to keep it all together at work. Came home, then my Dad and I went to pick her up. She said she'd tell us the results of everything when we got there. It was so great to see her! And everything was perfect! I couldn't believe it, but I'm so glad. I don't think I've been as happy as when I found out she was okay in a very long time. They said maybe she had a bad panic attack (which is weird -- she's the complete opposite of me and the least anxious person I know).
A few weeks later my boss comes into my office and shuts the door. "You know I think you do an amazing job here, right?" I just replied "Uh oh." Then he pulled the extra chair in my office up next to me and sat down, then told me they had to let me go because the company just isn't making enough money any more. I wasn't surprised, but I was in shock, if that makes any sense. I was just thinking on my way to work that morning that I should talk to them about how secure my job is before I start looking for an apartment. We have been so slow, I should have seen it coming. I don't think I said a word other than "Okay" a couple times. I was shaking really bad, but I didn't cry that much until later on that night. He was crying. It was sad. I'm disappointed they couldn't have given me more notice, as apparently they have known for a while... But yeah, so he told me on a Friday, and wanted me to work through the next week... what an awkward and sad week it was. My last day was the 15th. I miss the other ladies in the office, but there's a few people I'm happy to never have to deal with again. It sucked packing up all my shit.
I've spent the past week spring cleaning. Still not finished, but will be soon. Finally. It's long overdue. My storage space is almost full. Had about 10 years worth of papers (statements, etc...) to go through and that sucked! I'm so glad most everything I deal with has gone paperless now. I think I'm almost getting to the point I don't want to keep things any more. It's really hard for me to let things go, but it's getting out of hand and I can't enjoy the things I have because there's too much of it. I am so sore and exhausted, but I will feel so much better when this is done.
I haven't started looking for a job yet. I'm terrified. I kind of want to get my thoughts together and get completely organized before dealing with any of that. I kind of need a break from real life so I can get my shit together. That may be irresponsible, but I'm kind of a wreck and have been for a while. The way I've been going for the past few years is no way to live. I need a job, of course, but if I don't spend any extra money I will have enough to pay my bills for a few months. I'm going to wait to seriously start looking for at least a couple more weeks.
I'm trying to look at the bright side. Maybe finding a new job will lead to better things. I was kind of stuck in a rut anyway.
About a 3 or 4 weeks ago my mom came home from shopping and had chest pains, shortness of breath, and felt dizzy. She insisted she was fine, but I told her we really needed to take her to the hospital because it sounded exactly like a heart attack. She was stubborn about it for 20 minutes or so, then finally decided to let me take her to the E.R.. I have never been so scared in my entire life. They ran a bunch of tests, and every thing came back fine, but since it was only about an hour since the symptoms started, they wanted to keep her overnight and run more tests since the damage wont always show up right away. It wasn't until about 3 AM that they finally had a room for her. A lot of it is kind of a blur. I remember asking a lot of questions and probably annoying the hell out of the doctors. Came home and slept for a couple hours then had to try to keep it all together at work. Came home, then my Dad and I went to pick her up. She said she'd tell us the results of everything when we got there. It was so great to see her! And everything was perfect! I couldn't believe it, but I'm so glad. I don't think I've been as happy as when I found out she was okay in a very long time. They said maybe she had a bad panic attack (which is weird -- she's the complete opposite of me and the least anxious person I know).
A few weeks later my boss comes into my office and shuts the door. "You know I think you do an amazing job here, right?" I just replied "Uh oh." Then he pulled the extra chair in my office up next to me and sat down, then told me they had to let me go because the company just isn't making enough money any more. I wasn't surprised, but I was in shock, if that makes any sense. I was just thinking on my way to work that morning that I should talk to them about how secure my job is before I start looking for an apartment. We have been so slow, I should have seen it coming. I don't think I said a word other than "Okay" a couple times. I was shaking really bad, but I didn't cry that much until later on that night. He was crying. It was sad. I'm disappointed they couldn't have given me more notice, as apparently they have known for a while... But yeah, so he told me on a Friday, and wanted me to work through the next week... what an awkward and sad week it was. My last day was the 15th. I miss the other ladies in the office, but there's a few people I'm happy to never have to deal with again. It sucked packing up all my shit.
I've spent the past week spring cleaning. Still not finished, but will be soon. Finally. It's long overdue. My storage space is almost full. Had about 10 years worth of papers (statements, etc...) to go through and that sucked! I'm so glad most everything I deal with has gone paperless now. I think I'm almost getting to the point I don't want to keep things any more. It's really hard for me to let things go, but it's getting out of hand and I can't enjoy the things I have because there's too much of it. I am so sore and exhausted, but I will feel so much better when this is done.
I haven't started looking for a job yet. I'm terrified. I kind of want to get my thoughts together and get completely organized before dealing with any of that. I kind of need a break from real life so I can get my shit together. That may be irresponsible, but I'm kind of a wreck and have been for a while. The way I've been going for the past few years is no way to live. I need a job, of course, but if I don't spend any extra money I will have enough to pay my bills for a few months. I'm going to wait to seriously start looking for at least a couple more weeks.
I'm trying to look at the bright side. Maybe finding a new job will lead to better things. I was kind of stuck in a rut anyway.