Life & Death
The other day I was taking a walk and I saw a beautiful deer running through an open field. When he saw me, he stopped. He stared at me for at least 5 seconds and then began to charge towards me. I was walking right by the freeway so if he kept on charging he would literally commit suicide. I locked my eyes on him and shook my head "no". Immediately he halted and turned and ran the other way, leeping over a fence. I wonder what he would've done if I hadn't shook my head "no".
Last night I went over to my best friend's father's house. He was ill recently and he wanted to see me before I go to Montana next week. I have known him and his daughter since 6th grade. He thought it was funny that I will be working with lawyers. He always told me I should become a lawyer. Right before leaving he told me to look away while he went and got something. He came back with a beautiful walking stick that he had hand carved and stained. He told me that he was proud of me and that it was my graduation gift. When I was in Middle School I told him that he should give me the walking stick. It has beautiful carvings of quotes, scriptures, animals, and designs. He told me then that I could have it when he died. Recently, he was in the hospital and thought he would die so he decided to give me the walking stick early for my adventures in Montana. It is the most beautiful and thoughtful gift that I have recieved from anyone.
Last night I decided that I will live with the 3 Christian girls in Montana. It had been difficult to make a decision, but I really don't want to live with a male again. I made a promise to myself that I would not live with a male again unless I was married to him. I feel bad because the girl really wanted me to live with them. I guess her luck of finding roommates has not been the best. I feel like I could get along with her and probably even the guy. I just began to think of my mission statement. What do I want to accomplish and whom do I want to become? I could live with her and the guy and go to bars and live the life that I am so much sick of, because it is an empty life. Or, I could decide to live my life in a simple manner relying on faith for my actual destiny. I chose faith last night. On the walking stick there is a beautiful carved dove with the word "faith" on the very top. It looks as if heaven is shining down on the dove and a miracle is about ready to happen.
Today, I walked into the living room to find my mother. She told me that she had something for me to read. I noticed that it was the monthly letter from Alternaterm. I volunteered with them for 2 years in High School. She said it was "bad news." I read, as the letter was not written by Mary Cunningham, the director, instead it was written by Martha the assistant director. The letter gave the news that Mary passed away Dec. 22nd. Tears overcame me as I read and Martha quoted Jeremiah 29:11. That has been a verse that has gotten me through the past couple of months so it is ironic that she quoted it. Mary wrote me a reccomendation letter for me to get into the social work program at CSU. She always had such a positive attitude and she was an amazing actress. I saw her perform in a dozen local plays. She was probably around my father's age when he died. That is what my mother said anyway. The letter said she died of natural causes but didn't go into detail. She was a beautiful woman, and she never did get married. She decided that devoting herself to ministry is what God had planned. I hope I can live a noble life like she did. I looked up to her as a little girl and I suppose I still do.
I think that my hives and worts could be caused from stress and worrying. Someone told me recently that I look like the most peaceful person on the planet. Perhaps I am able to hide my worry. I look calm on the outside but on the inside there is a great storm that rages inside of me. Most never see signs of the storm. I know Tony and Ajoy did when I couldn't stop crying for two days. The storm got too violent, that it escaped my exterior. I want to find inner peace. I think that is the key to healthy living. Perhaps I will find it in Montana.
Last night I went over to my best friend's father's house. He was ill recently and he wanted to see me before I go to Montana next week. I have known him and his daughter since 6th grade. He thought it was funny that I will be working with lawyers. He always told me I should become a lawyer. Right before leaving he told me to look away while he went and got something. He came back with a beautiful walking stick that he had hand carved and stained. He told me that he was proud of me and that it was my graduation gift. When I was in Middle School I told him that he should give me the walking stick. It has beautiful carvings of quotes, scriptures, animals, and designs. He told me then that I could have it when he died. Recently, he was in the hospital and thought he would die so he decided to give me the walking stick early for my adventures in Montana. It is the most beautiful and thoughtful gift that I have recieved from anyone.
Last night I decided that I will live with the 3 Christian girls in Montana. It had been difficult to make a decision, but I really don't want to live with a male again. I made a promise to myself that I would not live with a male again unless I was married to him. I feel bad because the girl really wanted me to live with them. I guess her luck of finding roommates has not been the best. I feel like I could get along with her and probably even the guy. I just began to think of my mission statement. What do I want to accomplish and whom do I want to become? I could live with her and the guy and go to bars and live the life that I am so much sick of, because it is an empty life. Or, I could decide to live my life in a simple manner relying on faith for my actual destiny. I chose faith last night. On the walking stick there is a beautiful carved dove with the word "faith" on the very top. It looks as if heaven is shining down on the dove and a miracle is about ready to happen.
Today, I walked into the living room to find my mother. She told me that she had something for me to read. I noticed that it was the monthly letter from Alternaterm. I volunteered with them for 2 years in High School. She said it was "bad news." I read, as the letter was not written by Mary Cunningham, the director, instead it was written by Martha the assistant director. The letter gave the news that Mary passed away Dec. 22nd. Tears overcame me as I read and Martha quoted Jeremiah 29:11. That has been a verse that has gotten me through the past couple of months so it is ironic that she quoted it. Mary wrote me a reccomendation letter for me to get into the social work program at CSU. She always had such a positive attitude and she was an amazing actress. I saw her perform in a dozen local plays. She was probably around my father's age when he died. That is what my mother said anyway. The letter said she died of natural causes but didn't go into detail. She was a beautiful woman, and she never did get married. She decided that devoting herself to ministry is what God had planned. I hope I can live a noble life like she did. I looked up to her as a little girl and I suppose I still do.
I think that my hives and worts could be caused from stress and worrying. Someone told me recently that I look like the most peaceful person on the planet. Perhaps I am able to hide my worry. I look calm on the outside but on the inside there is a great storm that rages inside of me. Most never see signs of the storm. I know Tony and Ajoy did when I couldn't stop crying for two days. The storm got too violent, that it escaped my exterior. I want to find inner peace. I think that is the key to healthy living. Perhaps I will find it in Montana.