"The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" -Dr. Stephen Covey (con't)
Notes on habit's 5-7:
Habit 5: Seek first to Understand/Then to be understood
Good communication. Let me listen to you first. Collective monologue: no one listens, they only think about what they want to say. The whole is the sum of the parts. "Help me understand..." Agree to communicate until you feel the other person feels understood. Do not compromise, create, that is part of being independent. Trust is important. Once a person feels understood they relax. Use empathy to understand how they feel about it. The listener uses the most energy, using their integrity to their value system.
Empathy: emotional and intellectual understanding of the other person. See how they see it. You are not agreeing or disagreeing. You listen for feeling and meaning and behavior. You use your intution in listening. It takes emotional strength to deeply listen to someone. Unless you have a strong core in your own values, true listening could make you vulnerable. "I sense you are feeling..." Security comes from your integrity to your value system. We don't see the world as it is. We see it as we are. Restate them with respect so they feel validated.
Balance between self respect and respect for others. Must work on character before working on techniques.
Habit 6: Synergize
It is not a compromise it is a win/win. If the emotional bank account is high, then all you need is to help and get out of the way. Emotional bank account equals trust. Two people interact back and forth and come up with new solutions. Valuing differences by bringing differences together for mutual respect. Manage: left brain (details) Lead: right brain (feelings) The strength in relationships is differences. Differences are weaknesses when it becomes a competition verses complimentariness.
Beneath dwells the real me.
Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw
phsyical, mental, spiritual, social & emotional
The maintenance habit. To excercise all 4 dimensions. Physical exercise (30 min every other day): muscle toning, streching, aerobics: key to energy. Spiritual exercise (congruent to own philosophy) prayer, reading, meditation..etc.. Mental exercise: mental toughness to stay with it. Stay with mission statement. Social & Emotional: win/win, seek first to understand, synergize to creatively problem-solve.
The key is balance between all dimensions. Attention must be given to all daily.
Never get too busy to sharpen the saw.
Paradigms: how we see the world.
Put roles and goals into a weekly planner and rely on self-discipline to complete them. Personal awareness must develop before leading others. Proactive: we are in charge of our own destiny. Understand people before influencing the culture. What must we do to renew ourselves? Re-think. Move away from "that is the way I have always done it." Be open to new ideas and opportunities. Help others learn accountablity. Teach principles and let others come up with their own practices. Principles will stay no matter the circumstance. Be patient.
Work within our circle of influence. Inner circle: direct influence and control. (pro-active, value driven, positive energy makes the circle larger) Be a model not a critic. Outer circle: concern. (negative energy) If you ever think the problem is with someone else or circumstance, that type of thinking is the problem. It will cause you to think about your mission. Describe the other persons point of view better then they ever could, then describe your own point of view. Correct principles do not move, they are lighthouses. If we follow them, they will empower us. What is common sense is not common practice. Teach others the principles, in that we can be lighthouses to other people.
Habit 5: Seek first to Understand/Then to be understood
Good communication. Let me listen to you first. Collective monologue: no one listens, they only think about what they want to say. The whole is the sum of the parts. "Help me understand..." Agree to communicate until you feel the other person feels understood. Do not compromise, create, that is part of being independent. Trust is important. Once a person feels understood they relax. Use empathy to understand how they feel about it. The listener uses the most energy, using their integrity to their value system.
Empathy: emotional and intellectual understanding of the other person. See how they see it. You are not agreeing or disagreeing. You listen for feeling and meaning and behavior. You use your intution in listening. It takes emotional strength to deeply listen to someone. Unless you have a strong core in your own values, true listening could make you vulnerable. "I sense you are feeling..." Security comes from your integrity to your value system. We don't see the world as it is. We see it as we are. Restate them with respect so they feel validated.
Balance between self respect and respect for others. Must work on character before working on techniques.
Habit 6: Synergize
It is not a compromise it is a win/win. If the emotional bank account is high, then all you need is to help and get out of the way. Emotional bank account equals trust. Two people interact back and forth and come up with new solutions. Valuing differences by bringing differences together for mutual respect. Manage: left brain (details) Lead: right brain (feelings) The strength in relationships is differences. Differences are weaknesses when it becomes a competition verses complimentariness.
Beneath dwells the real me.
Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw
phsyical, mental, spiritual, social & emotional
The maintenance habit. To excercise all 4 dimensions. Physical exercise (30 min every other day): muscle toning, streching, aerobics: key to energy. Spiritual exercise (congruent to own philosophy) prayer, reading, meditation..etc.. Mental exercise: mental toughness to stay with it. Stay with mission statement. Social & Emotional: win/win, seek first to understand, synergize to creatively problem-solve.
The key is balance between all dimensions. Attention must be given to all daily.
Never get too busy to sharpen the saw.
Paradigms: how we see the world.
Put roles and goals into a weekly planner and rely on self-discipline to complete them. Personal awareness must develop before leading others. Proactive: we are in charge of our own destiny. Understand people before influencing the culture. What must we do to renew ourselves? Re-think. Move away from "that is the way I have always done it." Be open to new ideas and opportunities. Help others learn accountablity. Teach principles and let others come up with their own practices. Principles will stay no matter the circumstance. Be patient.
Work within our circle of influence. Inner circle: direct influence and control. (pro-active, value driven, positive energy makes the circle larger) Be a model not a critic. Outer circle: concern. (negative energy) If you ever think the problem is with someone else or circumstance, that type of thinking is the problem. It will cause you to think about your mission. Describe the other persons point of view better then they ever could, then describe your own point of view. Correct principles do not move, they are lighthouses. If we follow them, they will empower us. What is common sense is not common practice. Teach others the principles, in that we can be lighthouses to other people.