Curiosity Killed the Kat
I have been working on a file that isn't mine for over a month; it has nothing to do with Bossman or even this office, but as the incoming call queue for this branch I am the one that responds to those requests. Normally, it is a matter of passing off the call to the correct adjuster or advising of something minor but this one file has dragged on with an intensity I can't even describe.
I have called the adjuster, emailed all parties, followed up with the Vendor and it's never ending and "just when I think it's over" I get a call from the Vendor stating once more they are being ignored, payment still hasn't been received. I have even involved the actual client now - at this point the file should be mine as I am the only one ACTUALLY working on it - and I am tired of it. I like the Vendor, don't get me wrong, but I don't want to hear from them anymore. It's stretching my patience and the worst part is that this isn't my branch or for my boss. I have clocked more time on this file than any file, ever, given how much I've done and I am not an adjuster.
That's what I get for caring about our clients, vendors and claimants.
I am tired. My at home work outs led me to muscle pain last night. I'll keep going but back off a bit as the goal isn't to destroy myself or push so hard I lose faith, but I can definitely take a slower approach.
I miss Sunshine. There's no sugar coating the pain. I had big, thick as hell tears the last time and now my chest hurts and my anxiety flew through the absolute building ceiling this morning affecting my breathing, because it hurts so bad. I just miss him. Wholly. Completely.
And he doesn't miss me.
I am pushing hard for focus and using the truck as my "center" and i will continue on with that. I have the make and model, year and color all laid it for me and it's what I truly, truly, want. If I stay focused I'll have it. It eases a tad bit of the hurt when I am focused and this, I will struggle to hold on to. A few more months...it'll be okay in a few more months... I'll have her and hold her and love her and even christen her myself, regardless of being alone to do it.
I WILL go camping next year in my truck. I WILL get the supervisor role. I WILL help my Ma move into the house she wants. I WILL get to Italy. AND....I WILL one day run into Sunshine...and he will be ready for ALL of us, in an equal, solid, strong partnership together in a house we lease.
Maybe the last is just a pipe dream....