Come Hell Or High Water...
Earlier, the Daytona 500 was red flagged due to track conditions being "less than desired" (when you haven't paved a track since 1979, it's going to have some faults...).
I took the opportunity to sit outside with Jim, to talk.
We mumbled on about the weather, and how cold it was, and Jim lit a cigarette. "I thought your doctor said no smoking." I said, and he looked around and asked, "Is my doctor here?" I elbowed him in the ribs, jokingly, and he winced. It made me ask if he's ready for his next chemo session. He just shrugged and replied, "I won't be ready until I walk in there. No big deal." I tried to talk more about it, but he kept dodging questions and asked how Robby was. We talked for a while about how I'd screwed up, and I asked rhetorically, "I wonder if he'll ever trust me again." "He won't." Jim said, and I frowned at him. Then I talked about how much I cared about him, and I asked, "You think he likes me the way I like him?" "Nope." Jim said, and I sighed and decided to talk about something else.
We talked about how he'd switched cigarette brands, and I mentioned that I'd need help starting my garden in the spring. He just nodded and said, "Dwayne would be good to help you with that." I nodded, and it got quiet. Then Jim put out his cigarette, yawned, and said, "You've changed." "How so?" I asked, but he didn't answer right away. He lit another cigarette, took a drag, and finally said, "I'm not sure. You're just different." He reached out and traced the rings under my eyes. "You been sleeping?" He asked, and I pushed his hand away and told him no. "You look like shit." He said, and then he laughed. I didn't. "You're such an ass." I said, and he laughed harder. I just put my face in my hands, sighed, and said, "I feel how I look." He put his arm around my shoulders, and I pushed him away and told him that he needed to quit smoking or his doctor would kill him. "Not if the cancer does first." he said jokingly, but neither one of us laughed.
"You're not going to die." I told him, and I took his hand and said, "We're going to fight this."
I have never said something that serious in my entire life.
He just shrugged and looked away from me. I put my hand on his face and made him look back. "Tell me we're going to beat this. You're not going to give up." I said, and I made him promise he wouldn't give up. I told him I'd always be there for him, and he told me that was a lie. I got mad and told him, "Come hell or high water, Jim, I'll always be there. You can't get rid of me." He just laughed and said, "I wouldn't want to get rid of you."
Thank you, Jim.
I really needed to hear someone say that.
I took the opportunity to sit outside with Jim, to talk.
We mumbled on about the weather, and how cold it was, and Jim lit a cigarette. "I thought your doctor said no smoking." I said, and he looked around and asked, "Is my doctor here?" I elbowed him in the ribs, jokingly, and he winced. It made me ask if he's ready for his next chemo session. He just shrugged and replied, "I won't be ready until I walk in there. No big deal." I tried to talk more about it, but he kept dodging questions and asked how Robby was. We talked for a while about how I'd screwed up, and I asked rhetorically, "I wonder if he'll ever trust me again." "He won't." Jim said, and I frowned at him. Then I talked about how much I cared about him, and I asked, "You think he likes me the way I like him?" "Nope." Jim said, and I sighed and decided to talk about something else.
We talked about how he'd switched cigarette brands, and I mentioned that I'd need help starting my garden in the spring. He just nodded and said, "Dwayne would be good to help you with that." I nodded, and it got quiet. Then Jim put out his cigarette, yawned, and said, "You've changed." "How so?" I asked, but he didn't answer right away. He lit another cigarette, took a drag, and finally said, "I'm not sure. You're just different." He reached out and traced the rings under my eyes. "You been sleeping?" He asked, and I pushed his hand away and told him no. "You look like shit." He said, and then he laughed. I didn't. "You're such an ass." I said, and he laughed harder. I just put my face in my hands, sighed, and said, "I feel how I look." He put his arm around my shoulders, and I pushed him away and told him that he needed to quit smoking or his doctor would kill him. "Not if the cancer does first." he said jokingly, but neither one of us laughed.
"You're not going to die." I told him, and I took his hand and said, "We're going to fight this."
I have never said something that serious in my entire life.
He just shrugged and looked away from me. I put my hand on his face and made him look back. "Tell me we're going to beat this. You're not going to give up." I said, and I made him promise he wouldn't give up. I told him I'd always be there for him, and he told me that was a lie. I got mad and told him, "Come hell or high water, Jim, I'll always be there. You can't get rid of me." He just laughed and said, "I wouldn't want to get rid of you."
Thank you, Jim.
I really needed to hear someone say that.