(no subject)
xgigglecorexxx (8:22:51 AM): casey, did we break up last night or is that just me overreacting?
k1llsh0rty (8:23:09 AM): thats you over reacting hun
k1llsh0rty (8:23:27 AM): i certainly didn't break up with you
xgigglecorexxx (8:23:42 AM): what's that supposed to mean?
k1llsh0rty (8:24:35 AM): just what it says hun, i didn't break up with you. i'm sorry if it sounded like i did and/or wanted to
xgigglecorexxx (8:27:17 AM): did you read my email?
k1llsh0rty (8:27:23 AM): yes
k1llsh0rty (8:29:26 AM): do you want to be with me?
xgigglecorexxx (8:29:37 AM): why do you keep asking me that?
xgigglecorexxx (8:29:51 AM): do you want me to break up with you so that you don't have to be the bad guy?
k1llsh0rty (8:30:15 AM): becuase everything i've read so far indicates that you feel its already over
k1llsh0rty (8:30:33 AM): no Nicole!!! i dont want to break up!!
xgigglecorexxx (8:31:21 AM): casey, you do a complete 180 from 3 weeks ago when you were all about us and us being together and your new decision completely cuts me out of your life
xgigglecorexxx (8:31:29 AM): how did you think i was gonna feel?
k1llsh0rty (8:32:37 AM): i know hun..... i dont want to hurt you.... its jus been eating at me, its my dream.... i'm sorry Nicole, i never wanted to hurt you
xgigglecorexxx (8:34:00 AM): oh it's bullshit. If you care about me like you say then you would have opened it up for discussion with me instead of just telling me and now i have to deal with it.
xgigglecorexxx (8:34:37 AM): I just get to sit here and deal with it. I have no say in anything. What kind of a relationship is this where I can't have any sort of say in ouor fucking future?
k1llsh0rty (8:36:05 AM): i knew what you would say... i didn't know what else to do. i knew that no matter what i said you would be pissed at me. i didn't know how else to approach this
xgigglecorexxx (8:36:31 AM): I just feel like you don't really give a shit about me.
k1llsh0rty (8:36:52 AM): yes i do Nicole!!!
xgigglecorexxx (8:37:01 AM): then it wouldn't be this way
xgigglecorexxx (8:37:23 AM): you'd be offering me to come with you, you'd be taking me up on my idea from the other night, there'd be some discussion
xgigglecorexxx (8:37:42 AM): instead i get nothing, no consideration whatsoever
xgigglecorexxx (8:38:17 AM): i just feel like you were one way not too long ago and you must have talked to someone about this and that someone convinced you that this was what you need to do, no questions asked.
k1llsh0rty (8:38:31 AM): because i already know the answer to coming with me. you already told me that you couldn't do it, so what am i supposed to do Nicole?
Auto response from xgigglecorexxx (8:38:31 AM): someone shoot me and make this pain go away. A neuclear bomb just destroyed my world and there is nothing I can do about it.
xgigglecorexxx (8:39:26 AM): but what changed your mind?!?!?!
xgigglecorexxx (8:39:32 AM): how did this happen
xgigglecorexxx (8:40:02 AM): tuesday night you were talking about calling the jobs in the paper and then i talk to you 24 hours later and you are completely different
k1llsh0rty (8:41:29 AM): i jus had some time to think.... its been eating at me that i should go and i'm not gonna be following my dream.
xgigglecorexxx (8:43:32 AM): are you gonna come over tonight?
k1llsh0rty (8:43:45 AM): yeah
xgigglecorexxx (8:43:57 AM): you don't have to.
k1llsh0rty (8:44:34 AM): yeah and if i dont we're over, no thanks
k1llsh0rty (8:45:44 AM): i thought your working till close tonight?
xgigglecorexxx (8:46:13 AM): i got 4 hours of sleep
xgigglecorexxx (8:46:33 AM): bill can close by himself
k1llsh0rty (8:46:53 AM): and btw i'm not trying to punish you
xgigglecorexxx (8:47:38 AM): put yourself in my shoes casey, how would you feel?
k1llsh0rty (8:47:56 AM): like shit
xgigglecorexxx (8:48:32 AM): well i am glad that we are on the same page
k1llsh0rty (8:49:45 AM): i'm sorry
xgigglecorexxx (8:49:54 AM): stop saying that
k1llsh0rty (8:51:27 AM): i dont know what else to say
k1llsh0rty (8:51:45 AM): i feel like no matter what i'm still the biggest asshole in the world
xgigglecorexxx (8:53:05 AM): all i can think to say is just keep putting yourself in my shoes
xgigglecorexxx (8:53:15 AM): whatever you would think, i'm probably thinking it
k1llsh0rty (8:53:51 AM): i know! why do you think i was so reluctant to tell you?!
xgigglecorexxx (8:54:59 AM): i dunno this just seems to be coming too easy to you
xgigglecorexxx (8:55:43 AM): i guess that's why i feel that you don't care at all or that you don't want to be with me anymore and this might just be an out for you because you are so carefree when you say it to me
xgigglecorexxx (8:56:20 AM): there's no feeling behind it. It's empty.
k1llsh0rty (8:56:38 AM): brb babe
k1llsh0rty (9:01:19 AM): hey i gotta take mom to her appointment, i'll be back in a little bit
k1llsh0rty (9:01:25 AM): i love you hun
k1llsh0rty (9:01:27 AM): ttyl
xgigglecorexxx (9:01:32 AM): ok
and in the end there you can see the lack of care. That is where anyone that does care would have said "I care so much." or made an effort. He just walked away. That was yesterday morning. 12 hours later, he can't "love me how I want to be loved" anymore. At least he gets the pleasure of saying that he broke up with me. I am so lost. I know that there is something bigger than this. Again, I am sure that I was just the rebound girl all along. I feel like my life is over. I haven't bothered to love someone in so long because I was scared of this. I hate myself. He told me to keep his ring because he will come back to me. How long am I supposed to wait? He doesn't really mean it. He's never coming back. I get to sit here and cry so hard because there is no explanation for what just happened. One minute as you can see above he wants to be with me and make things work and the next minute he doesn't want me anymore. I hurt so much and it is my own fucking fault. I let myself love him. I let myself believe that even with my complete selflessness for him and everything that I did for him would make me a happy happy girl with someone who trully loves me. I was so fucking wrong. I even shared certain interests that would make most girls go running for the hills. I wanted to indulge in those things with him. Because I really love him. I'm an idiot. I am so stupid. I feel like I deserve every ounce of this because I did something wrong. I hurt so much and all I want to do is die. Someone fucking kill me cuz I just can't handle this anymore.
k1llsh0rty (8:23:09 AM): thats you over reacting hun
k1llsh0rty (8:23:27 AM): i certainly didn't break up with you
xgigglecorexxx (8:23:42 AM): what's that supposed to mean?
k1llsh0rty (8:24:35 AM): just what it says hun, i didn't break up with you. i'm sorry if it sounded like i did and/or wanted to
xgigglecorexxx (8:27:17 AM): did you read my email?
k1llsh0rty (8:27:23 AM): yes
k1llsh0rty (8:29:26 AM): do you want to be with me?
xgigglecorexxx (8:29:37 AM): why do you keep asking me that?
xgigglecorexxx (8:29:51 AM): do you want me to break up with you so that you don't have to be the bad guy?
k1llsh0rty (8:30:15 AM): becuase everything i've read so far indicates that you feel its already over
k1llsh0rty (8:30:33 AM): no Nicole!!! i dont want to break up!!
xgigglecorexxx (8:31:21 AM): casey, you do a complete 180 from 3 weeks ago when you were all about us and us being together and your new decision completely cuts me out of your life
xgigglecorexxx (8:31:29 AM): how did you think i was gonna feel?
k1llsh0rty (8:32:37 AM): i know hun..... i dont want to hurt you.... its jus been eating at me, its my dream.... i'm sorry Nicole, i never wanted to hurt you
xgigglecorexxx (8:34:00 AM): oh it's bullshit. If you care about me like you say then you would have opened it up for discussion with me instead of just telling me and now i have to deal with it.
xgigglecorexxx (8:34:37 AM): I just get to sit here and deal with it. I have no say in anything. What kind of a relationship is this where I can't have any sort of say in ouor fucking future?
k1llsh0rty (8:36:05 AM): i knew what you would say... i didn't know what else to do. i knew that no matter what i said you would be pissed at me. i didn't know how else to approach this
xgigglecorexxx (8:36:31 AM): I just feel like you don't really give a shit about me.
k1llsh0rty (8:36:52 AM): yes i do Nicole!!!
xgigglecorexxx (8:37:01 AM): then it wouldn't be this way
xgigglecorexxx (8:37:23 AM): you'd be offering me to come with you, you'd be taking me up on my idea from the other night, there'd be some discussion
xgigglecorexxx (8:37:42 AM): instead i get nothing, no consideration whatsoever
xgigglecorexxx (8:38:17 AM): i just feel like you were one way not too long ago and you must have talked to someone about this and that someone convinced you that this was what you need to do, no questions asked.
k1llsh0rty (8:38:31 AM): because i already know the answer to coming with me. you already told me that you couldn't do it, so what am i supposed to do Nicole?
Auto response from xgigglecorexxx (8:38:31 AM): someone shoot me and make this pain go away. A neuclear bomb just destroyed my world and there is nothing I can do about it.
xgigglecorexxx (8:39:26 AM): but what changed your mind?!?!?!
xgigglecorexxx (8:39:32 AM): how did this happen
xgigglecorexxx (8:40:02 AM): tuesday night you were talking about calling the jobs in the paper and then i talk to you 24 hours later and you are completely different
k1llsh0rty (8:41:29 AM): i jus had some time to think.... its been eating at me that i should go and i'm not gonna be following my dream.
xgigglecorexxx (8:43:32 AM): are you gonna come over tonight?
k1llsh0rty (8:43:45 AM): yeah
xgigglecorexxx (8:43:57 AM): you don't have to.
k1llsh0rty (8:44:34 AM): yeah and if i dont we're over, no thanks
k1llsh0rty (8:45:44 AM): i thought your working till close tonight?
xgigglecorexxx (8:46:13 AM): i got 4 hours of sleep
xgigglecorexxx (8:46:33 AM): bill can close by himself
k1llsh0rty (8:46:53 AM): and btw i'm not trying to punish you
xgigglecorexxx (8:47:38 AM): put yourself in my shoes casey, how would you feel?
k1llsh0rty (8:47:56 AM): like shit
xgigglecorexxx (8:48:32 AM): well i am glad that we are on the same page
k1llsh0rty (8:49:45 AM): i'm sorry
xgigglecorexxx (8:49:54 AM): stop saying that
k1llsh0rty (8:51:27 AM): i dont know what else to say
k1llsh0rty (8:51:45 AM): i feel like no matter what i'm still the biggest asshole in the world
xgigglecorexxx (8:53:05 AM): all i can think to say is just keep putting yourself in my shoes
xgigglecorexxx (8:53:15 AM): whatever you would think, i'm probably thinking it
k1llsh0rty (8:53:51 AM): i know! why do you think i was so reluctant to tell you?!
xgigglecorexxx (8:54:59 AM): i dunno this just seems to be coming too easy to you
xgigglecorexxx (8:55:43 AM): i guess that's why i feel that you don't care at all or that you don't want to be with me anymore and this might just be an out for you because you are so carefree when you say it to me
xgigglecorexxx (8:56:20 AM): there's no feeling behind it. It's empty.
k1llsh0rty (8:56:38 AM): brb babe
k1llsh0rty (9:01:19 AM): hey i gotta take mom to her appointment, i'll be back in a little bit
k1llsh0rty (9:01:25 AM): i love you hun
k1llsh0rty (9:01:27 AM): ttyl
xgigglecorexxx (9:01:32 AM): ok
and in the end there you can see the lack of care. That is where anyone that does care would have said "I care so much." or made an effort. He just walked away. That was yesterday morning. 12 hours later, he can't "love me how I want to be loved" anymore. At least he gets the pleasure of saying that he broke up with me. I am so lost. I know that there is something bigger than this. Again, I am sure that I was just the rebound girl all along. I feel like my life is over. I haven't bothered to love someone in so long because I was scared of this. I hate myself. He told me to keep his ring because he will come back to me. How long am I supposed to wait? He doesn't really mean it. He's never coming back. I get to sit here and cry so hard because there is no explanation for what just happened. One minute as you can see above he wants to be with me and make things work and the next minute he doesn't want me anymore. I hurt so much and it is my own fucking fault. I let myself love him. I let myself believe that even with my complete selflessness for him and everything that I did for him would make me a happy happy girl with someone who trully loves me. I was so fucking wrong. I even shared certain interests that would make most girls go running for the hills. I wanted to indulge in those things with him. Because I really love him. I'm an idiot. I am so stupid. I feel like I deserve every ounce of this because I did something wrong. I hurt so much and all I want to do is die. Someone fucking kill me cuz I just can't handle this anymore.