(no subject)
Today is March 16th. My official 7 month anniversary with Casey.
What do you do or say when your significant other tells you the complete opposite of what was said just 3 weeks ago and the new plan doesn't have any room for you in it? I'm so very confused and hurt. I feel like I am being completely pushed out. However, these new plans are the exact plans that I want him to pursue. I feel like a major contradiction right now. I guess I kinda figured that we would build our lives together side by side. Now it turns out that dreams really don't come true. It is just my luck to find someone that I have fallen totally head over heels for and I love completely and unconditionally to be swept out from under me and taken away in a days time. I guess in fairy tale land I just envisioned myself following him and just being with him. It doesn't even seem like that is an option. At least the idea wasn't even brought up for discussion. I feel lost and hopeless and in reality, a huge part of me is dying. I feel bitter. He wants to go far away and what am I supposed to do? Sit here and pretend that every thing is fine? Be like some wild story book romance and wait for a year and a half? I don't think so. This is real life. Not a movie. And even if this was a movie, I've just been cast out as the supporting actress. I can't have those feelings anymore. I'm not wanted to have them. I know that he will go far away to school and meet some pretty girl there that has a great personality and knows a lot about cars and I will be replaced. I'm supposed to sit around and wait for that to happen? I'm supposed to pretend that he won't be seeing someone else while he's there? I feel like my heart has just been ripped out and shoved in my face and I feel like it's not even him who's talking to me. I feel like it is the much stronger persuasion in his life telling him that this is what he has to do. I feel like I mean nothing and words are just words. I feel like dying. I really want to. I feel like my life was perfect just 3 hours ago and now, I have nothing. My life will forever be one big fucking pile of shit. I hate it. Here Nicole, have a taste of happiness because soon, very soon, it will all be taken away. I feel like it should all be over now so that I don't sit around and wait for it to hurt me so much more later. This is what I get for finding someone to love. This is what I get for giving my all. I shouldn't be here sobbing my eyes out.
I don't know what I did to deserve this.
What do you do or say when your significant other tells you the complete opposite of what was said just 3 weeks ago and the new plan doesn't have any room for you in it? I'm so very confused and hurt. I feel like I am being completely pushed out. However, these new plans are the exact plans that I want him to pursue. I feel like a major contradiction right now. I guess I kinda figured that we would build our lives together side by side. Now it turns out that dreams really don't come true. It is just my luck to find someone that I have fallen totally head over heels for and I love completely and unconditionally to be swept out from under me and taken away in a days time. I guess in fairy tale land I just envisioned myself following him and just being with him. It doesn't even seem like that is an option. At least the idea wasn't even brought up for discussion. I feel lost and hopeless and in reality, a huge part of me is dying. I feel bitter. He wants to go far away and what am I supposed to do? Sit here and pretend that every thing is fine? Be like some wild story book romance and wait for a year and a half? I don't think so. This is real life. Not a movie. And even if this was a movie, I've just been cast out as the supporting actress. I can't have those feelings anymore. I'm not wanted to have them. I know that he will go far away to school and meet some pretty girl there that has a great personality and knows a lot about cars and I will be replaced. I'm supposed to sit around and wait for that to happen? I'm supposed to pretend that he won't be seeing someone else while he's there? I feel like my heart has just been ripped out and shoved in my face and I feel like it's not even him who's talking to me. I feel like it is the much stronger persuasion in his life telling him that this is what he has to do. I feel like I mean nothing and words are just words. I feel like dying. I really want to. I feel like my life was perfect just 3 hours ago and now, I have nothing. My life will forever be one big fucking pile of shit. I hate it. Here Nicole, have a taste of happiness because soon, very soon, it will all be taken away. I feel like it should all be over now so that I don't sit around and wait for it to hurt me so much more later. This is what I get for finding someone to love. This is what I get for giving my all. I shouldn't be here sobbing my eyes out.
I don't know what I did to deserve this.