"Haley faught....
...for Nathan." Peyton's Podcast # 4
In the end Haley "won" Nathan, and all is well. I faught for him.....and i lost. I couldn't take it anymore, sitting and waiting was going to drive me up a wall. I needed a yes or a no. If it was yes there would be ntohing to worry about. But if he said no...then it would be as if the other never existed. We would disappear. And the thing is i was so sure i was doing the right thing, you know?! it felt so good to give him and ultamatum. And for one small moment o thought he would say yes....and then nothing. Just shock and pain, lots of pain and tears. So i stopped by some friends houses, and tried to calm down, so i my mother wouldn't be on my case when i got home. I got home and had to "erase' him. So i turn on my computer and it takes forever to load, but as soon as it does and i sign into my myspace he was already gone, i was alittle shocked and the tears started to flow again. So I go to my facebook, thinking i would be able to change that.....gone. And then i was hysterical&i stopped breathing....gone. i didn't even get to say "goodbye". I didn't know what it do, and i'm not being overly dramatic, all of that really happend, it was offical, he was...is really gone. But yet as i sit here i feel...nothing. you know like that girl from A Chours Line who didn't feel anything during acting class. I feel nothing. And i wish i could feel something anything. But forcing myself to cry isn't going to help, it's jsut going to give me a headache, trying to have any emotion is not going to happen for a long time (which is an oxymoron i'm in a show). So i sit here listening to the cd i made him, (don't look at me like that it was on my computer, my ipod loaded it on its own) i can only imagine what he is feeling...
In the end Haley "won" Nathan, and all is well. I faught for him.....and i lost. I couldn't take it anymore, sitting and waiting was going to drive me up a wall. I needed a yes or a no. If it was yes there would be ntohing to worry about. But if he said no...then it would be as if the other never existed. We would disappear. And the thing is i was so sure i was doing the right thing, you know?! it felt so good to give him and ultamatum. And for one small moment o thought he would say yes....and then nothing. Just shock and pain, lots of pain and tears. So i stopped by some friends houses, and tried to calm down, so i my mother wouldn't be on my case when i got home. I got home and had to "erase' him. So i turn on my computer and it takes forever to load, but as soon as it does and i sign into my myspace he was already gone, i was alittle shocked and the tears started to flow again. So I go to my facebook, thinking i would be able to change that.....gone. And then i was hysterical&i stopped breathing....gone. i didn't even get to say "goodbye". I didn't know what it do, and i'm not being overly dramatic, all of that really happend, it was offical, he was...is really gone. But yet as i sit here i feel...nothing. you know like that girl from A Chours Line who didn't feel anything during acting class. I feel nothing. And i wish i could feel something anything. But forcing myself to cry isn't going to help, it's jsut going to give me a headache, trying to have any emotion is not going to happen for a long time (which is an oxymoron i'm in a show). So i sit here listening to the cd i made him, (don't look at me like that it was on my computer, my ipod loaded it on its own) i can only imagine what he is feeling...