Everwood and other ideas on Fiction
So this is a bit of a random entry, but since I've dedicated this journal in part to things that move me and/or are important to me, a recent turn of fate has brought this show back onto my doorstep.
Everwood was a... well do I call it a family sitcom? I suppose. I look back on it and see it as a cross between the informative (though agenda-pushy) 7th Heaven (which was on immediately before it on Mondays) and the ridiculously dramatic teen-girl series' like The OC or something.
Watching back through it again, I find a bit of the balance. Yes, it got ridiculously complicated and dramatic sometimes. I mean, yes, how many problems can one set of teenagers have? In the end, however, I still think it was something worth watching. Not overly dramatic like The OC or Dawson's creek which looked like it was nothing but random "I like you but i slept with your sister and im carrying your baby" etc.
On the one hand, I'm reminded of all the bullshit attitudes and immaturities of High school. You step right in to the stupidity of popularity, over-shown and thrown into the foreground, and shown to its overexaggerated extent. as the "new kid" is shunned and ignored by everyone.
Anyway, getting past what I really DON'T care for seeing, I'm reminded of why I related so much to this show.
One of the main characters, Ephram, has that cold, sarcastic attitude that I find hilarious. He's also deeply guarded. I can't figure out why exactly that appealed so much to me... Maybe because I felt I was the same way.
For a long time I had a hard time opening up. I wondered why I couldn't show emotion in front of many people. Even my parents. It was so hard to relate to them...
It's hard enough to type this out. Ephram was closed off... He had his own interests, and kept himself to himself. But he found an outlet, an opening... with the people he liked. I always could do that, and yet... I'd still feel this reserve wash over me. I don't know why. To this day. All i can attribute to it is that I needed space.
Anyway, Ephram was someone who I related to. For a long time. Between his character traits, his attitude... He could be the perfect guy. And sure he made mistakes, but somehow it comforted me to know that more people than just me tended to seal themselves off... get irritated, quiet, sarcastic, etc. Even reminds me of Mal in firefly. Too much, actually.
The series as it stands, as a whole, it affected me a lot. It brought up a lot of serious issues, ranging from STDs, to sex, relationships, family, death, loyalty, drugs, etc. A lot to digest, think about... I guess it's interesting to reflect on.
And as far as the drama goes, even the first season, that I'm rewatching since i did miss most of it, and I'm reminded of how much I laughed and cried over this series. It reminds me of all I went through at the time, and, in some ways, how much I needed this series to escape to. Even if in some ways it caused more stress than anything else in my life. Its one of the things who made me who I am.
The things i read, see, etc these days break my heart daily. When I say that I mean in a good way. Its the purpose of literature, I think. To help us experience emotion, feelings, etc. safely. Getting a taste of sadness, loss, grief.... without the pain of really going through it. I'm going to move onto what I am calling part two of this article.
Influence, Personality, Memoirs.
So why is it suddenly so important to me? I went through a lot back then. Its made me realize, between this and the recent addition to my favorite video game series, that the things I experienced back then were very important to me. They became a part of me, important, influential, etc.
It's why, in some ways, I was pissed with my first girlfriend. She came in blind to the influences and ideas that I could give her, the things who had made me who I am. I felt rejected.
But why? What is it about the things I loved... Metal Gear, The Matrix, Everwood, Time Traveler's Wife... things I read, watched, played, etc. that makes me love them so much? And keeps them precious to me?
To be honest, a lot of times its the characters. Ephram. Snake. Clare. How deep do the characters go? Why are they still going? What do they fight for? What drives them? It provides me with a outlook both on them and myself.
It brought me through my hardest times. Provided me an escape, and a chance to come back with a fresh mind.
And it gave me a release. An outlet for what I felt. A chance that I could not be thinking about what bugged me at the time, and escape to somewhere else. Even if that place could break me down. I still remember seeing the finale of Everwood. I cried throughout the last scene.
Or MGS4, for the finale of the third act. Bawling.
And maybe, in some small way, it was in part because of all that I went through.
And yet, sometimes, I cry over things that I already know will happen, or things that barely make me cry any other day.
Wow, I'm way off topic.
The things we watch that are emotionally tearing we do because we like it. And because it's safe. I cry over a sad movie of course, but will I know that I will? Did I know I'd probably cry seeing the movie of The Time Traveler's Wife, even though i knew what would happen? Yeah. Did I still go to see it? Yeah. Because there's entertainment there. To feel powerful emotions. Whether they really are yours or not.
There's beauty in darkness. But don't spend your life there.
Everwood was a... well do I call it a family sitcom? I suppose. I look back on it and see it as a cross between the informative (though agenda-pushy) 7th Heaven (which was on immediately before it on Mondays) and the ridiculously dramatic teen-girl series' like The OC or something.
Watching back through it again, I find a bit of the balance. Yes, it got ridiculously complicated and dramatic sometimes. I mean, yes, how many problems can one set of teenagers have? In the end, however, I still think it was something worth watching. Not overly dramatic like The OC or Dawson's creek which looked like it was nothing but random "I like you but i slept with your sister and im carrying your baby" etc.
On the one hand, I'm reminded of all the bullshit attitudes and immaturities of High school. You step right in to the stupidity of popularity, over-shown and thrown into the foreground, and shown to its overexaggerated extent. as the "new kid" is shunned and ignored by everyone.
Anyway, getting past what I really DON'T care for seeing, I'm reminded of why I related so much to this show.
One of the main characters, Ephram, has that cold, sarcastic attitude that I find hilarious. He's also deeply guarded. I can't figure out why exactly that appealed so much to me... Maybe because I felt I was the same way.
For a long time I had a hard time opening up. I wondered why I couldn't show emotion in front of many people. Even my parents. It was so hard to relate to them...
It's hard enough to type this out. Ephram was closed off... He had his own interests, and kept himself to himself. But he found an outlet, an opening... with the people he liked. I always could do that, and yet... I'd still feel this reserve wash over me. I don't know why. To this day. All i can attribute to it is that I needed space.
Anyway, Ephram was someone who I related to. For a long time. Between his character traits, his attitude... He could be the perfect guy. And sure he made mistakes, but somehow it comforted me to know that more people than just me tended to seal themselves off... get irritated, quiet, sarcastic, etc. Even reminds me of Mal in firefly. Too much, actually.
The series as it stands, as a whole, it affected me a lot. It brought up a lot of serious issues, ranging from STDs, to sex, relationships, family, death, loyalty, drugs, etc. A lot to digest, think about... I guess it's interesting to reflect on.
And as far as the drama goes, even the first season, that I'm rewatching since i did miss most of it, and I'm reminded of how much I laughed and cried over this series. It reminds me of all I went through at the time, and, in some ways, how much I needed this series to escape to. Even if in some ways it caused more stress than anything else in my life. Its one of the things who made me who I am.
The things i read, see, etc these days break my heart daily. When I say that I mean in a good way. Its the purpose of literature, I think. To help us experience emotion, feelings, etc. safely. Getting a taste of sadness, loss, grief.... without the pain of really going through it. I'm going to move onto what I am calling part two of this article.
Influence, Personality, Memoirs.
So why is it suddenly so important to me? I went through a lot back then. Its made me realize, between this and the recent addition to my favorite video game series, that the things I experienced back then were very important to me. They became a part of me, important, influential, etc.
It's why, in some ways, I was pissed with my first girlfriend. She came in blind to the influences and ideas that I could give her, the things who had made me who I am. I felt rejected.
But why? What is it about the things I loved... Metal Gear, The Matrix, Everwood, Time Traveler's Wife... things I read, watched, played, etc. that makes me love them so much? And keeps them precious to me?
To be honest, a lot of times its the characters. Ephram. Snake. Clare. How deep do the characters go? Why are they still going? What do they fight for? What drives them? It provides me with a outlook both on them and myself.
It brought me through my hardest times. Provided me an escape, and a chance to come back with a fresh mind.
And it gave me a release. An outlet for what I felt. A chance that I could not be thinking about what bugged me at the time, and escape to somewhere else. Even if that place could break me down. I still remember seeing the finale of Everwood. I cried throughout the last scene.
Or MGS4, for the finale of the third act. Bawling.
And maybe, in some small way, it was in part because of all that I went through.
And yet, sometimes, I cry over things that I already know will happen, or things that barely make me cry any other day.
Wow, I'm way off topic.
The things we watch that are emotionally tearing we do because we like it. And because it's safe. I cry over a sad movie of course, but will I know that I will? Did I know I'd probably cry seeing the movie of The Time Traveler's Wife, even though i knew what would happen? Yeah. Did I still go to see it? Yeah. Because there's entertainment there. To feel powerful emotions. Whether they really are yours or not.
There's beauty in darkness. But don't spend your life there.