(no subject)
Hello, to the... let's see... 3 of you, yes that's right, who actually read my livejournal. Eh. Whatever. It's been a long time since I've written, and that's a good thing. I've meant not to, to stop myself from writing like i used to. I realize now so much of what I used to write was useless crap that was basically the outlet of the phases I went through. It was something that the internet, I feel, needs less of, and therefore I decided to stop.
By this I mean the things before I did my "rants" if you will. Those were more my thoughts and musings on things that came up. And though I enjoyed writing them, I've decided especially with my career it's best to keep those worlds separate. In a lot of ways I'm going to tone down what I write, but in others I just want to be able to share my thoughts with any detrimental judgement.
Oh, yes, did I mention I think I'd like to start writing again? That was probably an important idea.
But the reason for the title is that I have new policies, more to hold myself to than for others. Here are the reasons I write:
First, to update those who are interested in what I'm doing, where I am, what I'm up to, what I'm currently working on and anticipating, etc.
Second, if I feel very strongly about something I hope people will allow me an outlet with which to discuss it. This could be reviews or commentaries of books, movies, games or things I read, see, play, etc. Or just my thoughts on life or issues themselves. It's not meant to be preachy or propogandous. It's a place for me to record how I'm feeling on matters, and hopefully stimulate some form of conversation.
Third, because I enjoy doing so. And I do it a hell of a lot better than Stephanie Meyer.
AS I HAVE POSTED ... I really no longer have much need for fb. I use it very rarely catching up with messaging random people or keeping it just as a means of contact. But writing on peoples' walls is useless, and as it is becoming more and more spam-and-hack-friendly, I choose to stop doing applications and stuff, because half the links and things i click on these days are attacks. And I would prefer avoid those things. I use it to keep track of people if I need to (not in a creepy way, just to stay in touch with a few), send videos and links, etc. But other than that, if it's not a message I probably won't see it. It's all based on what comes to my phone.
So in conclusion, even though I've gone nowhere near this, Livejournal is becoming a separate entity from Facebook. I'll leave the link because in some ways I do want people to read what I write here and be interested in it. I don't, however, want people to become overly fixated on my personal views and begin to hate me for what I might say. I mean no offense to anyone but as it stands the world, and my chosen profession specifically, is very political, and I mean no ill will toward anyone. That doesn't mean, however, that they won't judge me poorly based on my thoughts or beliefs, and thats beyond my control.
So if you, the internet-savvy explorer, the random friend who clicked my link to get here or saw this (final) post on my notes section, a follower of my journal (though i doubt it since i haven't updated it in a year), or a family member, are interested in what I have to say or think about, have an open mind, and are willing to listen to what I have to say without turning it against me, I welcome you. Anyone who chooses to attack me, or take what I have and use it against me, I can't stop you, but I would hope that you respect my opinion as that of another person who has as much right to believe what I do as you do to have yours.
So now onto some more interesting topics: Where have I been since I last posted?
Well, first of all I'm still in California, still hitting things daily, and still stumbling around trying to find my way through this tunnel we call life. I feel like a different person now... actually I feel that every time I look in the mirror. More often than not today, in a good way.
Part of the reason I haven't just deleted this livejournal and started a new one is that I want to remember where it is I came from. Those "dark and depressing" days way back when. I still have a few, but I'm doing my best to move on, and make everyday the best it can be. I still struggle, but overall my life is going so much better than it was a couple years ago, and I have more of a handle on what my insecurities and faults are and how to either work toward fixing them or keep them from interfering in my daily life.
Let's start with the basics... I'm working on my motivation issues. I feel so much better the more I'm working and accomplishing things, and in a way it's rewarding enough to keep me going. That being said, after two days of battling with Peace Walker's release and my PSP, it is time to return to that focus and commitment. It won't be right away, because I'm saving the weekends for some relaxation and easier projects, but my 3-hour-per-day practice sessions need to stay. Its a lot, and I'm not quite hitting the mark, but I'm being more productive and getting more done the more I work at it.
So as for my playing... where to begin? How about with a story? So in the first two years of USC, starting its steeper decline semester two I realized that one of the most important aspects of this school (and one of the weakest of my reasons to come here, or rather a strong one not to) has brought me into a very tough situation, from which i wasn't sure that I'd escape.
*Note: I would mention what the aspect is, some would already know, but for specific reasons I am being vague. I hope the picture is clear enough, but its not something I feel comfortable posting on the internet. Ask me about it and I am willing to talk about it in different settings, ie email, chat, phone, etc.*
To make it very general, there was a certain aspect that was supposed to be a lot of things, but was not. Where i should've had guidance, critical analysis, and most importantly a swift kick in the butt, there was not. And in that void fell a few things. I owe my continuing will to the support of my friends (/colleagues), a couple in particular who have really helped me to see the larger picture and give me goals to work toward. And helped bring me out of the bubble and give me the glimpse or two i needed of the world outside of school to get me working.
Long story short, the aspect of this school that was inadequate is changing, and changing in a very drastic way. I'm in for the hardest year, not only academically, but also because of the environment change, direction change, and amount of work I will need to do to keep up. I won't be surprised if this journal only lasts for the summer, but I feel I will still find time to write. I need more relaxing things in my life, and books are short-lasting in my life haha. Even if I do reread them.
Okay, well in saying this next bit, basically i reveal a lot so let's just spell it out as nicely as i can. My teacher has officially turned in his resignation as of last semester, and will no longer be returning to USC to teach. Taking his place will be two big names, Jim Babor of the Los Angeles Philharmonic Percussion Section, and Joe Periera, the recently acquired Timpanist. I've already been working with Jim, and the experience has been nothing but beneficial, and I'm working now to get my technique under control and build up the foundation as quickly as I can (but also cautiously enough not to make mistakes).
I'm excited, but also very nervous to be embarking on such a difficult journey, especially as it's one that several people I considered good colleagues (and friends) may not go through it with me. Not for any terrible reason, other than decisions not to. The situation definitely clears a lot of grief off my mind, and gives me a large opportunity to re-examine my situation and see the road ahead of me.
Current Projects:
I currently perform regularly with a Korean Church in Los Angeles, for a small pay which is helpful to my instrument-acquiring career. Other than that, I at the moment am preparing for auditions, so there's really nothing to anticipate as far as seeing me play any large concerts. I consider myself freelance and for hire. My biggest concern right now is developing a strong technique and working towards orchestral performance.
In addition, however, I have taken on a bit of a project of my own decision... My good friend and colleague Gordon Robbe and I will be performing a joint-marimba recital in August, back home in WA state, probably in the Woodinville area. If you are interested, please visit our Facebook Events page at this address: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/event.php?eid=113162592061655&ref=ts
I'm excitied, and scared haha, as the rep is a little ambitious... However, it's one way of pushing myself hopefully to the next level and working to perform at a higher level. In addition, it will be a serious challenge putting duets together at long distance and pulling them together in under a couple weeks.
I am hopeful that the details will smooth out and that the concert will go well. I also hope to record vid/audio and mix a DVD that I can send to family farther out. I have a couple things on Youtube from long ago, but nothing recent. As it's solo rep, and something probably appealing to the more general population, I'm hoping friends, family, etc will enjoy what it is we're putting together.
My Work
So at the moment I have like 3 jobs (not counting the church) that don't involve playing, but that I can respect (thats a topic for another day) doing quite a bit. During the year I have been involved with Setup crew as well as being sort of "Orchestra manager" for the USC community orchestra. It's more of managing personnel, but it's an interesting job.
Over the summer, I'm working in the production office on two areas. One is a project where I come up with a list of venues students can perform off-campus (if they don't receive a recital slot through the lottery system here). It's cool, and an interesting test of my planning and organizational skills. Also helping my ability to break out of my shell for phone conversations haha.
In addition i do odd jobs for my boss, who is TOTALLY AWESOME. In fact all my bosses are pretty awesome in their own way. I rather like working here, especially not knowing really what it is I might do on any given day.
And plus it's cool to work backstage from time to time, which i do rarely, but occasionally depending on the need.
My Life
Honestly, in some ways the two above things are what I've would copy and paste down here. With practice and earning money for the summer, i'm pretty busy. I find some time for a little on the side though. I'm trying to get more regular exercise and trying to kick my coffee addiction a little bit. I see the friends that are around, and I'm trying to do a road trip to see some people I know down in San Diego, but overall I don't get up to too much.
Let's see... personal things going on.
No girlfriend, and at the moment, I've stopped looking. There are few people I'm interested in, and when I do get interested things tend to not go well. I'm lonely, but it's good for me. I sometimes feel that I rely too much on having people around and I can't be by myself... part of the reason I left Facebook. I'd get on hoping for someone to talk to, and it's a waste. But as for my relationship status, it's good to be uncomplicated for the moment, although not ideal to me. And my insecurities are where my efforts need to focus before I really start something serious again.
As for the past, I feel for once I'm officially leaving it in the past. Should it come up again, I'm not gonna have much patience for it.
Personal adventures? Getting myself organized and stuff is a task in itself that I keep approaching but kinda copping out of. I'm getting closer though, and the more file-boxes I buy sorta starts to push me toward having a bag for everything and knowing more where my shit is at all times.
I'm also fully expectant of myself to get into composition. Theres one arrangement I HAVE to do for my recital, but I would like to write a piano piece, and a couple others, and tomorrow is a relaxing beach day so I'm hoping to get some done there. I'll keep everyone posted... hoping to have at least one piece done by the end of the summer. Maybe two if i can get away with it. I have a brand new version of Sibelius that needs road testing, so once a manuscript is finished... yeah. haha.
Media that has caught my attention worth mentioning:
I read two books recently that have been amazing. Both of which i found cheap at Barnes and Noble, so I need to check their sale booths more often. Especially because I will always consider myself a bit of a bookworm, and an avid reader.
First one is Sundays at Tiffany's by James Patterson (and co-written by someone or other). A great and cute love story, albeit a little short. Comes in as a close second for the Time Traveler's Wife. I think it's written for a little younger of an audience, maybe teens or so to young adults, and it is based in fantasy, but it's worth the read at any age. It looks thick, but the writing is easy to understand, and the pages have large text i guess.
Second one is a gripping novel called Oxygen, by... I have to look it up: Carol Cassella. It's about an Anesthesiologist who loses a low-risk patient, a little girl, on her operating table and is caught up in depositions, accusations, etc. as to her character, her work, and meanwhile has to reexamine her life, choices, and her family and those she loves. It's a great read, despite... well, I won't spoil it. But I was hooked about halfway through.
In addition there's Peace Walker... oh yes. (Note: Skip to where it says ANYWAY in all caps if you don't care) The next addition to my favorite video game series, which has sorta fallen under the radar for me in the past couple years. I still love them, but it's faded into the background. Even this one I didn't really swoon over until it arrived. It delivered... not my favorite, and unfortunately I'm holding a grudge against it and a couple others for retconning more than was necessary. It just feels like in the effort to crunch more titles into an ever expanding universe of detail that's already amassed they have a lot of odds and ends that don't fit. It's like having one of those baby toys where you fit all the shapes in, and then you try to mash in a few fridge magnets that really have no place or business being there. Even though those magnets are totally awesome, they are kinda unnecessary and disrupt the order of things.
I guess kinda like the Star Wars video games, and in some ways the new Prequel Trilogy. Kinda useless, and too much poetic justice.
Okay, I'll raise one specific concern and save the rest. SPOILER: So the gearhead you end up meeting is Otacon's father, who is apparently disabled and cannot walk. He turns out to be yet another used scientist, just like his father and son, and the irony just becomes too much to bear. So Big Boss, father of Solid Snake, has now become friends with the father of Solid Snake's best friend, after he has already become friends with Solid Snake's CO, Colonel Roy Campbell... none of whom will speak at all of him, because the game where the appropriate conversation would've taken place, was made years ago before Kojima decided to twist unnecessary character relations into existence.
It's a little frustrated, and it makes the MGS universe smaller and smaller. One of the things that I was hoping for, and was still sorta delivered upon, was that with this "prequel" status, and with Kojima himself being tired of this series, I was hoping that it would be a separate story on its own, with a basis in stuff from the other games, but going in a different direction. And apart from the character i mentioned, and then retconning basically all of MGS4, overall the story wasn't bad. Could've ended a little better. It felt kinda...... like it shouldn't end there. Though, I don't think I'm over. Supposedly there's a chapter 5. I have yet to be told that it's Chapter 5 I'm playing.
I'll also quickly say that it's rather ironic... MGS4 came out in June and sorta tanked my failing relationship. And now this one comes out and for two days I could barely work... haha what next? Ironically both came out around the same time in June. Ah, the memories... oh well. Moving right along, eh, Fozzie?
(and yes, I am back to working now, btw)
ANYWAY...
There it is. Let's hope after this I cut back quite a bit. I do hope to write a little bit about Peace Walker and see what I can come up with. But that's for a later date.
Anyway, i should get back to work. These venues won't list themselves.... *sigh*. I just wanna go home. It IS Friday after all. Just cuz it's summer doesn't mean I don't still want to escape my day-to-day tasks.
Anyway, to all who decide to follow my various meditations, feel free to bookmark my livejournal, at http://soldimixer.livejournal.com. I don't expect to have more of these appearing on fb.
As they say in the brotherhood, Safety and peace be upon you.
OKAY OKAY, so i like Assassin's Creed. Sue me. See you at the next update.
Solidmixer