(no subject)
Well fokes, its mothers day....and i just spent the last four hours on my last day of freedom (meaning i start work tomorrow) cleaning out the garage because that is what my mom wanted for mothers day. *rolls eyes* Can you believe that??!!? Well, two good things came out of it though 1. I didnt have to waste any money on stupid candles or some bullshit gift she prolly wont like anyway. 2. I got free lunch and now free dinner. LOL Fat girl's gotta eat. *sticks out tounge* Plus, liz actully wasnt in mega bitch mode today, so all in all it went ok. *smiles*
Tomorrow i start work. I hate those words. I really truly do. I know i need to work, i mean hello i have bills and debts ect. So yes, i HAVE to work. But i really really dont want to. hehe I know i know, no one WANTS to work. But still...why cant i be start my real life already? I dont want to work these shit ass 9-5 jobs. I just want to marry the women (or man, i dont discriminate) of my dreams and stay home to raise a family. Is that really freaking asking tooo much? hehe I know i know, i'm only 20. BUt what i wouldnt give to wake up tomorrow at 25/6 and just be happy, in love, and pregant. I'm sure most of you are out there laughing right now, or at least rolling your eyes. Silly Liz and all her romanatic, stayat home mom stuff. But to me its not silly and it is what i want NOW, not tomorrow, not in 10 years, NOW! hehe I'm prolly the person under 21 who wants a family already and i know im prolly not even ready for it emotionally and definitly not $$wise, but god its all i can think of as i enbark on my new job tomorrow. I dont want to work there, mostly because i dont want to work anywhere. And not because im lazy, i just want to be housemom forever. I want to cook and clean and do laundry and take my baby to tap lessons or play dates. *sighs a longing sigh* Ok..ok..im sorry I'll stop.
I've spent my weekend thinking. Not about this new job, because to be honest what i'll be doing doesnt really matter to me, as long as it pays the bills for now. Thinking about woman and relationships and emotions and the two special woman in my life right now. Thinking about the L word and that damn chart, thinking about my juliet's last entry. Thinking about my marriage to a woman who doesnt want me. Thinking about my own feelings, my own wants, and my own dreams. Trying to figure out what i want, what i need, and what id like to have. Thinking deep dark thoughts about death and why somethings just will never work out. Thinking about 05/05/05 and how i didnt get drunk, only sad, and how my dream almost came true with the wrong man. And then where would i be? Married, pregant, and not working...wait isnt that exactly what i just asked for? Now im confused, but then i remember he didnt love me enough, and i didnt love him enough to get on that plane and it wasnt meant to happen. And Everything happens for a reason...yes, just been thinking a great deal about a great deal of things...
Wish me luck on my first day....
Tomorrow i start work. I hate those words. I really truly do. I know i need to work, i mean hello i have bills and debts ect. So yes, i HAVE to work. But i really really dont want to. hehe I know i know, no one WANTS to work. But still...why cant i be start my real life already? I dont want to work these shit ass 9-5 jobs. I just want to marry the women (or man, i dont discriminate) of my dreams and stay home to raise a family. Is that really freaking asking tooo much? hehe I know i know, i'm only 20. BUt what i wouldnt give to wake up tomorrow at 25/6 and just be happy, in love, and pregant. I'm sure most of you are out there laughing right now, or at least rolling your eyes. Silly Liz and all her romanatic, stayat home mom stuff. But to me its not silly and it is what i want NOW, not tomorrow, not in 10 years, NOW! hehe I'm prolly the person under 21 who wants a family already and i know im prolly not even ready for it emotionally and definitly not $$wise, but god its all i can think of as i enbark on my new job tomorrow. I dont want to work there, mostly because i dont want to work anywhere. And not because im lazy, i just want to be housemom forever. I want to cook and clean and do laundry and take my baby to tap lessons or play dates. *sighs a longing sigh* Ok..ok..im sorry I'll stop.
I've spent my weekend thinking. Not about this new job, because to be honest what i'll be doing doesnt really matter to me, as long as it pays the bills for now. Thinking about woman and relationships and emotions and the two special woman in my life right now. Thinking about the L word and that damn chart, thinking about my juliet's last entry. Thinking about my marriage to a woman who doesnt want me. Thinking about my own feelings, my own wants, and my own dreams. Trying to figure out what i want, what i need, and what id like to have. Thinking deep dark thoughts about death and why somethings just will never work out. Thinking about 05/05/05 and how i didnt get drunk, only sad, and how my dream almost came true with the wrong man. And then where would i be? Married, pregant, and not working...wait isnt that exactly what i just asked for? Now im confused, but then i remember he didnt love me enough, and i didnt love him enough to get on that plane and it wasnt meant to happen. And Everything happens for a reason...yes, just been thinking a great deal about a great deal of things...
Wish me luck on my first day....