Very big news.
Leith has autism spectrum disorder (ASD). I don't know why I'm so upset right now. I've suspected it all along. But everybody has been reassuring me. Finally took him to see that very expensive doctor on Tuesday, 16 October (which also happens to be the two year anniversary of Danny's date of death). I'm just going to copy and paste the message I gave Matt's girlfriend about it all.
I took Leith today to see a paediatrician who specialises in ADHD and autism spectrum disorder to basically get his opinion on Leith's development so far as well as some of the things he's been doing that could be considered 'red flags'. He ended up confirming my suspicions that yes, Leith does display autistic traits and that he is somewhere on the autistic spectrum (most probably, but we won't go so far as to give him a definite label until he seems a number of other specialists as well) . Everyone except for my mother has been telling me that I'm overreacting, so I'm very relieved to have an expert diagnosis finally. He also has a severe language delay that we will most definitely have to start helping him with with speech therapists and whatever. The next step in all of this is to take him to see two more specialists, which I've made appointments for in mid-January (the earliest I could get them, obviously) who will hopefully confirm the diagnosis so we can begin treatment. At the moment I am taking him to see private specialists, which I don't need any financial help from Matt for.
When I wrote that, I was a lot more optimistic than I am today and than I was yesterday. I'm just falling apart now. Just absolutely falling apart.
Those appointments in mid-January with those other specialists, a speech pathologist and child psychologist, cost about $1200 together. I'll probably get like...half of it back from medicare. Then once he's been diagnosed "for realz" we can start accessing the umm... Early Intervention package that the government has conveniently just set up for children under 6 on the Autism Spectrum.
I'm realising more and more now that I have no idea what Autism is. What it means for Leith to have it. I've done all this research online and noticed all these things that Leith was doing that made me realise that Leith has it, but I still have no clue what it is. ...So I'm ordering all these books off Amazon.com. I just don't know when I'll have the time to actually read them. Blah blah blaaah.
I'm just... sad. I had high hopes for Leith. He's such a happy boy. But all the things he loves to do best are just more signs that he has ASD. And I hate thinking of them like that. I want to think of them as his funny little quirks. His funny little faces he pulls. The way he spins in circles until he falls over, and then continues to spin in circles while crawling on the floor. But the way he lines all of his toys up, I'll never love that. And I'll never love the way he obsessively spins the wheels of his cars. I feel like throwing out all of his toys with wheels and all the toys he has that he could possibly line up.
I have a date today which I am frantically trying to get a hold of the guy to cancel. Last night I thought it would be good for me to get out of the house but I just don't think I can handle anything out of my usual ...thing...at the moment. Sooo yeah.
It just occured to me that this entry may seem completely random to all of you guys because I don't think I've mentioned ANYTHING about my worries about Leith having ASD before. Basically I didn't want to talk about it until I knew for sure. I did the same thing with my breast surgery entry... which, by the way, is no longer going ahead... because obviously I can't afford to spend that amount of money on myself when Leith's treatment is going to cost probably hundreds of thousands of dollars throughout his childhood at least. Depending on what course of action I decide of course. And I will probably choose the most expensive one that I can't afford lol.
I took Leith today to see a paediatrician who specialises in ADHD and autism spectrum disorder to basically get his opinion on Leith's development so far as well as some of the things he's been doing that could be considered 'red flags'. He ended up confirming my suspicions that yes, Leith does display autistic traits and that he is somewhere on the autistic spectrum (most probably, but we won't go so far as to give him a definite label until he seems a number of other specialists as well) . Everyone except for my mother has been telling me that I'm overreacting, so I'm very relieved to have an expert diagnosis finally. He also has a severe language delay that we will most definitely have to start helping him with with speech therapists and whatever. The next step in all of this is to take him to see two more specialists, which I've made appointments for in mid-January (the earliest I could get them, obviously) who will hopefully confirm the diagnosis so we can begin treatment. At the moment I am taking him to see private specialists, which I don't need any financial help from Matt for.
When I wrote that, I was a lot more optimistic than I am today and than I was yesterday. I'm just falling apart now. Just absolutely falling apart.
Those appointments in mid-January with those other specialists, a speech pathologist and child psychologist, cost about $1200 together. I'll probably get like...half of it back from medicare. Then once he's been diagnosed "for realz" we can start accessing the umm... Early Intervention package that the government has conveniently just set up for children under 6 on the Autism Spectrum.
I'm realising more and more now that I have no idea what Autism is. What it means for Leith to have it. I've done all this research online and noticed all these things that Leith was doing that made me realise that Leith has it, but I still have no clue what it is. ...So I'm ordering all these books off Amazon.com. I just don't know when I'll have the time to actually read them. Blah blah blaaah.
I'm just... sad. I had high hopes for Leith. He's such a happy boy. But all the things he loves to do best are just more signs that he has ASD. And I hate thinking of them like that. I want to think of them as his funny little quirks. His funny little faces he pulls. The way he spins in circles until he falls over, and then continues to spin in circles while crawling on the floor. But the way he lines all of his toys up, I'll never love that. And I'll never love the way he obsessively spins the wheels of his cars. I feel like throwing out all of his toys with wheels and all the toys he has that he could possibly line up.
I have a date today which I am frantically trying to get a hold of the guy to cancel. Last night I thought it would be good for me to get out of the house but I just don't think I can handle anything out of my usual ...thing...at the moment. Sooo yeah.
It just occured to me that this entry may seem completely random to all of you guys because I don't think I've mentioned ANYTHING about my worries about Leith having ASD before. Basically I didn't want to talk about it until I knew for sure. I did the same thing with my breast surgery entry... which, by the way, is no longer going ahead... because obviously I can't afford to spend that amount of money on myself when Leith's treatment is going to cost probably hundreds of thousands of dollars throughout his childhood at least. Depending on what course of action I decide of course. And I will probably choose the most expensive one that I can't afford lol.