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K I am sick of listening to the same fucking annoying noises.
Yeah I did get up too early but I got a nap; also ate comfort food. I am just annoyed with same unnecessary bs.
uGh/a/s;llDL
Don't even remember last time I wrote in here. So ummm what's up ?
Got my Covid vaccination. . . I feel a lot safer in that regard even if not complete. Watching Olympic swimming thing...
I'm so tired I don't care it's Friday and I'm basically a loser here. Not that I even care what everyone else is doing, because pandemic ...it's nice but it's still like never did think I was missing out.
Feel like I have a lot to catch up on but not with people so much. I made some kind of peace with most things. Worried about climate change like yikes.... in other ways it's been amazing differences.
Am I different? I'm sorry to someone but don't think he cares to hear it. Realized he made me feel safe which was kind of amazing. Bad timing though. I mention that because think that's mature I thought of that... I'm usually not in the wrong but I did some things wrong with that. It's kind of sad. Wish I could still talk to him he was pretty sweet. Not only person ever or anything but * tears up* ... not really good words for it...
I am honoring my intent by not wasting more time on certain ex situation that ...never did think that was resolved as much as he would move...and I wanted to know more/him and didn't want to prosecute as much as hopefully I helped stop his disturbing behavior....never going to be sure about that but were changes that make me feel he's maybe less great position to exploit people sexually even though he got a promotion etc. The non work kind is still ugh well he's older etc not sure...also anyone came out against him it'd be a pattern not just one person vs him. It's not my job but I hope that meant something to more than just me but it was important to me that's enough.
Fucking fluff dog trying to eat my calla lily because they are barely up so look like grass shit she's always eating. I don't even like her eating that crap let alone my fucking flowers I've been waiting to come up for ages now. Mom gone so now it's like I have 3x as much to do and not much help. I don't get enough of my own stuff done. I'm exhausted from waking up at 5/6 everyday. It's not even like work were you get money for it and some days off for fuck sake.
I try to do a little every day but it's exasperating. I've been exhausted before enough to know I need time to relax too. Even if I used up every minute I'd get more done for sure but I'd be worse off in some ways. Need to use my planner so I stop forgetting to do things and finish things even when interrupted. It's honestly like some kind of personal hell to not finish things constantly be interrupted etc.
I'm sad for my dog because when I yell at the other one she feels like she's being yelled at. When I spend my time having to watch other dog etc etc it's all time I would/should spend doing things with her or just whatever....
What can I do but try and keep trying? My friend was asking me what I want and I was struck by how vague I had to be to have any answer. Part of that is it's not interesting to say I need new glasses etc stuff.That's not in some ways a answer to like how you want your life. In a way it is because I need those basic things done and pandemic was sort of a pause on that (hate eye doctor breathing on me) but ...
now it's more just find time issue.... I am willing to spend my money although all spent on lately is nice dress that's very breathy and has pockets/drys fast (spousedly not like can test that in store! haven't gotten to go swimming etc sweat in it). Might go get the wool dress/different version but same company similar pattern in case my birthday is cold. Oh I paid my phone but didn't get it fixed or activate new one. Umm yeah like I said super basic stuff right.
Big picture ...let's save that for another day it's already 'late' remember I 'll probably sleep terrible because dog sleeps with me and wakes me up. I can't stay up because dog also. I get interrupted mostly from dog. Sounds like dogs the problem but yeah not the half of it. Not like I can just ignore them. They will eat my things, they need food, they need exercise , they need to shit...... the hair...it never stops coming off and then not only need to brush them but clean hair off everything CONSTANTLY...
I'm sitting here with green tea bags drinking soda though... so caffeinated & angry but going to bed. Now some jack wagon is shooting fireworks. I 'm so fucking done with everything today.
Maybe talk plant stuff or whatever I've gotten done sewing or paint wise or who knows maybe I"ll go to a movie etc in mean time.