I'm really sad...
Want to say I wish I could have my life back but that doesn't quite make sense...
Can't tell you what other than super frustrated.As much as some things have changed still deeply disappointed and disgusted with some "things'.
Covid stuff was a difficult aside for me. It simultaneously gave me some benefits like work from home/excuses etc and obviously it's not fun or super helpful to restrict your life and worry you might get sick and die because other people are doing stupid shit but at some level that's all of life no??>>> gross though huh?
Had a moment couple days ago where I was going to get rid of a large old art piece ('05)(honestly I screwed up the nose and mouth ,it was more lazy then terrible though) but I looked at it and it made me calm to think about it. All I have is I don't think I'll be dating any more blondes. That was a joke but seriously not funny that I think I really should avoid certain things. Miss pretty eyes and being able to look at them(in a totally not creepy way I assure you lol). Mostly think I will listen to my intuition/body. I felt a low grade anxiety with "crazy"/creeper boyfriend that was inexplicably for a long time or explicable as something less than(conscious) alarms. For long while (still?) not big fan of mystery but think came around on people a bit where not as much pressure to know a lot quickly. I think that's also about intensity level of a relationship or me having interest. Sad in a way because it'll take me a while to trust or do things that I 'd enjoy.
*cry break*for all the horrible things that happen and continue to affect life negatively with no justice for it all. No real improvement or hope for it for the most part. Not just me/big picture jfc I'm glad I didn't die levels of messed up but society doesn't function okay for most people.
Society level it's been quite something to behold. It feels overly personal sometimes when people start talking about xyz and it's things that have some place/meaning to what happen.
Every time I try to rewrite that blog or whatever it's like something always stops me like the same way something always stopped me from deleting it. Just asking the universe to find a gentler way to intervene besides gauges on my hands though...it's painful and yikes... Strangely this time isn't giving me flashbacks to last time because already got my tetanus booster and accident not intentional thing. Also that was cops too not just blog.
Thinking Easter is a good post up day in whatever form I guess. More about advocating than details. Spirit of my intent was to know (and make things better ...if possible which mixed verdict).