Jaebum/Jo Kwon: This Time Around
Title: This Time Around
Rating: light R
Fandom: 2PM/2AM
Pairing: Jaebum/Jo Kwon
Word Count: 1445
Summary: Jaebum doubts and Kwon breaks.
Notes: I just... I had to make Jaebum cry. Sorry for any spelling / grammar errors. Please tell me if you spot any (:
THIS TIME AROUND
jaebum doesn’t know what’s happening to him. he doesn’t know how it starts - the lingering fingers on his shoulders, the quiet whispers at night on the phone - he doesn’t know, doesn’t understand.
*
jo kwon calls and calls and calls and calls and calls.
jaebum doesn’t answer.
*
jaebum is scared.
he didn’t sign up for this.
he didn’t ask for this.
*
jo kwon calls sunye and when she doesn’t answer he goes over to the wonder girls’ apartment. they’re not home but he stays and waits. he sits at the door with his knees pressed to his chest and burries his face in between his knees. he’s scared. jaebum ...
Ballenga?
jo kwon jumps and throws himself on sunye. throws himself on her and starts bawling, starts crying and whimpering because it hurts. sunye brings him inside and lets him lay down on her lap and cry. kwon doesn’t know what to say - where to start.
he’s ignoring me. i think he’s - scared. i don’t know what he’s scared of! i think i’m dying, unnie. it hurts.
*
hyung,
i am only writing this email to you because you are my brother and my hyung and therefore, i feel it is my duty to inform you of the things that has been happening here in seattle.
first of all. are you seriously taking it up the ass in korea? all the guys are wondering what’s going on. and like. i don’t want to lie to them but i will... for you and all. but ... hyung. that’s fucking gross. how the fuck can you like ... LIKE a guy?! like that’s so fucking wrong on so many fucking levels, hyung.
ok so appa saw all your fucking gay clips on youtube and like. when he sees your ass, you’re fucking dead shit. like i mean dead shit. he doesn’t want a fucking queer ass son so you better get your fucking priorities straight in korea. like i don’t give a shit if you do it to make money - umma and i can convince him of this theory. but i know you better than they do. if you fucking like a guy just tell me. i might think less of you, hyung, but we can fix it. we can fix it. it’s just a disease.
e-mail me back.
jehan.
*
jaebum falls. he falls, falls, falls into this hole that he can’t get out of and he’s trying to get out but he can’t.
except jaebum doesn’t know if it’s because he can’t or he won’t.
*
jaebum knocks on 2AM’s apartment door and jo kwon answers. his red eyes light up after seeing jaebum standing there at the door, scuffing his sneakers on the floor.
jaebum knows that he shouldn’t be toeing off his shoes, knows he shouldn’t let kwon lead him to the bedroom, knows that he shouldn’t have pushed kwon up against the wall, knows that he shouldn’t be kissing kwon. jaebum kisses kwon like it’s the only thing left in this world. kisses kwon all teeth and tongue - runs hands up and down kwon’s body, his body responding to the noises that kwon makes low in his throat.
he lifts kwon’s shirt up over his head and throws it on the floor, mercilessly kissing the other boy’s neck. kwon’s fingers are tangled in his hair, right leg hooked around jaebum’s waist and thrusting forward, forward, forward. kwon moans, want you, need you, fuck me and jaebum feels his chest constrict because this is wrong.
jaebum pulls away, looks at jo kwon and wonders how he could ever want this. this: jo kwon staring up at him with so much trust that it hurts hurts hurts, his eyes red from crying the hour previous, love bites up and down his neck, lanky body and a hard on that’s pressing right against his.
kwon pulls at jaebum’s shirt, pulls him closer and leans up for a kiss. jaebum is kissing jo kwon. jaebum is kissing jo kwon. jaebum is kissing jo kwon. jaebum is crying as he kisses jo kwon.
jaebum shoves at kwon, pushing him further up against the wall, tears streaming down his face and it’s at the point where kwon’s face is a blur. jaebum whispers and it’s so quiet, so quiet that kwon almost didn’t hear him.
i’m leaving you.
kwon wishes he hadn’t heard him.
kwon wishes he had no hearing.
*
kwon falls on stage.
kwon cries on stage.
kwon refuses to eat.
*
jaebum pretends to smile.
jaebum doesn’t let the boys touch him.
jaebum has punched holes in the wall.
wooyoung thinks there has to be at least ten - not counting the one that jaebum is punching right now.
*
hyung,
appa has seen your most recent clips on youtube again. needless to say he is satisfied that you don’t look like a queer. he says to keep up the good work. he’s also wondering why you won’t answer his phone calls. he says if you have the time to e-mail me and write on your myspace, you have the time to answer his phone calls.
just fucking answer them before i chop my ears off. i don’t want to fucking listen to his bitching.
love you hyung (no homo)
jehan.
*
jaebum’s going crazy. he thinks that tomorrow is yesterday and yesterday is tomorrow. he doesn’t understand what’s going on - he can’t think straight. he thinks sideways. he thinks.
he doesn’t know anymore.
*
kwon stops talking.
continues sobbing.
continues hurting.
*
jaebum is up late at night staring at his cell phone. he dials a familiar number, forgetting about the cost of long distance but at this point he doesn’t even care. on the other side of the world his mother answers the phone but jaebum doesn’t say anything. he’s too scared to say something - anything - scared his voice will crack, scared that the moment it does his mother will know.
she says his name, patient, understanding waiting for her son to talk. she will wait on the other end until he talks to her, she will wait in silence for him because she loves him. jaebum understands this half an hour into the phone call and starts sobbing. he breaks down, falls onto his hands and knees and tries to talk but he can’t. his speech is stunted, his words are choppy - a mixture of korean and english and even he doesn’t understand but she does.
umma, he cries into the phone, umma i don’t know what’s wrong with me. i’m not gay, umma, i swear, i’m not gay. but i - i think i love him. and i’m hurting him because i don’t want to disappoint appa. i don’t want him to think he made a mistake letting me go to korea, i don’t -
jaebum’s mother is silent at first - or so jaebum thinks. she has her hand pressed tightly over her mouth so her son can’t hear. except she breaks down too. she tells him she loves him, no matter what, she tells him it’s okay baby. it’s okay to love him, it’s okay to love whoever you want. you are allowed to love him, baby. you are allowed to love whoever you want, i’m with you on this. i’ll never leave you because of you who love. i’ll love whoever you do, because i love you.
jaebum is still crying on the phone, still sobbing with his mother on the other line but he can breathe easier now.
*
hyung,
umma says you love a boy. appa threw a fit.
i ...
jehan
*
jaebum shows up at 2AM’s apartment one night. jo kwon answers the door because he’s the only one home. he feels his heart break further when he sees jaebum standing at his door. jaebum standing at his door with his eyes red, looking like he lost a bit of weight, jaw set.
jo kwon knows it wrong but he lets him inside, lets him toes off his shoes and leads him to the bedroom. kwon knows he shouldn’t let jaebum push him onto the bed, knows he shouldn’t let jaebum kiss him, knows he shouldn’t let jaebum run his hands up and down his body.
jaebum pulls back for a second - kwon feels the air in his lungs disappear.
i love you.
kwon swears he doesn’t know how to breathe.
take me back ... please.
kwon swears he doesn’t know how to breathe.
i’m so sorry.
kwon swears he doesn’t know how to breathe.
saranghae. i love you. saranghae. i love you. saranghae. i love you. saranghae.
kwon swears he started breathing.
Rating: light R
Fandom: 2PM/2AM
Pairing: Jaebum/Jo Kwon
Word Count: 1445
Summary: Jaebum doubts and Kwon breaks.
Notes: I just... I had to make Jaebum cry. Sorry for any spelling / grammar errors. Please tell me if you spot any (:
THIS TIME AROUND
jaebum doesn’t know what’s happening to him. he doesn’t know how it starts - the lingering fingers on his shoulders, the quiet whispers at night on the phone - he doesn’t know, doesn’t understand.
*
jo kwon calls and calls and calls and calls and calls.
jaebum doesn’t answer.
*
jaebum is scared.
he didn’t sign up for this.
he didn’t ask for this.
*
jo kwon calls sunye and when she doesn’t answer he goes over to the wonder girls’ apartment. they’re not home but he stays and waits. he sits at the door with his knees pressed to his chest and burries his face in between his knees. he’s scared. jaebum ...
Ballenga?
jo kwon jumps and throws himself on sunye. throws himself on her and starts bawling, starts crying and whimpering because it hurts. sunye brings him inside and lets him lay down on her lap and cry. kwon doesn’t know what to say - where to start.
he’s ignoring me. i think he’s - scared. i don’t know what he’s scared of! i think i’m dying, unnie. it hurts.
*
hyung,
i am only writing this email to you because you are my brother and my hyung and therefore, i feel it is my duty to inform you of the things that has been happening here in seattle.
first of all. are you seriously taking it up the ass in korea? all the guys are wondering what’s going on. and like. i don’t want to lie to them but i will... for you and all. but ... hyung. that’s fucking gross. how the fuck can you like ... LIKE a guy?! like that’s so fucking wrong on so many fucking levels, hyung.
ok so appa saw all your fucking gay clips on youtube and like. when he sees your ass, you’re fucking dead shit. like i mean dead shit. he doesn’t want a fucking queer ass son so you better get your fucking priorities straight in korea. like i don’t give a shit if you do it to make money - umma and i can convince him of this theory. but i know you better than they do. if you fucking like a guy just tell me. i might think less of you, hyung, but we can fix it. we can fix it. it’s just a disease.
e-mail me back.
jehan.
*
jaebum falls. he falls, falls, falls into this hole that he can’t get out of and he’s trying to get out but he can’t.
except jaebum doesn’t know if it’s because he can’t or he won’t.
*
jaebum knocks on 2AM’s apartment door and jo kwon answers. his red eyes light up after seeing jaebum standing there at the door, scuffing his sneakers on the floor.
jaebum knows that he shouldn’t be toeing off his shoes, knows he shouldn’t let kwon lead him to the bedroom, knows that he shouldn’t have pushed kwon up against the wall, knows that he shouldn’t be kissing kwon. jaebum kisses kwon like it’s the only thing left in this world. kisses kwon all teeth and tongue - runs hands up and down kwon’s body, his body responding to the noises that kwon makes low in his throat.
he lifts kwon’s shirt up over his head and throws it on the floor, mercilessly kissing the other boy’s neck. kwon’s fingers are tangled in his hair, right leg hooked around jaebum’s waist and thrusting forward, forward, forward. kwon moans, want you, need you, fuck me and jaebum feels his chest constrict because this is wrong.
jaebum pulls away, looks at jo kwon and wonders how he could ever want this. this: jo kwon staring up at him with so much trust that it hurts hurts hurts, his eyes red from crying the hour previous, love bites up and down his neck, lanky body and a hard on that’s pressing right against his.
kwon pulls at jaebum’s shirt, pulls him closer and leans up for a kiss. jaebum is kissing jo kwon. jaebum is kissing jo kwon. jaebum is kissing jo kwon. jaebum is crying as he kisses jo kwon.
jaebum shoves at kwon, pushing him further up against the wall, tears streaming down his face and it’s at the point where kwon’s face is a blur. jaebum whispers and it’s so quiet, so quiet that kwon almost didn’t hear him.
i’m leaving you.
kwon wishes he hadn’t heard him.
kwon wishes he had no hearing.
*
kwon falls on stage.
kwon cries on stage.
kwon refuses to eat.
*
jaebum pretends to smile.
jaebum doesn’t let the boys touch him.
jaebum has punched holes in the wall.
wooyoung thinks there has to be at least ten - not counting the one that jaebum is punching right now.
*
hyung,
appa has seen your most recent clips on youtube again. needless to say he is satisfied that you don’t look like a queer. he says to keep up the good work. he’s also wondering why you won’t answer his phone calls. he says if you have the time to e-mail me and write on your myspace, you have the time to answer his phone calls.
just fucking answer them before i chop my ears off. i don’t want to fucking listen to his bitching.
love you hyung (no homo)
jehan.
*
jaebum’s going crazy. he thinks that tomorrow is yesterday and yesterday is tomorrow. he doesn’t understand what’s going on - he can’t think straight. he thinks sideways. he thinks.
he doesn’t know anymore.
*
kwon stops talking.
continues sobbing.
continues hurting.
*
jaebum is up late at night staring at his cell phone. he dials a familiar number, forgetting about the cost of long distance but at this point he doesn’t even care. on the other side of the world his mother answers the phone but jaebum doesn’t say anything. he’s too scared to say something - anything - scared his voice will crack, scared that the moment it does his mother will know.
she says his name, patient, understanding waiting for her son to talk. she will wait on the other end until he talks to her, she will wait in silence for him because she loves him. jaebum understands this half an hour into the phone call and starts sobbing. he breaks down, falls onto his hands and knees and tries to talk but he can’t. his speech is stunted, his words are choppy - a mixture of korean and english and even he doesn’t understand but she does.
umma, he cries into the phone, umma i don’t know what’s wrong with me. i’m not gay, umma, i swear, i’m not gay. but i - i think i love him. and i’m hurting him because i don’t want to disappoint appa. i don’t want him to think he made a mistake letting me go to korea, i don’t -
jaebum’s mother is silent at first - or so jaebum thinks. she has her hand pressed tightly over her mouth so her son can’t hear. except she breaks down too. she tells him she loves him, no matter what, she tells him it’s okay baby. it’s okay to love him, it’s okay to love whoever you want. you are allowed to love him, baby. you are allowed to love whoever you want, i’m with you on this. i’ll never leave you because of you who love. i’ll love whoever you do, because i love you.
jaebum is still crying on the phone, still sobbing with his mother on the other line but he can breathe easier now.
*
hyung,
umma says you love a boy. appa threw a fit.
i ...
jehan
*
jaebum shows up at 2AM’s apartment one night. jo kwon answers the door because he’s the only one home. he feels his heart break further when he sees jaebum standing at his door. jaebum standing at his door with his eyes red, looking like he lost a bit of weight, jaw set.
jo kwon knows it wrong but he lets him inside, lets him toes off his shoes and leads him to the bedroom. kwon knows he shouldn’t let jaebum push him onto the bed, knows he shouldn’t let jaebum kiss him, knows he shouldn’t let jaebum run his hands up and down his body.
jaebum pulls back for a second - kwon feels the air in his lungs disappear.
i love you.
kwon swears he doesn’t know how to breathe.
take me back ... please.
kwon swears he doesn’t know how to breathe.
i’m so sorry.
kwon swears he doesn’t know how to breathe.
saranghae. i love you. saranghae. i love you. saranghae. i love you. saranghae.
kwon swears he started breathing.