FiNaLLy GoT iT BaCK...
So for some reason my internet's been messed up for like the last 2 weeks. Believe me, it's been boriiiing! Especially since I got like a week off work to recuperate, and I have no school and everyone else and their mother does...but anyhow, I wrote this entry like heck of long ago, just was never able to post it, and although it's somewhat old news, it's still important!
To describe what happened to me a few weeks ago in two words: MiND BoGGLiNG.
You know how ppl explain moments/times in their lives as “roller coasters”? (I know I do…a lot =P) This was most def. one of those occasions. Except in this case, it wasn’t your run of the mill up & down coaster, more so like one of those super high towers like “Drop Zone”. Imagine you are on the way up, going slowly, being frantic at to what will happen….then reaching the very top, feeling scared for your life, thinking “holy-shit-this-is-it”…then *BaM* instantly reaching the bottom, taking a huge breath of relief b/c you are still alive to tell the tale.
I had a real scare b/c I had these HORRIBLE headaches. Like, the ones where you feel your head seriously throb w/ pain. I was also looking really pale and not hungry at all, all I wanted to do was sleep all day…just like when I was first diagnosed…=/ So my mom took me to see my doctor in Manteca to get some blood drawn. Hours later my doctor from UCSF called and said I should get to UCSF as soon as possible… OMG, I started bawling! There was no way I was gonna go through this whole ordeal all over again, especially being just weeks away from finishing the first time around! You can imagine how scared I was, how scared my family and friends were! It was awful! =(
When I was getting ready to go to the hospital, I took a shower and when I got out I looked in the mirror and just saw how pale I was and imagined myself w/ the bald little head, w/ the brittle looking body…memories that will never escape my mind, but ugh, it was just like “No…not again! I CAN‘T do this all over again!”
We got to the hospital and the doctor (she wasn‘t my regular oncologist, but she was the resident on call that night, really nice and looked quite young) explained to me what the possibilities were, I just kept crying b/c all the symptoms lead to the possibility of a relapse and they don’t know why/how it happens, but in a lot of cases it does. I could see the tears welling up in her eyes also, just from seeing how upset I was b/c imagine how terrible it would’ve been if it would’ve came back when I’m so close to being done. Seeing the tears in her eyes told me she must have been a semi-new doctor, b/c normally doctors are used to telling ppl bad news, so I just assumed. Either she was new, or a very sentimental person. She really tried to make me feel better but nothing she could have said was gonna make me feel any better. The only thing that was gonna make me feel better was gonna be getting that bone marrow test done and getting those results!
So, to not bore you w/ the boring-ness of the hospital, it turns out that it was only a virus, the same one I had on my lip since like a month ago, and b/c my mom told me to stop taking the antibiotics they gave me, is why it got worse. There were only a few of my friends that I told when I went to the hospital, (and thank you to those of you who called me and worried about me! And thanx to my baby for visiting me, and Jason for trying to get a buncha ppl together to come see me even though I left the hospital early. You guys rock!) and when we found out that it was only a virus, everyone was like “YaY! I heard the good news! You have a virus!” LoL…it was just funny to hear that, b/c I would never have imagined to be happy that I had a virus…but compared to the alternative, MUUUUCH better. =) Like my friend Kevin, from middle school said: “The only way to make 'bad' seem 'good' is for it not be the 'worst'.” =)
Then like a week after that whole ordeal, get ready folks…*drum-roll please!* …LAST CHEMO!!!!! =D =D =D Aasdtjhaweuthadfmgadasdf, sooooooo freeing! The only pills I’m gonna hafta take are gonna be some antibiotics for about 4-6 months, just to keep away any future viruses. I wanna throw a party, I wanna celebrate like there’s no tomorrow! I’m going to hafta do something to commemorate the special occasion, I just don’t know what! Any ideas? If you care about me, you will congratulate me on my wonderful achievement of finishing treatment! =D (Even if it’s a little late, and also give me ideas as to what I/we can do to celebrate!)
To describe what happened to me a few weeks ago in two words: MiND BoGGLiNG.
You know how ppl explain moments/times in their lives as “roller coasters”? (I know I do…a lot =P) This was most def. one of those occasions. Except in this case, it wasn’t your run of the mill up & down coaster, more so like one of those super high towers like “Drop Zone”. Imagine you are on the way up, going slowly, being frantic at to what will happen….then reaching the very top, feeling scared for your life, thinking “holy-shit-this-is-it”…then *BaM* instantly reaching the bottom, taking a huge breath of relief b/c you are still alive to tell the tale.
I had a real scare b/c I had these HORRIBLE headaches. Like, the ones where you feel your head seriously throb w/ pain. I was also looking really pale and not hungry at all, all I wanted to do was sleep all day…just like when I was first diagnosed…=/ So my mom took me to see my doctor in Manteca to get some blood drawn. Hours later my doctor from UCSF called and said I should get to UCSF as soon as possible… OMG, I started bawling! There was no way I was gonna go through this whole ordeal all over again, especially being just weeks away from finishing the first time around! You can imagine how scared I was, how scared my family and friends were! It was awful! =(
When I was getting ready to go to the hospital, I took a shower and when I got out I looked in the mirror and just saw how pale I was and imagined myself w/ the bald little head, w/ the brittle looking body…memories that will never escape my mind, but ugh, it was just like “No…not again! I CAN‘T do this all over again!”
We got to the hospital and the doctor (she wasn‘t my regular oncologist, but she was the resident on call that night, really nice and looked quite young) explained to me what the possibilities were, I just kept crying b/c all the symptoms lead to the possibility of a relapse and they don’t know why/how it happens, but in a lot of cases it does. I could see the tears welling up in her eyes also, just from seeing how upset I was b/c imagine how terrible it would’ve been if it would’ve came back when I’m so close to being done. Seeing the tears in her eyes told me she must have been a semi-new doctor, b/c normally doctors are used to telling ppl bad news, so I just assumed. Either she was new, or a very sentimental person. She really tried to make me feel better but nothing she could have said was gonna make me feel any better. The only thing that was gonna make me feel better was gonna be getting that bone marrow test done and getting those results!
So, to not bore you w/ the boring-ness of the hospital, it turns out that it was only a virus, the same one I had on my lip since like a month ago, and b/c my mom told me to stop taking the antibiotics they gave me, is why it got worse. There were only a few of my friends that I told when I went to the hospital, (and thank you to those of you who called me and worried about me! And thanx to my baby for visiting me, and Jason for trying to get a buncha ppl together to come see me even though I left the hospital early. You guys rock!) and when we found out that it was only a virus, everyone was like “YaY! I heard the good news! You have a virus!” LoL…it was just funny to hear that, b/c I would never have imagined to be happy that I had a virus…but compared to the alternative, MUUUUCH better. =) Like my friend Kevin, from middle school said: “The only way to make 'bad' seem 'good' is for it not be the 'worst'.” =)
Then like a week after that whole ordeal, get ready folks…*drum-roll please!* …LAST CHEMO!!!!! =D =D =D Aasdtjhaweuthadfmgadasdf, sooooooo freeing! The only pills I’m gonna hafta take are gonna be some antibiotics for about 4-6 months, just to keep away any future viruses. I wanna throw a party, I wanna celebrate like there’s no tomorrow! I’m going to hafta do something to commemorate the special occasion, I just don’t know what! Any ideas? If you care about me, you will congratulate me on my wonderful achievement of finishing treatment! =D (Even if it’s a little late, and also give me ideas as to what I/we can do to celebrate!)