So SiCK, So SiCK oF BeiNG TiReD & oH So TiReD oF BeiNG SiCK...
Nobody will be able to understand any of the ranting I shall soon write about, but I need to get it out anyways b/c I always feel much better after doing so.
Today I hung out w/ my Hayward homies Ayesha and Jaimini and it was all gravy. It felt so good to catch up w/ these ppl I've known since kindergarten and just see them again since I haven't seen them since they came and visited me @ my aunt and uncle's house last year. I introduced them to Cory, Jason, Mike and Maggie, and just as things started to get more comfortable between us all, I had to take them back to BART. =( Blah! But Cory, the sweetheart that he is, came w/ me to drop them off b/c I would've been sitting in rush hour traffic all alone. It was also fun hanging out w/ him, we got Jamba (we urgently NEED one of those in Tracy!) having our little serious conversations made me realize that I need to hang out w/ him more. We used to hang out like ALL the time back in the day, and I miss those days.
After I took Cory home, I went home and ate, and waited for Cory and Maggie to finish w/ dinner so I could call Mike and Jason and we could hang out for a while before we went to Mindy's, but that didn't happen. I fell asleep awaiting their call and headed over to Mindy's when I woke up. I didn't feel good at all, but went anyways.
I got there and was really quiet b/c I was really tired and 1) I am losing blood in the monthly fashion, 2) my lip hurts like nobody's business, b/c a lot of it's peeling off so it's super raw, 3) I have these gross callus thingies on my toes that hurt when I walk, 4) I get weird cramps in my feet when I don't drink enough milk, 5) it hurts when I go potty, 6) I've been getting random headaches and dizzy spells, and last, but definitely not least, 7) my never-ending stomach problems. ALL of those (minus the first one) due to chemo. MY body is just so fed up w/ 2+ yrs. of this medicinal bullshit and my brain is catching up.
I hate that I have the energy level of an 89 yr. old grandma at age 18. I hate that I hafta force myself to eat when I'm not even hungry b/c if I don't, I get nautious. I hate that I hafta drink hell of water all the time b/c I have so much poison in my system. I hate that I hafta remember to take *insert number here* pills every night. (I have a different pill schedule every day of the week) I hate that if it's not one thing bothering me, it's another. I hate that I'm whining like a stupid little wuss who can't handle it. I hate that I was more of a "trooper" when I was under more/worse chemo. I hate that I'm not able to enjoy myself w/ my friends and would rather just be laying in bed. I hate that NO ONE understands what I go thru and only make their stupid assumptions as to what my problem is.
I know I only have one more month left, and I keep telling myself that, but I'm literally SICK of being SICK! My poor little body has been thru so much in the last 2 yrs, it's exhausted and it needs a break.
Today I hung out w/ my Hayward homies Ayesha and Jaimini and it was all gravy. It felt so good to catch up w/ these ppl I've known since kindergarten and just see them again since I haven't seen them since they came and visited me @ my aunt and uncle's house last year. I introduced them to Cory, Jason, Mike and Maggie, and just as things started to get more comfortable between us all, I had to take them back to BART. =( Blah! But Cory, the sweetheart that he is, came w/ me to drop them off b/c I would've been sitting in rush hour traffic all alone. It was also fun hanging out w/ him, we got Jamba (we urgently NEED one of those in Tracy!) having our little serious conversations made me realize that I need to hang out w/ him more. We used to hang out like ALL the time back in the day, and I miss those days.
After I took Cory home, I went home and ate, and waited for Cory and Maggie to finish w/ dinner so I could call Mike and Jason and we could hang out for a while before we went to Mindy's, but that didn't happen. I fell asleep awaiting their call and headed over to Mindy's when I woke up. I didn't feel good at all, but went anyways.
I got there and was really quiet b/c I was really tired and 1) I am losing blood in the monthly fashion, 2) my lip hurts like nobody's business, b/c a lot of it's peeling off so it's super raw, 3) I have these gross callus thingies on my toes that hurt when I walk, 4) I get weird cramps in my feet when I don't drink enough milk, 5) it hurts when I go potty, 6) I've been getting random headaches and dizzy spells, and last, but definitely not least, 7) my never-ending stomach problems. ALL of those (minus the first one) due to chemo. MY body is just so fed up w/ 2+ yrs. of this medicinal bullshit and my brain is catching up.
I hate that I have the energy level of an 89 yr. old grandma at age 18. I hate that I hafta force myself to eat when I'm not even hungry b/c if I don't, I get nautious. I hate that I hafta drink hell of water all the time b/c I have so much poison in my system. I hate that I hafta remember to take *insert number here* pills every night. (I have a different pill schedule every day of the week) I hate that if it's not one thing bothering me, it's another. I hate that I'm whining like a stupid little wuss who can't handle it. I hate that I was more of a "trooper" when I was under more/worse chemo. I hate that I'm not able to enjoy myself w/ my friends and would rather just be laying in bed. I hate that NO ONE understands what I go thru and only make their stupid assumptions as to what my problem is.
I know I only have one more month left, and I keep telling myself that, but I'm literally SICK of being SICK! My poor little body has been thru so much in the last 2 yrs, it's exhausted and it needs a break.