Simple Thoughts...
I want...
I've come to the conclusion that I really am a selfish bitch. <-- Never thought I'd type it. But, I suppose realizing it is the first step to fixing it. It's just sad because I usually don't have many pain-filled, vicious thoughts...I usually have loving thoughts, and for the most part my intentions are pretty plain and love-induced.
Segway to what seems to be too good probably is. I spent an entire day this last week trying to figure out what the hell I'm overcompensating for, and 'ya know what...I figured it out. It's who I am, and I'm overcompensating for me. I generally just don't think that I deserve the time of day from anyone...and I've lived my life shadowed to someone who I saw in shadows.
If I could, I would absorb all the pain of those I care about, because I would rather see me suffering than them. I empathize quickly, become infatuated easily and never forget. I'm afraid of letting things go right for me, because somehow I think that I would be causing someone else pain.
Last night, I had the most bizarre dream, and to be quite honest...it was um...not like me at all, but not bad either. But maybe it is like me...maybe it's a shell I need to break through. Every light has a shadow, I just don't want to cast mine on someone I love.
I've come to the conclusion that I really am a selfish bitch. <-- Never thought I'd type it. But, I suppose realizing it is the first step to fixing it. It's just sad because I usually don't have many pain-filled, vicious thoughts...I usually have loving thoughts, and for the most part my intentions are pretty plain and love-induced.
Segway to what seems to be too good probably is. I spent an entire day this last week trying to figure out what the hell I'm overcompensating for, and 'ya know what...I figured it out. It's who I am, and I'm overcompensating for me. I generally just don't think that I deserve the time of day from anyone...and I've lived my life shadowed to someone who I saw in shadows.
If I could, I would absorb all the pain of those I care about, because I would rather see me suffering than them. I empathize quickly, become infatuated easily and never forget. I'm afraid of letting things go right for me, because somehow I think that I would be causing someone else pain.
Last night, I had the most bizarre dream, and to be quite honest...it was um...not like me at all, but not bad either. But maybe it is like me...maybe it's a shell I need to break through. Every light has a shadow, I just don't want to cast mine on someone I love.