Someone said something to me the other day that has been slowly sinking into meaning. She said "I just treat it like everything is an accident and then I can't really get angry about it
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I just had a conversation with my friend Robin the other day about the difference between being self-aware and self-absorbed. Most people give themselves credit for working on themselves when what they actually doing is wallowing in the pool of their own needs and desires. How often does one voluntarily examine the ways in which their own behavior annoys or fails other people? Meaning, without someone else complaining. Never! (If one is honest, it is a list that is not fun to make).
I am guilty, guilty, guilty of too much self-importance. You are so right that the key is to think of others first. I really hope I get better at this, I am sure it would make me a happier person.
someone said to me once "Emily, not everyone is as interested in what goes on in your head as you are and once you figure that out you'll be much more fun to hang out with."
yeah... that hurt. But when I finally did stop being so self obsessed I looked back and saw real truth in that statement even though it maybe wasn't the most sensitive thing to say to me at that point in my life. The person who said it really really especially had no right saying it for many reasons... but whatever.
I can say that now that my life has become more focused on others I am a thousand times happier. :)
Eeesh, that's rough. That's not a way to talk to people, but at least you took something positive from it. Good for you!
Right now I have to *actively* practice being generous (giving of things I may want for myself) and good listening. Just this week, I did two things that were nice, that I had to make myself do because it was inconvenient and cost me some trouble. Someday this will hopefully come naturally and I will obtain this contentedness I keep reading about! ;) Supposedly, concern for the happiness of others is the best way to permanently regulate depression. I am hoping this is so. It would seem you agree.
yeah, I do agree! I actually get excited when the universe provides me with opportunities to help others. Little things like opening a door for someone, or picking up something a stranger dropped, or just smiling at people. It makes my day brighter to see the small effects I can have on the people who I encounter. I like to think that this is where life is really led, in these small details that often never get noticed or rewarded, but that effect positive change better than grand gestures often do.
Those little politeness and pleasantries I do all the time, it is very nice! I even thank the bus driver before I get off, it made Katja laugh. The part I have trouble with is listening to people even if it is boring or inconvenient, and giving up on my own demands (forfend!) to make someone else happy. Really putting the happiness of others first. That is much harder, because we are taught, wrongly, that the best way to be happy is to have whatever we want.
Haven't you ever noticed my polite and friendly public face? No, I suppose not...ha!
hahahah! I think that when I get the rare and awesome opportunity to see you it is mostly when we are in a house or something like that where we don't have to force smiles at each other since we love one another and can scowl instead! no no, I kid. When I am in your presence I am normally clutching my stomach with laughter since you are one of my favorite people
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I KNOW I'm not special. But I feel lately, like the more I know that, the more I secretly would like to be. Not all the time even, but just once in awhile it would be nice to feel or be treated superduperspecial!
Yeah!! That's just one of the great things about my job! I get to make people feel super duper special even just for an hour. :)
And I agree it is really important to feel special regularly, but thinking and acting as if you are more special than others is when things start to go askew. Feeling special though? Totally important. :)
you get through it by getting back to peoples' therapy goals when they start doing the broken record thing...
i think in order to help others, one must be self aware. but so often people stay in that self awareness without transitioning to turning that self awareness into actively helping/listening to others. i'm pretty self-involved, but i fight it by going more deeply into other peoples' point of view rather than constantly comparing it to my own experience. but that's with clients. friendship is different. it should be more reciprocal, and i think you have the right to tell people when you can't deal.
I am guilty, guilty, guilty of too much self-importance. You are so right that the key is to think of others first. I really hope I get better at this, I am sure it would make me a happier person.
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yeah... that hurt. But when I finally did stop being so self obsessed I looked back and saw real truth in that statement even though it maybe wasn't the most sensitive thing to say to me at that point in my life. The person who said it really really especially had no right saying it for many reasons... but whatever.
I can say that now that my life has become more focused on others I am a thousand times happier. :)
Reply
Right now I have to *actively* practice being generous (giving of things I may want for myself) and good listening. Just this week, I did two things that were nice, that I had to make myself do because it was inconvenient and cost me some trouble. Someday this will hopefully come naturally and I will obtain this contentedness I keep reading about! ;) Supposedly, concern for the happiness of others is the best way to permanently regulate depression. I am hoping this is so. It would seem you agree.
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It is habit forming though! So watch out! ;)
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Haven't you ever noticed my polite and friendly public face? No, I suppose not...ha!
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And I agree it is really important to feel special regularly, but thinking and acting as if you are more special than others is when things start to go askew. Feeling special though? Totally important. :)
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i think in order to help others, one must be self aware. but so often people stay in that self awareness without transitioning to turning that self awareness into actively helping/listening to others. i'm pretty self-involved, but i fight it by going more deeply into other peoples' point of view rather than constantly comparing it to my own experience. but that's with clients. friendship is different. it should be more reciprocal, and i think you have the right to tell people when you can't deal.
Reply
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