Someone said something to me the other day that has been slowly sinking into meaning. She said "I just treat it like everything is an accident and then I can't really get angry about it
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hahahah! I think that when I get the rare and awesome opportunity to see you it is mostly when we are in a house or something like that where we don't have to force smiles at each other since we love one another and can scowl instead! no no, I kid. When I am in your presence I am normally clutching my stomach with laughter since you are one of my favorite people. :)
Listening to others can be excruciatingly boring. I don't know how therapists manage it. I get through it by trying my best to empathize with what they must be feeling. Sure this thing they are going through is really boring for me, but relative to their experience perhaps this is the biggest deal ever! Not easy, not something I succeed at even regularly, but sometimes it actually teaches me a lot about what it must be like to be someone else. yay for perspective... heh?
but yes, really actually putting the happiness of others first is very difficult for the reason you cite, and also because of the horrible teaching that we are all somehow more special than everyone else. we are soooooo special, such special little unique flowers, and we each DESERVE the best life can offer simply because we were born and the world was graced with our very presence!!!
yeah... that was fun the day I figured out that big sham. yet another person saying to me "Emily, one day you're going to figure out that you're really not that special." ah the teachers we never knew we had... ;)
I KNOW I'm not special. But I feel lately, like the more I know that, the more I secretly would like to be. Not all the time even, but just once in awhile it would be nice to feel or be treated superduperspecial!
Yeah!! That's just one of the great things about my job! I get to make people feel super duper special even just for an hour. :)
And I agree it is really important to feel special regularly, but thinking and acting as if you are more special than others is when things start to go askew. Feeling special though? Totally important. :)
you get through it by getting back to peoples' therapy goals when they start doing the broken record thing...
i think in order to help others, one must be self aware. but so often people stay in that self awareness without transitioning to turning that self awareness into actively helping/listening to others. i'm pretty self-involved, but i fight it by going more deeply into other peoples' point of view rather than constantly comparing it to my own experience. but that's with clients. friendship is different. it should be more reciprocal, and i think you have the right to tell people when you can't deal.
Listening to others can be excruciatingly boring. I don't know how therapists manage it. I get through it by trying my best to empathize with what they must be feeling. Sure this thing they are going through is really boring for me, but relative to their experience perhaps this is the biggest deal ever! Not easy, not something I succeed at even regularly, but sometimes it actually teaches me a lot about what it must be like to be someone else. yay for perspective... heh?
but yes, really actually putting the happiness of others first is very difficult for the reason you cite, and also because of the horrible teaching that we are all somehow more special than everyone else. we are soooooo special, such special little unique flowers, and we each DESERVE the best life can offer simply because we were born and the world was graced with our very presence!!!
yeah... that was fun the day I figured out that big sham. yet another person saying to me "Emily, one day you're going to figure out that you're really not that special." ah the teachers we never knew we had... ;)
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And I agree it is really important to feel special regularly, but thinking and acting as if you are more special than others is when things start to go askew. Feeling special though? Totally important. :)
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i think in order to help others, one must be self aware. but so often people stay in that self awareness without transitioning to turning that self awareness into actively helping/listening to others. i'm pretty self-involved, but i fight it by going more deeply into other peoples' point of view rather than constantly comparing it to my own experience. but that's with clients. friendship is different. it should be more reciprocal, and i think you have the right to tell people when you can't deal.
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