search for traps in vain like scratching so my suitcase i can close
well...
i'm sure that some eventful things have happened since i updated this.
i told my mom i was bi. it went over very well and she wasn't mad or even really that perturbed... just kind of like, "why didn't you tell me before?" so that was good.
i went to visit kirsten in kzoo and we had a lot of fun. we shopped and wrote and pasted pictures in our journals.... and went to a concert called "bands for burma." the proceeds went to the Free Burma Coalition or something...it was a good concert and a good cause. we had chili with her friends bill and caitlin and joe and nancy and lindsay and .... oh shit. there are some more i think but i am Heeeeinous with names. the one called bill had very nice hair. i was jealous. i want nice hair too. hmm... what else?
well we sort of got gaybashed... verbally.. not physically, of course.. otherwise i would have the entire police force of kalamazoo on those people. but it was very scary... i mean to me.. kirsten didn't really seem worried about it. she truly amazes me. there were like 4? 5? i don't even know how many guys in this parking lot that we walked through on the way to the concert. and they started yelling things at us. evidently they thought kirs was some sort of gay boy who was wearing a skirt or something... and they yelled terrible things at us and i was so afraid that they were honestly going to start throwing rocks or bottles or whatever they could find at us. i don't think i have ever felt a feeling like that. everything was tense and tight and i felt like i couldn't breathe ... people are not nice... that is my conclusion. the vast majority of people are mean bastards who would sooner spit on you than raise you from the ground... i feel so lucky to have the tiny number of friends that i have managed to keep one way or another.
maybe this is stupid or foolish or brave or all of the above...
i am not a fighter... i am soft and weak and oh so girly. but in that minute or however long it was that it took us to cross that lot, i knew, i *knew* that had it come down to it, if i was forced to defend myself, or more importantly, kirsten, to those men, i would have done it. i would have done ANYTHING to ensure her safety. there are friends that it would be worth it to die for... and i really didn't know that i had that knowledge in me until that second when they started yelling at us. i didn't know i had that in me. i would have fought with every bit of strength and righteous power that i have. i would have died saving her if it had been necessary. and that is a frightening and a heartening thing to learn. a good thing.
and now after all that profundity... i am off to bed because i feel entirely drained.
i'm sure that some eventful things have happened since i updated this.
i told my mom i was bi. it went over very well and she wasn't mad or even really that perturbed... just kind of like, "why didn't you tell me before?" so that was good.
i went to visit kirsten in kzoo and we had a lot of fun. we shopped and wrote and pasted pictures in our journals.... and went to a concert called "bands for burma." the proceeds went to the Free Burma Coalition or something...it was a good concert and a good cause. we had chili with her friends bill and caitlin and joe and nancy and lindsay and .... oh shit. there are some more i think but i am Heeeeinous with names. the one called bill had very nice hair. i was jealous. i want nice hair too. hmm... what else?
well we sort of got gaybashed... verbally.. not physically, of course.. otherwise i would have the entire police force of kalamazoo on those people. but it was very scary... i mean to me.. kirsten didn't really seem worried about it. she truly amazes me. there were like 4? 5? i don't even know how many guys in this parking lot that we walked through on the way to the concert. and they started yelling things at us. evidently they thought kirs was some sort of gay boy who was wearing a skirt or something... and they yelled terrible things at us and i was so afraid that they were honestly going to start throwing rocks or bottles or whatever they could find at us. i don't think i have ever felt a feeling like that. everything was tense and tight and i felt like i couldn't breathe ... people are not nice... that is my conclusion. the vast majority of people are mean bastards who would sooner spit on you than raise you from the ground... i feel so lucky to have the tiny number of friends that i have managed to keep one way or another.
maybe this is stupid or foolish or brave or all of the above...
i am not a fighter... i am soft and weak and oh so girly. but in that minute or however long it was that it took us to cross that lot, i knew, i *knew* that had it come down to it, if i was forced to defend myself, or more importantly, kirsten, to those men, i would have done it. i would have done ANYTHING to ensure her safety. there are friends that it would be worth it to die for... and i really didn't know that i had that knowledge in me until that second when they started yelling at us. i didn't know i had that in me. i would have fought with every bit of strength and righteous power that i have. i would have died saving her if it had been necessary. and that is a frightening and a heartening thing to learn. a good thing.
and now after all that profundity... i am off to bed because i feel entirely drained.