risk
I thought about you in the tenderloin part of the day, pausing in your sterile white element, a bright green eye cast for detail, and organizing with Prussian efficiency.
In my mind, where infirm, coagulate in motley color, wait their turn, you move like a needle in stark contrast, soft and white and ready for the show
*sigh*
we're doing good?
i feel good. i think he's ok too.
i cut my hair off. it is short now. it's easier to kiss and make out. he thinks i'm cute. i compensate by buying him cokes and twizzlers.
the lines above about made me dizzy at work when i read them.
sometimes he's not funny and that's ok too. i've seen him every day since friday and i spent each night since then at his place. it's like i'm living there, with no title. not that i *need* one mind you but it's getting embarrassing calling him "my friend", because that feels like a cop out. like we're lying to ourselves. now i just want the rest of the week to myself.
bills, bathrooms, closets, cereal, french toast, a boy with admitted chicken legs. rock 'n roll, eyeliner, ear plugs, navigational tactics.
this is all just me dancing around how i really fucking feel and i shouldn't do that. i want to be this boy's girlfriend. i want him to want that too. right now we're not promised to each other in that way but it'd be a kick in the stomach if someone were to test the boundaries. and i want to, test the boundaries, just to see what he'd do. but i'm not going to. he's already done enough nice things to keep me happy for a while.
it feels good and timely. it's a lot easier to not focus on lee now, i still need to apologize, but fear if i do it'll just take things back to how they were a month ago. i don't want to have to deal with that again. i purposely made space and time in my life for this one boy. i feel weird about focusing on one person. i've not done that before. he says i make him nervous. i try not to engage him in these types of conversations, as much as i want to have them. he knows i have insecurities but i try to be that girl for him. the one with no expectations that i somehow believe every boy wants. just a casual chick who doesn't ask about "us".
In my mind, where infirm, coagulate in motley color, wait their turn, you move like a needle in stark contrast, soft and white and ready for the show
*sigh*
we're doing good?
i feel good. i think he's ok too.
i cut my hair off. it is short now. it's easier to kiss and make out. he thinks i'm cute. i compensate by buying him cokes and twizzlers.
the lines above about made me dizzy at work when i read them.
sometimes he's not funny and that's ok too. i've seen him every day since friday and i spent each night since then at his place. it's like i'm living there, with no title. not that i *need* one mind you but it's getting embarrassing calling him "my friend", because that feels like a cop out. like we're lying to ourselves. now i just want the rest of the week to myself.
bills, bathrooms, closets, cereal, french toast, a boy with admitted chicken legs. rock 'n roll, eyeliner, ear plugs, navigational tactics.
this is all just me dancing around how i really fucking feel and i shouldn't do that. i want to be this boy's girlfriend. i want him to want that too. right now we're not promised to each other in that way but it'd be a kick in the stomach if someone were to test the boundaries. and i want to, test the boundaries, just to see what he'd do. but i'm not going to. he's already done enough nice things to keep me happy for a while.
it feels good and timely. it's a lot easier to not focus on lee now, i still need to apologize, but fear if i do it'll just take things back to how they were a month ago. i don't want to have to deal with that again. i purposely made space and time in my life for this one boy. i feel weird about focusing on one person. i've not done that before. he says i make him nervous. i try not to engage him in these types of conversations, as much as i want to have them. he knows i have insecurities but i try to be that girl for him. the one with no expectations that i somehow believe every boy wants. just a casual chick who doesn't ask about "us".