Big dreams but destined to fail :(
I am not doing well at all today. Yesterday I went to the Counseler and explained my situation. She said it sounded like I was ready to change and gave me tips to not drink.
But today I am not cofident like I was. I don't see myself quiting. I see myself failing. I see myself giving in. My head is telling me don't do it but the addict in me is telling me I need it. I just have a grey outlook on the whole situation. And I am really scared for my future. I fear human weakness and that I won't be strong enough. I never admit that I need help. But I need someone to save me. I'm really not to sure if I can save myself. Not that I believe in God but I need Jesus haha
Then part of me doesn't want to stop. I love drinking and I don't want to give it up. There are a lot of days coming up that I want to drink. The St Patricks day bar crawl for example. I signed up for it before I decided to quit. Nikki is suppose to come up for it. I defiantly wanted to drink that day. Then there comes my spring break. I want to go see Nurangiz and I want to go out and drink. Especially when I am in London. I want to go to my bars and I want to drink and have fun. To me why go to London if I can't go out to my bars.
I am not making an rash decisions today. I am living each day for that day. I'm not going to drink today. Tomorrow is tomorrow and I will worry about it then. If in two weeks I decide that I want to drink then it will be decided then. But as of right now I am staying sober. Who know's what could happen if I stay sober. For all I know I won't want to drink. But for now I am going to keep strong. For today I will stay sober!!!
Alcohol free is where i'm tryin to be!!!
But today I am not cofident like I was. I don't see myself quiting. I see myself failing. I see myself giving in. My head is telling me don't do it but the addict in me is telling me I need it. I just have a grey outlook on the whole situation. And I am really scared for my future. I fear human weakness and that I won't be strong enough. I never admit that I need help. But I need someone to save me. I'm really not to sure if I can save myself. Not that I believe in God but I need Jesus haha
Then part of me doesn't want to stop. I love drinking and I don't want to give it up. There are a lot of days coming up that I want to drink. The St Patricks day bar crawl for example. I signed up for it before I decided to quit. Nikki is suppose to come up for it. I defiantly wanted to drink that day. Then there comes my spring break. I want to go see Nurangiz and I want to go out and drink. Especially when I am in London. I want to go to my bars and I want to drink and have fun. To me why go to London if I can't go out to my bars.
I am not making an rash decisions today. I am living each day for that day. I'm not going to drink today. Tomorrow is tomorrow and I will worry about it then. If in two weeks I decide that I want to drink then it will be decided then. But as of right now I am staying sober. Who know's what could happen if I stay sober. For all I know I won't want to drink. But for now I am going to keep strong. For today I will stay sober!!!
Alcohol free is where i'm tryin to be!!!