major update
So when I last left I think I was moaning about my job or my life or some other crap that I can't recall. Since then a few things have happened mostly good.
I know saying my mom's death as a good thing seems kinda wrong. But to those who dont know me well, you dont know the hell my life has been all the time she was alive. From a controlled childhood where I couldnt go out or do anything to an adulthood where I had to play the role of parent/caretaker to alzheimer's disease. Anyways it's over and a overwhelming feeling of freedom has come over. Yes there are still days when I feel awful and such. It's not over her, but I mean as rotten a person as she was, she was my mother. And nothing can change that.
And a lot of this has put my life into prospective. Yes I shouldnt rush into things, but sometimes you have to maybe take a chance which brings me to my next pleasant dilemma. (I say pleasant cuz it potentially could be a good thing, but a bad thing as well).
See it goes like this. I have 2 female best friends that I've known for a year now. Both are close to my heart and we're all close. But anyways one I originally had strong feelings for, but always knew she had a boyfriend of like 7 years. And i kept thinking that they'd break up or something, cuz he's not all that. But I've come to the realization that nothing can ever be with her, she wont ever leave him and as long as he treates her well I want her to be happy.
Now my 2nd best friend is someone that I hang out with a lot. We've gone camping and done so much together. And I've developed strong feelings for her as well. But I dont know if she has those feelings for me. And I'm waiting for a time to tell her, but I'm afraid for a few reasons. I've been here before and the result was always that person distancing themselves to the point where we're incomunicado. And then there's the issue of what if I'm having these feelings cuz I can't be with the first girl. I dont want to hurt her or end up being hurt myself. It's a mostly nice problem to have and I think eventually I'll get the nerve to do what I feel in my heart.
And that's really about it, cuz I'm tired now. I'll try to write more often on here though.
I know saying my mom's death as a good thing seems kinda wrong. But to those who dont know me well, you dont know the hell my life has been all the time she was alive. From a controlled childhood where I couldnt go out or do anything to an adulthood where I had to play the role of parent/caretaker to alzheimer's disease. Anyways it's over and a overwhelming feeling of freedom has come over. Yes there are still days when I feel awful and such. It's not over her, but I mean as rotten a person as she was, she was my mother. And nothing can change that.
And a lot of this has put my life into prospective. Yes I shouldnt rush into things, but sometimes you have to maybe take a chance which brings me to my next pleasant dilemma. (I say pleasant cuz it potentially could be a good thing, but a bad thing as well).
See it goes like this. I have 2 female best friends that I've known for a year now. Both are close to my heart and we're all close. But anyways one I originally had strong feelings for, but always knew she had a boyfriend of like 7 years. And i kept thinking that they'd break up or something, cuz he's not all that. But I've come to the realization that nothing can ever be with her, she wont ever leave him and as long as he treates her well I want her to be happy.
Now my 2nd best friend is someone that I hang out with a lot. We've gone camping and done so much together. And I've developed strong feelings for her as well. But I dont know if she has those feelings for me. And I'm waiting for a time to tell her, but I'm afraid for a few reasons. I've been here before and the result was always that person distancing themselves to the point where we're incomunicado. And then there's the issue of what if I'm having these feelings cuz I can't be with the first girl. I dont want to hurt her or end up being hurt myself. It's a mostly nice problem to have and I think eventually I'll get the nerve to do what I feel in my heart.
And that's really about it, cuz I'm tired now. I'll try to write more often on here though.