reverting
I dunno what is but lately I'm starting to feel like I once did and that's not necessarily a good thing. I'm stressed and just out of it and unhappy and anxious all at the same time.
I can prolly come up with reasons for it. I hate my job, cuz it's beneathe my abilities might be the root of it. And then there's the feeling that my boss is never going to promote me, cuz he's made false promises before and I see people with less experience and background put in more crucial and important positions in the company. It's one thing after 6 months, it's another thing after almost 2 years. I dunno if I'm suffering from an inferiority complex or that I'm tired of busting my butt and going nowhere. Ok I might sound overly melodramatic, but this is how I feel nowadays.
I can honestly say most of it has nothing to do with my mom having alzheimer's, although it's a burden watching her when my dad goes away on weekends. Not so much cuz she can do anything, but cuz she cries real loud and I dont know how to stop it. But that whole part of me I dealt with long ago and it's no longer an issue.
A lot of this also can be traced to a work incident. Basically the short end of it is this. Female employee accused me and another guy of having sexual harrassing conversation. Meanwhile I never said anything even close to sexual harrassing, was just in the wrong place at the wrong time pretty much. (basically was told I'm guilty of being in the room and not defending her, even though A) I'm not psychic, B) I'm not the damn PC Police and C) I never even said anything remotely to be confused with offensive sexually in conversation) And that feels like a big huge cloud over my head. And I know my boss prolly doesnt believe this woman, but ever since he yelled at me for it, I feel like the door has slammed shut on me, basically cuz people are nuts and like to cause trouble. And the whole irony is that almost all my friends are female, so it's like what kinda bullshit is this?
I'm just tired. Tired of it all. Some days I just feel like going in there and quitting and just spewing everything inside me. But the realist in me knows that it's not that easy to get another job, especially in today's market and work place. But I'm young enough to still have a choice in my life to do something drastic like that.
And I want to sitdown with my boss and discuss my role, but he's always mad and busy, so it's really hard to do such. Plus I foresee him making more false hopes and lies to me.
Maybe I just need to chill out and find that new part of me, that can't let all this stuff get in me like this. The part that isn't intimidated, doesnt give a shit, that just exists and goes strong.
Maybe I should write more or a daily journal or something of that effect. Might help me vent and feel better and such.
I can prolly come up with reasons for it. I hate my job, cuz it's beneathe my abilities might be the root of it. And then there's the feeling that my boss is never going to promote me, cuz he's made false promises before and I see people with less experience and background put in more crucial and important positions in the company. It's one thing after 6 months, it's another thing after almost 2 years. I dunno if I'm suffering from an inferiority complex or that I'm tired of busting my butt and going nowhere. Ok I might sound overly melodramatic, but this is how I feel nowadays.
I can honestly say most of it has nothing to do with my mom having alzheimer's, although it's a burden watching her when my dad goes away on weekends. Not so much cuz she can do anything, but cuz she cries real loud and I dont know how to stop it. But that whole part of me I dealt with long ago and it's no longer an issue.
A lot of this also can be traced to a work incident. Basically the short end of it is this. Female employee accused me and another guy of having sexual harrassing conversation. Meanwhile I never said anything even close to sexual harrassing, was just in the wrong place at the wrong time pretty much. (basically was told I'm guilty of being in the room and not defending her, even though A) I'm not psychic, B) I'm not the damn PC Police and C) I never even said anything remotely to be confused with offensive sexually in conversation) And that feels like a big huge cloud over my head. And I know my boss prolly doesnt believe this woman, but ever since he yelled at me for it, I feel like the door has slammed shut on me, basically cuz people are nuts and like to cause trouble. And the whole irony is that almost all my friends are female, so it's like what kinda bullshit is this?
I'm just tired. Tired of it all. Some days I just feel like going in there and quitting and just spewing everything inside me. But the realist in me knows that it's not that easy to get another job, especially in today's market and work place. But I'm young enough to still have a choice in my life to do something drastic like that.
And I want to sitdown with my boss and discuss my role, but he's always mad and busy, so it's really hard to do such. Plus I foresee him making more false hopes and lies to me.
Maybe I just need to chill out and find that new part of me, that can't let all this stuff get in me like this. The part that isn't intimidated, doesnt give a shit, that just exists and goes strong.
Maybe I should write more or a daily journal or something of that effect. Might help me vent and feel better and such.