confusion and I hate feeling sick
So now I think I have the beginnings of the flu. Just dandy. Nothing more than hate being sick. I hate just lying there in germs and such and all by myself really, cuz I don't want to infect anyone else and my dad is in chicago so house is all to myself.
Basically at work we have no space so if a few people are sick, everyone will get sick and so on. I'm feeling a bit better now, prolly well enough to go to work tomorrow (grudgingly went home a tad early today cuz I felt like I was gonna puke, pass out or both)
But this is all minor and even if I'm sick I'll fight through it like always.
But mentally and emotionally I'm fucked up too. I think I might need counseling again and a switch of meds. The current meds I take make me very sleepy. I have periods where my energy is high and others where I hate the world and I just don't want to do anything. I know I have a lot of unresolved issues, but I thought with my mom's passing i'd feel more whole and more complete. But I don't and I need to do something about it.
At least now I know i'm not alone if how I feel in general, cuz I know someone else who is going through the same thoughts and emotions. And I think we have a bond forming or already forged but now being renewed. And its nice cuz even my closest friends I cant have that with, they wouldnt understand completely and they havent known me as long.
Past few months to now my range of feelings and emotions are horny, hostile, pissed, sleepy, tired and just plain out of it. Sometimes those emotions are combined, but luckily I haven't done something stupid cuz of them (mostly the horny feeling, which is unbearable at times).
But as I mentioned I'm gonna get the help I need.
But it's more than that. Somewhere along the way I lost a sense of who I am and who I used to be. I was the smart nerdy kid and I hated it, but as time went on I realized being that kid is what I've always been. Through the various image cchnages, hairstyles, etc. Im still the same kid who had a photographic memory, who strived to be perfect, who didnt care about being a nerd. I just need to find that self again, hopefully counseling and something or someone else can help me regain my inner being.
Basically at work we have no space so if a few people are sick, everyone will get sick and so on. I'm feeling a bit better now, prolly well enough to go to work tomorrow (grudgingly went home a tad early today cuz I felt like I was gonna puke, pass out or both)
But this is all minor and even if I'm sick I'll fight through it like always.
But mentally and emotionally I'm fucked up too. I think I might need counseling again and a switch of meds. The current meds I take make me very sleepy. I have periods where my energy is high and others where I hate the world and I just don't want to do anything. I know I have a lot of unresolved issues, but I thought with my mom's passing i'd feel more whole and more complete. But I don't and I need to do something about it.
At least now I know i'm not alone if how I feel in general, cuz I know someone else who is going through the same thoughts and emotions. And I think we have a bond forming or already forged but now being renewed. And its nice cuz even my closest friends I cant have that with, they wouldnt understand completely and they havent known me as long.
Past few months to now my range of feelings and emotions are horny, hostile, pissed, sleepy, tired and just plain out of it. Sometimes those emotions are combined, but luckily I haven't done something stupid cuz of them (mostly the horny feeling, which is unbearable at times).
But as I mentioned I'm gonna get the help I need.
But it's more than that. Somewhere along the way I lost a sense of who I am and who I used to be. I was the smart nerdy kid and I hated it, but as time went on I realized being that kid is what I've always been. Through the various image cchnages, hairstyles, etc. Im still the same kid who had a photographic memory, who strived to be perfect, who didnt care about being a nerd. I just need to find that self again, hopefully counseling and something or someone else can help me regain my inner being.