(no subject)
I had a rough day. When do I not have a rough day.
Jessica dropped the bomb on me that she was unhappy with our relationship for over six months before she left me.
That seriously made me want to go home and eat all the sleeping pills I had in this apartment.
I opted for a beer at a near by hole in the wall instead. Fuck my medication. After that I kind of walked around and cried like a sappy bitch.
Got a pep talk phone call from Shae. Me and her have become really good friends. I'm glad we got out of that rough patch.
I can't believe she stayed with me for over six months while she was thinking about leaving me. I can't believe she would tell me she loved me and do the things we did with me while the whole time she was thinking about leaving me and unhappy about our relationship.
I just wish she would have talked to me instead of thinking I would just see. I was blind to my own fuck ups, there was no way I could have seen that she was as unhappy as she was. I mean, she put on like she was happy a lot.
This is driving me crazy.
I'm really thinking about taking a sleeper tomorrow morning and sleeping the day away.
I love my friends. They're always there for me.
I just can't believe this. I thought I had something. For over six months she was thinking of leaving me.
There was a moment we had when she looked me in the eyes and said she loved me and would never leave me. That was about less then a month before she left me.
I still love her. I guess a part of me always will. I'm not mad at her and the only thing I fault her for is not talking to me about this.
I guess she didn't because she didn't want it to work out. I guess she was just afraid to leave.
I swear, I pray every night that one day we'll be able to get back together. I pray every night for something good to happen to me.
It seems like the more I wish and pray the more bad things happen.
I really liked how we were talking all civil and stuff there for a while. It made me feel good.
I was told today that I'm awesome. That I'm a good guy. I really wish she thought that way. I'm not a bad guy. I never wanted to hurt her. Any mistake I made was because I was too stupid, blind, or stoned to see.
Shes not a bad person. I want the best for her. Most of the blame lies with me and the fucked up person I was then. I know she'll never see the changes I've gone through.
I know she doesn't read this anymore. I know she doesn't really care to.
I'm sorry I made things come to this.
I would have done anything to make her happy if I would have known things would have come to this.
I would still do anything.
I don't hate her but I'm pretty sure she doesn't think much of me.
Jessica dropped the bomb on me that she was unhappy with our relationship for over six months before she left me.
That seriously made me want to go home and eat all the sleeping pills I had in this apartment.
I opted for a beer at a near by hole in the wall instead. Fuck my medication. After that I kind of walked around and cried like a sappy bitch.
Got a pep talk phone call from Shae. Me and her have become really good friends. I'm glad we got out of that rough patch.
I can't believe she stayed with me for over six months while she was thinking about leaving me. I can't believe she would tell me she loved me and do the things we did with me while the whole time she was thinking about leaving me and unhappy about our relationship.
I just wish she would have talked to me instead of thinking I would just see. I was blind to my own fuck ups, there was no way I could have seen that she was as unhappy as she was. I mean, she put on like she was happy a lot.
This is driving me crazy.
I'm really thinking about taking a sleeper tomorrow morning and sleeping the day away.
I love my friends. They're always there for me.
I just can't believe this. I thought I had something. For over six months she was thinking of leaving me.
There was a moment we had when she looked me in the eyes and said she loved me and would never leave me. That was about less then a month before she left me.
I still love her. I guess a part of me always will. I'm not mad at her and the only thing I fault her for is not talking to me about this.
I guess she didn't because she didn't want it to work out. I guess she was just afraid to leave.
I swear, I pray every night that one day we'll be able to get back together. I pray every night for something good to happen to me.
It seems like the more I wish and pray the more bad things happen.
I really liked how we were talking all civil and stuff there for a while. It made me feel good.
I was told today that I'm awesome. That I'm a good guy. I really wish she thought that way. I'm not a bad guy. I never wanted to hurt her. Any mistake I made was because I was too stupid, blind, or stoned to see.
Shes not a bad person. I want the best for her. Most of the blame lies with me and the fucked up person I was then. I know she'll never see the changes I've gone through.
I know she doesn't read this anymore. I know she doesn't really care to.
I'm sorry I made things come to this.
I would have done anything to make her happy if I would have known things would have come to this.
I would still do anything.
I don't hate her but I'm pretty sure she doesn't think much of me.