Southwest Road Trip Day Eight
We left Surprise at 4am and made it to Blythe, CA at 6am. It was such a relief to be back in CA; no matter where. The nice thing about driving in the other states was the speed limit: 75/80 mph. So nice.
We drove through JT, Palm Springs and took a detour to my hometown. We arrived about 8:30am. We first drove to my high school. Mia was dying to see. The campus changed and there was a football stadium. My high school was only six years old when I graduated so there were some major improvements. All I know is that I am glad I am not there now.
We then drove the route I took to school everyday. I was so depressed in Hesperia. It changed for the worse: so trashy. 20 years ago people cared about their homes; now the place looked awful.
There were stores EVERYWHERE. I didn't recognize streets. We drove down my street and finally parked in front of my childhood home. To say it changed is an understatement. The house my father built was unrecognizable. The owners made it into a duplex and apartment in the back became a separate unit (units a/b/c). The house was pink. All of the trees were cut down except for the huge maple trees I used to play and hide in. The landscape was a mess and I saw remanants of the carefully placed bricks we put in so long ago. The cement planters around the trees were bucked and broken. The fence was broken. We used to hand paint the leaves on the fence. The giant 3 car garage in the back looked like a shitty shed; plywood in places. My dad built that garage to house his truck, his Cadillac, our motorcycles and RV. When the RV was sold I parked my car in the carport along with my mom's car. The dog kennel was still there. I pointed out my bedroom window to Mia. How many times did I use my window to leave the house and sneak back in? Ha Ha. The grape trees were gone. Only the small pine tree in the front remained from the lush orchard we had. It was really tall. It used to be my height. It was planted aroud the time we were born.
The lots adjacent to both sides of the house were full of trash. Those lots were our lots and created over an acre of land. The entire house and the neighborhood looked so much smaller than I remember. There was a new house built across the street. It was pristine desert we used to play in. There was a bike lane on the street and the most shocking part was the homeless man with his shopping cart hitting up the recycling bins. Our house used to be extremely isolated as we lived on the last street in the northern end of town. The next street was full of new shopping and our street was full of apartments. Basically, it went from a few houses to a commerical zone.
I was shocked. I didn't know how to feel about it. It has been about 17 years since I saw that house. It wasn't the same house. That place no longer exists. I feel cheated that I couldn't have the resolution I needed to heal the past. But, my feelings were not bad. I just knew that it was over. I made my peace with it. I beg to differ, you cannot always go home again. I will never go there again.
we left and then headed over to the Memorial Park where my father is buried. It took about 5 minutes to find his grave. It wasn't because I didn't know where it was. I couldn't find it because it had grass over growth, leaves covering it and very dirty. The memories of the funeral came to mind. This was the big event that changed everything. The good times went bad.
For all the talk my estranged brothers discuss about my dad they certainly had not made any effort to make sure his grave was clean. Mia and I started to clean it up. I had my Gerber multi tool in my glove box. I cut out the grass around the headstone (I think I did too much), I made sure the grass wouldn't cover it for some time. I cleaned the stone with some Wetones I had in the car. It was filthy. There was an errant bouquet by his grave. We picked it up and placed it into the ground next to his headstone. We cleaned up the leaves and then took pictures. It was nice to see it so clean. It had been weathered over these past 26 years.
I headed over to my friend's grave. Her parents decorated for xmas. She died on 2/15/1991; before we graduated. She was killed by a drunk driver. That night haunted me for years: I drove home drunk that night and lived. I slept in, hungover, until 5pm the next day when I got the news. I was devastated. We took community college classes together. We hung out. We talked everyday. The guilt is gone but it reinforced that my drinking habits were out of control for many years. Rest in peace my friend.
I told Mia that I wanted a few more minutes at my Dad's gravesite. She went into the car. I don't know what came over me but I started "talking" to my dad. It was nice to say things I needed to say; to release my blame on him, to acknowledge he was a good dad, talk about Mia, and tell him who I was. I don't believe in an afterlife or anything really but I needed to believe he was listening. I didn't cry but I left smiling.
We drove through the Mojave desert; the pristine part. I told Mia that this is what my home town looked like so long ago. It is how I will remember it.
We got lost in Palmdale; they moved the freeway. We just missed an accident. We made it to the 5 and started getting itchy to get home. We arrived at 5pm. We spent Xmas eve in the living room, passed out on the couches after our showers. We drove 20 hours on the 23rd and then 14 hours on xmas eve. We were DONE.
Overall, the roadtrip was pretty cool. Mia and I have decided we are going to hit all the states. More road trips planned for the future. It was great to see my sister; my only blood family I speak with. It was great to spend time with Mia; we didn't kill each other. In the end it was great to be back home.
We drove through JT, Palm Springs and took a detour to my hometown. We arrived about 8:30am. We first drove to my high school. Mia was dying to see. The campus changed and there was a football stadium. My high school was only six years old when I graduated so there were some major improvements. All I know is that I am glad I am not there now.
We then drove the route I took to school everyday. I was so depressed in Hesperia. It changed for the worse: so trashy. 20 years ago people cared about their homes; now the place looked awful.
There were stores EVERYWHERE. I didn't recognize streets. We drove down my street and finally parked in front of my childhood home. To say it changed is an understatement. The house my father built was unrecognizable. The owners made it into a duplex and apartment in the back became a separate unit (units a/b/c). The house was pink. All of the trees were cut down except for the huge maple trees I used to play and hide in. The landscape was a mess and I saw remanants of the carefully placed bricks we put in so long ago. The cement planters around the trees were bucked and broken. The fence was broken. We used to hand paint the leaves on the fence. The giant 3 car garage in the back looked like a shitty shed; plywood in places. My dad built that garage to house his truck, his Cadillac, our motorcycles and RV. When the RV was sold I parked my car in the carport along with my mom's car. The dog kennel was still there. I pointed out my bedroom window to Mia. How many times did I use my window to leave the house and sneak back in? Ha Ha. The grape trees were gone. Only the small pine tree in the front remained from the lush orchard we had. It was really tall. It used to be my height. It was planted aroud the time we were born.
The lots adjacent to both sides of the house were full of trash. Those lots were our lots and created over an acre of land. The entire house and the neighborhood looked so much smaller than I remember. There was a new house built across the street. It was pristine desert we used to play in. There was a bike lane on the street and the most shocking part was the homeless man with his shopping cart hitting up the recycling bins. Our house used to be extremely isolated as we lived on the last street in the northern end of town. The next street was full of new shopping and our street was full of apartments. Basically, it went from a few houses to a commerical zone.
I was shocked. I didn't know how to feel about it. It has been about 17 years since I saw that house. It wasn't the same house. That place no longer exists. I feel cheated that I couldn't have the resolution I needed to heal the past. But, my feelings were not bad. I just knew that it was over. I made my peace with it. I beg to differ, you cannot always go home again. I will never go there again.
we left and then headed over to the Memorial Park where my father is buried. It took about 5 minutes to find his grave. It wasn't because I didn't know where it was. I couldn't find it because it had grass over growth, leaves covering it and very dirty. The memories of the funeral came to mind. This was the big event that changed everything. The good times went bad.
For all the talk my estranged brothers discuss about my dad they certainly had not made any effort to make sure his grave was clean. Mia and I started to clean it up. I had my Gerber multi tool in my glove box. I cut out the grass around the headstone (I think I did too much), I made sure the grass wouldn't cover it for some time. I cleaned the stone with some Wetones I had in the car. It was filthy. There was an errant bouquet by his grave. We picked it up and placed it into the ground next to his headstone. We cleaned up the leaves and then took pictures. It was nice to see it so clean. It had been weathered over these past 26 years.
I headed over to my friend's grave. Her parents decorated for xmas. She died on 2/15/1991; before we graduated. She was killed by a drunk driver. That night haunted me for years: I drove home drunk that night and lived. I slept in, hungover, until 5pm the next day when I got the news. I was devastated. We took community college classes together. We hung out. We talked everyday. The guilt is gone but it reinforced that my drinking habits were out of control for many years. Rest in peace my friend.
I told Mia that I wanted a few more minutes at my Dad's gravesite. She went into the car. I don't know what came over me but I started "talking" to my dad. It was nice to say things I needed to say; to release my blame on him, to acknowledge he was a good dad, talk about Mia, and tell him who I was. I don't believe in an afterlife or anything really but I needed to believe he was listening. I didn't cry but I left smiling.
We drove through the Mojave desert; the pristine part. I told Mia that this is what my home town looked like so long ago. It is how I will remember it.
We got lost in Palmdale; they moved the freeway. We just missed an accident. We made it to the 5 and started getting itchy to get home. We arrived at 5pm. We spent Xmas eve in the living room, passed out on the couches after our showers. We drove 20 hours on the 23rd and then 14 hours on xmas eve. We were DONE.
Overall, the roadtrip was pretty cool. Mia and I have decided we are going to hit all the states. More road trips planned for the future. It was great to see my sister; my only blood family I speak with. It was great to spend time with Mia; we didn't kill each other. In the end it was great to be back home.