(no subject)
This is a type of post that I would normally share privately as opposed to publicly. However, I'm feeling so downtrodden that I don't even care anymore.
I feel like a giant fucking loser. That's pretty much the easiest way to put it.
I have been on sick leave from work because the amount of stress going on there was impacting my physical health (and still is). Yesterday, I was feeling well so I decided to go to work. I was there for about an hour and a half when "the powers that be" advised me that I would "need a doctor's note to return to work early", my note was up to and including November 1. I scoffed and said, "I'm astounded. Really. I have never worked at a place where I would need a doctor's note to come back to work if I'm feeling well." They kept insisting that that's the way it was; perhaps my doctor could fax a note right away. Hmmm. Ignoring the fact that doctors charge for notes? I said, "Or what, I go home?" They were surprised and said, "Uhhh...I guess so." I smirked and said, "Okay then." They left the room, I checked the bus schedule, and prepared to depart. I finished up a couple of small tasks. As I was packing my bag, one "power that be" sauntered in and asked for some scotch tape. As I was leaving (hey, I was instructed to!), I told her that my office-mate would help her with that as she was walking towards me. She said, "You couldn't get a hold of your doctor or (she) couldn't fax a letter or...?" I simply responded with, "No." She again asked me for something menial even as I was putting my coat on! I pointed to what she needed. She asked, "So maybe we'll see you tomorrow with a doctor's note or...?" I responded, "Maybe!" and left.
I know they're playing a game. There is a part of me that thinks, because they weren't expecting me back 'til Monday, they have something in store for my return. Termination papers, perhaps? When I had handed in my doctor's note, I included a letter outlining my concerns that they expect me to additionally take on the workload of 2 other full-time staff. Apparently, it doesn't matter what I think or how I feel because all I was told was, "Your scope will be broadening and we can talk about that later." Super.
So I'm stressed to the fucking balls and suffering from situational depression. However, it seems the vast majority of staff are, too. Not that that makes things any better because, hey, at least they're unionized. I feel like a giant fucking loser even though I truly know that this isn't my fault or some wrongdoing on my part. I feel hopeless. I feel helpless. I feel impotent. I cry at the drop of a dime and, in fact, I'm wiping away tears while I write this.
And I am furious at the ones who are to blame for all this going down.
I feel like a giant fucking loser. That's pretty much the easiest way to put it.
I have been on sick leave from work because the amount of stress going on there was impacting my physical health (and still is). Yesterday, I was feeling well so I decided to go to work. I was there for about an hour and a half when "the powers that be" advised me that I would "need a doctor's note to return to work early", my note was up to and including November 1. I scoffed and said, "I'm astounded. Really. I have never worked at a place where I would need a doctor's note to come back to work if I'm feeling well." They kept insisting that that's the way it was; perhaps my doctor could fax a note right away. Hmmm. Ignoring the fact that doctors charge for notes? I said, "Or what, I go home?" They were surprised and said, "Uhhh...I guess so." I smirked and said, "Okay then." They left the room, I checked the bus schedule, and prepared to depart. I finished up a couple of small tasks. As I was packing my bag, one "power that be" sauntered in and asked for some scotch tape. As I was leaving (hey, I was instructed to!), I told her that my office-mate would help her with that as she was walking towards me. She said, "You couldn't get a hold of your doctor or (she) couldn't fax a letter or...?" I simply responded with, "No." She again asked me for something menial even as I was putting my coat on! I pointed to what she needed. She asked, "So maybe we'll see you tomorrow with a doctor's note or...?" I responded, "Maybe!" and left.
I know they're playing a game. There is a part of me that thinks, because they weren't expecting me back 'til Monday, they have something in store for my return. Termination papers, perhaps? When I had handed in my doctor's note, I included a letter outlining my concerns that they expect me to additionally take on the workload of 2 other full-time staff. Apparently, it doesn't matter what I think or how I feel because all I was told was, "Your scope will be broadening and we can talk about that later." Super.
So I'm stressed to the fucking balls and suffering from situational depression. However, it seems the vast majority of staff are, too. Not that that makes things any better because, hey, at least they're unionized. I feel like a giant fucking loser even though I truly know that this isn't my fault or some wrongdoing on my part. I feel hopeless. I feel helpless. I feel impotent. I cry at the drop of a dime and, in fact, I'm wiping away tears while I write this.
And I am furious at the ones who are to blame for all this going down.