premature post partum
the past few days i've been feeling not right. I dont know what exactly it is. Maybe it's just jitters from the baby almost being here.
I feel like a failure. I feel like i've failed this baby already. I didn't do it right. I didn't make sure that they were coming into a settled home. I can;t even promise the baby that they'll have a daddy around for sure. And i was going to apply to school in the fall but I just wont be able to handle school and a full time job. and taking care of the baby. So how am i ever goign to give this child a decent life?
All my mother ecan say to me is "i'm sure glad i'm leaving the country."
I dont think she even wants this baby in her house at all. even if it is only a few weeks. Because it has 13 alleles in common with "that thing", as she calls him.
i just want this to all be over. i wan tto fast foreward to amonth from now or however long it takes me to get out of this house and be on my own.
Everyone is so excited for this baby and i know i should be too... i just ...i'm too overwhelmed with everything else.
fuck.
I want to be excited. why can;t i get excited?
I'm a bad mom already.
I feel like a failure. I feel like i've failed this baby already. I didn't do it right. I didn't make sure that they were coming into a settled home. I can;t even promise the baby that they'll have a daddy around for sure. And i was going to apply to school in the fall but I just wont be able to handle school and a full time job. and taking care of the baby. So how am i ever goign to give this child a decent life?
All my mother ecan say to me is "i'm sure glad i'm leaving the country."
I dont think she even wants this baby in her house at all. even if it is only a few weeks. Because it has 13 alleles in common with "that thing", as she calls him.
i just want this to all be over. i wan tto fast foreward to amonth from now or however long it takes me to get out of this house and be on my own.
Everyone is so excited for this baby and i know i should be too... i just ...i'm too overwhelmed with everything else.
fuck.
I want to be excited. why can;t i get excited?
I'm a bad mom already.