(no subject)
im so stupid.
im frustrated with her because she doesnt know what she wants...when really im the one who is indecisive. i dont know what to do. i dont know what i want. im torn between whether i really want her or if im just looking for a quick fix. and if the latter, is it worth all the trouble? i came back thinking things would be better because we both had time away to think about things. she said she missed me but she doesnt act like it. she doesnt show any emotions it seems like. all i do is get mad at her when she starts talking to all these guys. she says she ditches her friends to hang out with me...i do the same thing. we actually hang out with her friends more. i try to get her to hang out with the boys but she either doesnt come along or acts like a bitch towards them. they dont like her. i want them to see the good side of her though. its different when we are by ourselves. its great. she says its hard not to hold back from even the smallest thing as holding hands and that makes me happy. then i find out she has decided to get engaged with her ex. wtf? it makes me so frusterated. its like im her whatever until he gets up here. im her toy to occupy her so that she doesnt get bored. its my fault for letting her do this but sometimes i like the attention. its been really lonely up here and its nice to have someone show some sort of affection toward me. ahhhhh!! i need to talk to her about whats going on between us and she always changes the subject. it would be easy if nothing had happened between us, if we just flirted and thats it, but im not that lucky...things have happened and i can see it in her expressions that she cares but how much? she doesnt ever want to talk about it and i need to know where this is all going before i can decide if its worth it. i need to get orders outta here. i need a fresh start anywhere but here.
on another much crazier note...i had the most awesome and random dream about a place called rice lake, WI. its an actual place and i have never heard of it or been there until my dream last night. the boys were there and i was a frequent visitor of this store where some girls worked. there was one girl in particular who i seemed to have a relationship with. do you ever wonder if you can see future events in your dreams? i dont know but i thought it was weird as hell.
im frustrated with her because she doesnt know what she wants...when really im the one who is indecisive. i dont know what to do. i dont know what i want. im torn between whether i really want her or if im just looking for a quick fix. and if the latter, is it worth all the trouble? i came back thinking things would be better because we both had time away to think about things. she said she missed me but she doesnt act like it. she doesnt show any emotions it seems like. all i do is get mad at her when she starts talking to all these guys. she says she ditches her friends to hang out with me...i do the same thing. we actually hang out with her friends more. i try to get her to hang out with the boys but she either doesnt come along or acts like a bitch towards them. they dont like her. i want them to see the good side of her though. its different when we are by ourselves. its great. she says its hard not to hold back from even the smallest thing as holding hands and that makes me happy. then i find out she has decided to get engaged with her ex. wtf? it makes me so frusterated. its like im her whatever until he gets up here. im her toy to occupy her so that she doesnt get bored. its my fault for letting her do this but sometimes i like the attention. its been really lonely up here and its nice to have someone show some sort of affection toward me. ahhhhh!! i need to talk to her about whats going on between us and she always changes the subject. it would be easy if nothing had happened between us, if we just flirted and thats it, but im not that lucky...things have happened and i can see it in her expressions that she cares but how much? she doesnt ever want to talk about it and i need to know where this is all going before i can decide if its worth it. i need to get orders outta here. i need a fresh start anywhere but here.
on another much crazier note...i had the most awesome and random dream about a place called rice lake, WI. its an actual place and i have never heard of it or been there until my dream last night. the boys were there and i was a frequent visitor of this store where some girls worked. there was one girl in particular who i seemed to have a relationship with. do you ever wonder if you can see future events in your dreams? i dont know but i thought it was weird as hell.