I used to believe in love
Don't kill me please, I know I've been gone ages but I'm back now :D Hopefully I haven't been forgotten. Please leave a comment and tell me what you think of this, I'm thinking of using it for an essay in English but changing the names and stuff so it isn't a siophie fic but please let me know if you think it's good or bad, I can take criticism :)If you want to hate on me for being away feel free ;)
I sat and cried, my back against the wall facing the bedroom door. That’s all my body could do at that precise moment in time. The moment I heard them I knew it was over between us. I don’t know why I made myself hurt more than I already was doing. I suppose I needed to listen longer. I needed to hate her. I’ll never forget the look of shock on her face when she came out of the room. Our room. Used to be ours anyway, it’s just mine now. I didn’t move, I just stared into her eyes waiting for her to speak. For the previous twenty minutes I had tortured myself listening to the mixture of their moans. The house was filled with silence. Our house. We’d only moved in six months earlier. At the time I thought it was my fault. I was the one who lied and told her I was working. I was the one who came home early to surprise her. I was the one that was stupid enough to believe she really meant it when she told me she loved me. I was the one who was going to propose. I don’t believe in love. Not anymore. I used to, before her. Ten minutes had gone by and she still hadn’t spoken. I didn’t know what to say so I didn’t say anything. All I could do was stare at her in her silk robe, the one I brought her, not for a birthday present or anything, I just brought it because I knew she liked it. I’d have done anything for her, she knew that. Another five minutes and things changed rapidly. Amber walked up behind Sophie asking what she was doing. She was in my dressing gown, mine. I had never experienced pain like it before. I jumped up, tears pouring from my face. I ran, all I could hear was the moans that I had heard since I had stepped into the house. I clutched my chest as I ran. My heart actually hurt, like physical pain. I know it sounds pathetic but it’s the way it was. Finding out that the person you thought you could trust your life with has cheated on you kills you inside. You never forget it. I stopped when I got a few streets away after noticing neither of them had followed me because they were naked under the miniscule clothes they were both wearing. I curled my body into a ball on the pavement and let my heart free itself. What was I supposed to do. When I pulled up in the driveway I had thought to myself ‘This is the day’ I was so nervous yet excited at the same time. I unlocked the door and regretted it less than a minute after. Sitting here now their moans still ring throughout my ears. I miss her so much it pains me. I never know how to act around her now, I see her on my side of the street and cross over just to avoid her. I never use the shop no more incase Amber is working. I hate living on my own, it feels as if a piece of me is missing. After about half an hour I decided to go back to our house, the house that I had brought because she was still paying off her dad at the time. I knocked on the door. Not soft or loud, just a normal knock. When she opened the door I realised she hadn’t even been crying. I walked up the stairs not speaking at all. Calmly I packed her clothes into our suitcase. She hadn’t followed me up. ‘Bet she thinks I’m packing my things’ I thought aloud. ‘Couldn’t be more wrong’ I slightly laughed. The fact she had shown no remorse made it so much easier for me to kick her out. I dragged the suitcase down to the hall and opened the front door. “You’re leaving?” I heard her voice behind me. I turned to face her before speaking. I took her features in once more before speaking. “No. You are.” I stated. A tear slid down her cheek and I thought I would have felt guilty but I didn’t, not one bit. She had cheated on me. There was no going back in my opinion. Of course my love for her will never leave me, it’s an impossible task, but I will heal over time. “Where am I supposed to go?” She whispered. “You have a family don’t you?” I spoke. She took a few steps and was walking out through the door when it hit me. I’ve lost her. I had lost the one person I depended on more than life itself. She turned back to look me in the eyes once she had stepped out. “I’m sorry” She whimpered like a lost puppy. “This wasn’t meant to happen.” A few stray tears fell from both our eyes. “What wasn’t Sophie? You cheating on me or me catching you? Would you have told me? I can’t see that conversation happening if I’m honest, can you?” I was near breaking point then but I don’t even know why. She had hurt me, not the other way around. She didn’t reply. “I was going to propse you know? That’s why I came home early. That’s the only reason I caught you. That breaks my heart Sophie and you don’t even have the decency to reply to me. Just go please.” I was now a broken girl. The old, happy me was just a figment of my imagination ever since then. She just walked away. She didn’t even put up a fight, just left. I haven’t spoken to her since and it’s killing me inside but I know I have to be strong. I can’t be hurt again. I know it was a one-off with Amber, a spur of the moment thing but I can’t help thinking ‘What if it happens again?’ ‘What do I do then?’ 2 months that we’ve been separated now and I wouldn’t expect my feelings to go away just like that, we’d been together for 4 years that day. I would expect my feelings to lessen but that’s a little too hard for my body to handle. All I seem to want to do is grab her and tell her I still love her. I know that can never happen. I’m just a broken shell off a girl. I don’t think I’ll ever find anybody to love as much as her. I don’t believe strong enough in love to love somebody else. I’ll always be scared of getting hurt again.
I sat and cried, my back against the wall facing the bedroom door. That’s all my body could do at that precise moment in time. The moment I heard them I knew it was over between us. I don’t know why I made myself hurt more than I already was doing. I suppose I needed to listen longer. I needed to hate her. I’ll never forget the look of shock on her face when she came out of the room. Our room. Used to be ours anyway, it’s just mine now. I didn’t move, I just stared into her eyes waiting for her to speak. For the previous twenty minutes I had tortured myself listening to the mixture of their moans. The house was filled with silence. Our house. We’d only moved in six months earlier. At the time I thought it was my fault. I was the one who lied and told her I was working. I was the one who came home early to surprise her. I was the one that was stupid enough to believe she really meant it when she told me she loved me. I was the one who was going to propose. I don’t believe in love. Not anymore. I used to, before her. Ten minutes had gone by and she still hadn’t spoken. I didn’t know what to say so I didn’t say anything. All I could do was stare at her in her silk robe, the one I brought her, not for a birthday present or anything, I just brought it because I knew she liked it. I’d have done anything for her, she knew that. Another five minutes and things changed rapidly. Amber walked up behind Sophie asking what she was doing. She was in my dressing gown, mine. I had never experienced pain like it before. I jumped up, tears pouring from my face. I ran, all I could hear was the moans that I had heard since I had stepped into the house. I clutched my chest as I ran. My heart actually hurt, like physical pain. I know it sounds pathetic but it’s the way it was. Finding out that the person you thought you could trust your life with has cheated on you kills you inside. You never forget it. I stopped when I got a few streets away after noticing neither of them had followed me because they were naked under the miniscule clothes they were both wearing. I curled my body into a ball on the pavement and let my heart free itself. What was I supposed to do. When I pulled up in the driveway I had thought to myself ‘This is the day’ I was so nervous yet excited at the same time. I unlocked the door and regretted it less than a minute after. Sitting here now their moans still ring throughout my ears. I miss her so much it pains me. I never know how to act around her now, I see her on my side of the street and cross over just to avoid her. I never use the shop no more incase Amber is working. I hate living on my own, it feels as if a piece of me is missing. After about half an hour I decided to go back to our house, the house that I had brought because she was still paying off her dad at the time. I knocked on the door. Not soft or loud, just a normal knock. When she opened the door I realised she hadn’t even been crying. I walked up the stairs not speaking at all. Calmly I packed her clothes into our suitcase. She hadn’t followed me up. ‘Bet she thinks I’m packing my things’ I thought aloud. ‘Couldn’t be more wrong’ I slightly laughed. The fact she had shown no remorse made it so much easier for me to kick her out. I dragged the suitcase down to the hall and opened the front door. “You’re leaving?” I heard her voice behind me. I turned to face her before speaking. I took her features in once more before speaking. “No. You are.” I stated. A tear slid down her cheek and I thought I would have felt guilty but I didn’t, not one bit. She had cheated on me. There was no going back in my opinion. Of course my love for her will never leave me, it’s an impossible task, but I will heal over time. “Where am I supposed to go?” She whispered. “You have a family don’t you?” I spoke. She took a few steps and was walking out through the door when it hit me. I’ve lost her. I had lost the one person I depended on more than life itself. She turned back to look me in the eyes once she had stepped out. “I’m sorry” She whimpered like a lost puppy. “This wasn’t meant to happen.” A few stray tears fell from both our eyes. “What wasn’t Sophie? You cheating on me or me catching you? Would you have told me? I can’t see that conversation happening if I’m honest, can you?” I was near breaking point then but I don’t even know why. She had hurt me, not the other way around. She didn’t reply. “I was going to propse you know? That’s why I came home early. That’s the only reason I caught you. That breaks my heart Sophie and you don’t even have the decency to reply to me. Just go please.” I was now a broken girl. The old, happy me was just a figment of my imagination ever since then. She just walked away. She didn’t even put up a fight, just left. I haven’t spoken to her since and it’s killing me inside but I know I have to be strong. I can’t be hurt again. I know it was a one-off with Amber, a spur of the moment thing but I can’t help thinking ‘What if it happens again?’ ‘What do I do then?’ 2 months that we’ve been separated now and I wouldn’t expect my feelings to go away just like that, we’d been together for 4 years that day. I would expect my feelings to lessen but that’s a little too hard for my body to handle. All I seem to want to do is grab her and tell her I still love her. I know that can never happen. I’m just a broken shell off a girl. I don’t think I’ll ever find anybody to love as much as her. I don’t believe strong enough in love to love somebody else. I’ll always be scared of getting hurt again.