What is the sauce, kids?

[sinsense]

New default icon, courtesy of stereomer. I quote: "DRINK THAT BOOZE, SMOKE THAT BLUNT, WALK THAT BITCH."

Let's talk about what is up, LJ. What the haps are. What boogie is going down. Here is a convenient list:

• My grandmother died. I know, this is old news -- five days is eighty-two years, in internet time -- but it turns out I am still kind of sad and weird about it. It turns out that I have human emotions sometimes. I wish this would happen when it is convenient to my needs, like when I am trying to get laid or whatever.
  
  
• My cousin is staying at my apartment. He is rocking awesome for several reasons, of which I will give you two:
  
  • He is a complete weirdo hosebeast introvert-disguised-as-an-extrovert, meaning that we get along swimmingly. ("Do you drink coffee?" I asked. "Yup," he said. "Cream and sugar?" I asked. "Noooooooo-o-o," he said. Then we engaged the high five.)
    
  • It is like having a six-foot swarthy space heater in bed with me at night. Rather, like a six-foot swarthy space heater that is getting a PhD in computational physics because "string theory was just too crazy competitive, man, I want to have friends." (I think we've all had to make that call about string theory at some point in our lives, right? It's practically cliched, it's so common! 'Sure, I'm smart enough to bend the universe in half with math, but do I really want to do that all the time? Better that I map the physics of computer data, instead, that way I have time to paint the bathroom WITH MY BRAIN.' Happened to me three times yesterday.)
• The funeral for my Grammary is tomorrow, on New Year's Eve. I am supposed to go to a party afterward, but I think I am going to skip it. It is a party called "The New Year's Drunkstravaganza," and while that sounds like a real shindig for my stomach lining, I don't really feel like doing it up.
  
  
• I am still sick with an upper respiratory infection. It sucks to talk.
  
  
• I went to a little party last night. Over the course of the night, I was the most socially awkward person to ever awkward socially. I wanted to staple my hand to my forehead. Probably no one noticed; or, if they did, it was only a fleeting impression. Still, it was painfully obvious to me, and I am the star of this movie.
  
  
• I am putting up my friend's cat for three weeks. It has been something like a week thus far. The cat developed a cold. I took him to the vet, because he was snot-a-licious. The vet said that his cold is nothing to worry about; what is to worry about, however, is the solid mass in his stomach. They took x-rays, and it is either a massive hairball or a tumor. If I want to make sure it's a hairball, I would have to order an ultrasound, which cost a reasonable three hundred and twenty dollars (wtaf). Either way, if it does not go away soon they will have to "surgically correct it," which is vet-speak for "ask you for more money and decision-making." Good thing that making money and making decisions are my two biggest strengths! (<-- A LIE.)
  
  
• His owner is all the way up in Canadia, and hasn't called or emailed me yet.
  
  
• My kitten is not sick, because he knows what's good for him.
  
  
• I am reading a lot of stories by Poe right now, because they are quick and easy and make me feel productive.
  
  
• I think I am going to take a nap, and then read some more Poe, and then work on learning Spanish for my translation exam. I am really excited about the nap, at least. I am going to sleep it up.

So what's down in your neighborhood? Let me in on your hep jive, cool cats.

EDIT: First fifteen (or howevermany, I am not picky) people to comment get a comment fic (if you want it). Please offer pairing and some sort of inspiration, because I am lame and uninspired. Fandoms: MCR, the Used, FOB, Panic if you don't mind that I suck at characterization, Bourne, Keen Eddie, Psych, Little Men, others that you probably know about already.

(Speaking of comment fic, arsenicjade, I want you to know that I'm working on that thing that I started writing for you aaaaages ago. I didn't forget, I swear.)