Let's tack up pictures on your skin.
It's been a rough couple of days for me. The answer is clearly a picspam.
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Would you like a statement of the obvious?
I got your statement of the obvious right here!
This is putatively an attempt to figure out what the hell the order of Jeph's tattoos are. It's academic! It's for science! Put on your lab coat, my friends.
---
Let's start at the beginning. This is tiny Jeph. He is unbesmirched! He is a meritorious Cub Scout!
Baby Jeph's interests include: being fresh-faced, helping old ladies, wearing clothes his mom picked out.
---
As he grew older, Jeph's interests changed. Let us refer to a picture of Jeph with Branden, circa Dumb Luck (the band that eventually reformed as The Used).
Jeph's interests now include: white boy dreads, Hunter S. Thompson, being a dudebro, Branden's ugly hat, drinking. Note that he does not yet have the neck or chest tattoos, but he has started the sleeve with the aquatic life/octopus images. (This picture has been flipped from the original by someone; Jeph's sleeve is on his right arm.) He hasn't had his ears stretched yet.
By the time they're taking promo shots for The Used's first album, Jeph has the neck tattoo -- more on that below -- and has his earlobes stretched. In his right ear (shown) he's got another piercing about midway up the ear, a conch piercing, I think. In his left ear, he has a daith piercing and a helix piercing (up at the top of the ear). [After some debate, evocatory brings a diagram that makes me accept the rook theory. To sum up, however: ears are weirdly shaped, I seriously have no idea how they're organized, and you guys are braver than me to try and understand them.]
Details on the neck tattoo. The lucky horseshoe, a devil (left), and an angel (right).
Around the same era (first album): no hating-women chest tattoo, and no typewriter, so he obviously got the neck tattoo first. Some sort of tattoo on his left shoulder, which remains the lone one for a while. No snakebites, but his nipples are pierced and, I think, stretched.
Further evidence of the above. I don't think he's gotten the black skulls on his elbows yet, either.
He gets the snakebites after the ear-gauging and after the first neck tattoo, but before the batacle on the front of his neck.
Evidence of the left-ear piercings. No batacle, but his right arm sleeve is pretty much complete.
Neck tattoo, no batacle, full right sleeve, demon typewriter, and hating-women tattoo on his chest. No hand tattoos as of yet. Nipples are still pierced.
I used to think that he got the batacle after Branden left the band, but no:
No batacle here.
But later, batacle! Mustache and gold tooth come into play around this time, though obvs not in this picture.
He didn't have the batacle while he was dating Katie Cupcake:
For the record. She's post the chest piece, then, but before the drummer switch. (Katie Cupcake is his Suicide Girl ex-girlfriend, the one who pegged him and then blogged about it.)
He gets the batacle on the front of his neck before he gets his hands done.
This is around the time of Warped 2005, when Bob was with MCR and Bert was with Gerard. (I don't know what the tattoo on his calf is; I have other shots of it, but there's nothing clear.)
Which leads me to the midpoint, which is the point where a magazine profiled his tattoos.
This shows that he's got a back piece going on (of course), a full sleeve on his right arm, the skulls stamped on his elbows, the chest piece he got when he was finished with women for a while (ahahaha canon), the batacle (bat+tentacles), the back of the neck piece, the tea lip tattoo, the zombie behind his ear, and the squirrel on his leg. (Leg tattoos he talks about in this interview: squirrel reaching for his nuts, a zombie with his head stuffed in a gramaphone, vampire Elvis eating a moldy peanut butter sandwich.) No knuckle tattoos yet, nor the decapitated unicorn. It looks like he's started to tattoo the back of his hands.
He gets a robot who's opening his belly up to spill out his entrails after this profile, on his right thigh.
NSFW IMAGE BELOW.
From a screenshot of the Pretty Handsome Awkward video, when Jeph's in a dress (I repeat: ahahaha canon).
This leads me to believe that the rumors of his cock sleeve are greatly exaggerated. (However, I continue to live in hope.) He doesn't appear to have his (canonical, see below) jewelry in, in this shot.
He also gets his hand tattoos after that magazine profile is done. He starts off with the lightning bolt, "please" on both palms, and the Medusa head on one hand.
(This shot also shows you that at the bottom of the zombie hand on his chest, the word "trust" is written. Oh, Jeph.)
Another shot of the Medusa:
Then he gets a dagger tattooed on his knuckles:
This is a "trick" tattoo, and it's the dorkiest thing I've ever seen. It's Steven from SURS's favorite tattoo of Jepha's; I think he said at one point that he makes Jepha show him it every time he comes on Steven's show.
Jeph talks about the double lightning bolt he had tattooed on his middle finger during this video, and seems to have his hands fully tattooed; at this time, he gets the decapitated unicorn head tattooed on his left leg.
Jepha has "HAND" and "SOME" tattooed on his knuckles, above the dagger.
There are diamonds in each letter, and the O in "SOME" is a diamond. Loser! Note date on the last photo; this is around Lies for the Liars. He's started serious work on his left sleeve around now. Also around this time, he goes on Loveline and talks about his P.A. piercing; he notes that he used to have two, but took one of them out at an unspecified date.
Around this time, I think he gets the word "CHOKE" tattooed on his neck. I think it's after the "HANDSOME" knuckle tattoos, but don't quote me on that. [edit: strange_house suggests around the Taste of Chaos tour for the "Choke" tattoo.]
---
So that pretty much wraps up the scientific portion of this post. What follows is gratuitous picspamming with stupid comments. Clearly you will want to take the first exit, as you are a highly scientific individual with only the highest principles in mind.
They started out so young and on meth. Oh, those halcyon days!
It only gets grottier from here on out. (Side note: is anyone other than helluvalot and I more attracted to Quinn now that he's going bald? No? Okay then.)
Jeph, with goat, and gold tooth. This is actually my favorite picture of him. I love goats and nerds.
Jeph probably does not have an ass tattoo.
Nerdcore.
I love all of the shots from this concert.
Oh yes, all of the shots from this concert.
Jeph's crotch shines forth with a holy light.
All of the pictures from this set were so fantastic. I should make a zip file of them at some point, for ease of ogling.
Small dark and scruffy: my favorite. You can see the tattoo on his left wrist better here: the monsterdude's tongue is a road! This pleases me.
While Jeph's looks may have changed since his Dumb Luck days, his interests have not.
Jeph would also like you to know that he is interested in fingering.
...bass guitar fingering, you perv!
These are the equivalent of Ryan Ross's jailbaity LJ photos, but taken when Jepha was at least twenty-five. The Used: get older, not wiser.
Because he's worth it.
Stupid hot.
Stupid stupid.
I should not be intrigued by a banana hammock wearing dude. And yet.
I love this series, obviously.
I like it when he actually smiles in pictures.
How very reflective.
Random, but Bob has this design on a sweatshirt, as does Frank, I think?
It's a MySpace kind of love.
Not that there's anything wrong with stupid MySpace shots.
Jeph reviews the videotape. Let's see it in slo-mo!
---
I had a whole separate picspam I'm thinking about, that's just Jeph with tourist trap statues:
But that would be waaaay too long.
At least he's not a furry?
Dammit.
Well, then the Used are going to have to be happy with being the well-hated weirdos of bandom.
But do they give a shit? No:
They're too high to give a shit. Or drive. Or do anything but giggle and fuck.
The end.
---
Would you like a statement of the obvious?
I got your statement of the obvious right here!
This is putatively an attempt to figure out what the hell the order of Jeph's tattoos are. It's academic! It's for science! Put on your lab coat, my friends.
---
Let's start at the beginning. This is tiny Jeph. He is unbesmirched! He is a meritorious Cub Scout!
Baby Jeph's interests include: being fresh-faced, helping old ladies, wearing clothes his mom picked out.
---
As he grew older, Jeph's interests changed. Let us refer to a picture of Jeph with Branden, circa Dumb Luck (the band that eventually reformed as The Used).
Jeph's interests now include: white boy dreads, Hunter S. Thompson, being a dudebro, Branden's ugly hat, drinking. Note that he does not yet have the neck or chest tattoos, but he has started the sleeve with the aquatic life/octopus images. (This picture has been flipped from the original by someone; Jeph's sleeve is on his right arm.) He hasn't had his ears stretched yet.
By the time they're taking promo shots for The Used's first album, Jeph has the neck tattoo -- more on that below -- and has his earlobes stretched. In his right ear (shown) he's got another piercing about midway up the ear, a conch piercing, I think. In his left ear, he has a daith piercing and a helix piercing (up at the top of the ear). [After some debate, evocatory brings a diagram that makes me accept the rook theory. To sum up, however: ears are weirdly shaped, I seriously have no idea how they're organized, and you guys are braver than me to try and understand them.]
Details on the neck tattoo. The lucky horseshoe, a devil (left), and an angel (right).
Around the same era (first album): no hating-women chest tattoo, and no typewriter, so he obviously got the neck tattoo first. Some sort of tattoo on his left shoulder, which remains the lone one for a while. No snakebites, but his nipples are pierced and, I think, stretched.
Further evidence of the above. I don't think he's gotten the black skulls on his elbows yet, either.
He gets the snakebites after the ear-gauging and after the first neck tattoo, but before the batacle on the front of his neck.
Evidence of the left-ear piercings. No batacle, but his right arm sleeve is pretty much complete.
Neck tattoo, no batacle, full right sleeve, demon typewriter, and hating-women tattoo on his chest. No hand tattoos as of yet. Nipples are still pierced.
I used to think that he got the batacle after Branden left the band, but no:
No batacle here.
But later, batacle! Mustache and gold tooth come into play around this time, though obvs not in this picture.
He didn't have the batacle while he was dating Katie Cupcake:
For the record. She's post the chest piece, then, but before the drummer switch. (Katie Cupcake is his Suicide Girl ex-girlfriend, the one who pegged him and then blogged about it.)
He gets the batacle on the front of his neck before he gets his hands done.
This is around the time of Warped 2005, when Bob was with MCR and Bert was with Gerard. (I don't know what the tattoo on his calf is; I have other shots of it, but there's nothing clear.)
Which leads me to the midpoint, which is the point where a magazine profiled his tattoos.
This shows that he's got a back piece going on (of course), a full sleeve on his right arm, the skulls stamped on his elbows, the chest piece he got when he was finished with women for a while (ahahaha canon), the batacle (bat+tentacles), the back of the neck piece, the tea lip tattoo, the zombie behind his ear, and the squirrel on his leg. (Leg tattoos he talks about in this interview: squirrel reaching for his nuts, a zombie with his head stuffed in a gramaphone, vampire Elvis eating a moldy peanut butter sandwich.) No knuckle tattoos yet, nor the decapitated unicorn. It looks like he's started to tattoo the back of his hands.
He gets a robot who's opening his belly up to spill out his entrails after this profile, on his right thigh.
NSFW IMAGE BELOW.
From a screenshot of the Pretty Handsome Awkward video, when Jeph's in a dress (I repeat: ahahaha canon).
This leads me to believe that the rumors of his cock sleeve are greatly exaggerated. (However, I continue to live in hope.) He doesn't appear to have his (canonical, see below) jewelry in, in this shot.
He also gets his hand tattoos after that magazine profile is done. He starts off with the lightning bolt, "please" on both palms, and the Medusa head on one hand.
(This shot also shows you that at the bottom of the zombie hand on his chest, the word "trust" is written. Oh, Jeph.)
Another shot of the Medusa:
Then he gets a dagger tattooed on his knuckles:
This is a "trick" tattoo, and it's the dorkiest thing I've ever seen. It's Steven from SURS's favorite tattoo of Jepha's; I think he said at one point that he makes Jepha show him it every time he comes on Steven's show.
Click to view
Jeph talks about the double lightning bolt he had tattooed on his middle finger during this video, and seems to have his hands fully tattooed; at this time, he gets the decapitated unicorn head tattooed on his left leg.
Jepha has "HAND" and "SOME" tattooed on his knuckles, above the dagger.
There are diamonds in each letter, and the O in "SOME" is a diamond. Loser! Note date on the last photo; this is around Lies for the Liars. He's started serious work on his left sleeve around now. Also around this time, he goes on Loveline and talks about his P.A. piercing; he notes that he used to have two, but took one of them out at an unspecified date.
Around this time, I think he gets the word "CHOKE" tattooed on his neck. I think it's after the "HANDSOME" knuckle tattoos, but don't quote me on that. [edit: strange_house suggests around the Taste of Chaos tour for the "Choke" tattoo.]
---
So that pretty much wraps up the scientific portion of this post. What follows is gratuitous picspamming with stupid comments. Clearly you will want to take the first exit, as you are a highly scientific individual with only the highest principles in mind.
They started out so young and on meth. Oh, those halcyon days!
It only gets grottier from here on out. (Side note: is anyone other than helluvalot and I more attracted to Quinn now that he's going bald? No? Okay then.)
Jeph, with goat, and gold tooth. This is actually my favorite picture of him. I love goats and nerds.
Jeph probably does not have an ass tattoo.
Nerdcore.
I love all of the shots from this concert.
Oh yes, all of the shots from this concert.
Jeph's crotch shines forth with a holy light.
All of the pictures from this set were so fantastic. I should make a zip file of them at some point, for ease of ogling.
Small dark and scruffy: my favorite. You can see the tattoo on his left wrist better here: the monsterdude's tongue is a road! This pleases me.
While Jeph's looks may have changed since his Dumb Luck days, his interests have not.
Jeph would also like you to know that he is interested in fingering.
...bass guitar fingering, you perv!
These are the equivalent of Ryan Ross's jailbaity LJ photos, but taken when Jepha was at least twenty-five. The Used: get older, not wiser.
Because he's worth it.
Stupid hot.
Stupid stupid.
I should not be intrigued by a banana hammock wearing dude. And yet.
I love this series, obviously.
I like it when he actually smiles in pictures.
How very reflective.
Random, but Bob has this design on a sweatshirt, as does Frank, I think?
It's a MySpace kind of love.
Not that there's anything wrong with stupid MySpace shots.
Jeph reviews the videotape. Let's see it in slo-mo!
---
I had a whole separate picspam I'm thinking about, that's just Jeph with tourist trap statues:
But that would be waaaay too long.
At least he's not a furry?
Dammit.
Well, then the Used are going to have to be happy with being the well-hated weirdos of bandom.
But do they give a shit? No:
They're too high to give a shit. Or drive. Or do anything but giggle and fuck.
The end.